


Bold & Fearless In The Risks We Take

by marsakat



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Kid Fic, M/M, Multi, Slow Build, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-05-29 16:57:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 42,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6384772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marsakat/pseuds/marsakat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time they met, Tyler made Josh bleed.  But as blood brothers, the friendship endures all life's growing pains.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Laugh In The Face of Gravity

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ullfloattoo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ullfloattoo/gifts).



> Prompt: Josh and Tyler have known each other ever since they were young, and grew up together. Their relationship was always close but they never considered actually dating.

The playground near Josh’s house was the greatest playground ever built, in Josh’s very humble opinion.  He had been to many others in his town, his cousins’ towns, and on vacation, but this one was the best.  There were three parts to it; the little kids area which he was too old for now, _thankyouverymuch_ but still had a couple spinny things that he’d go on every once in an while because spinning isn’t just for babies, especially when you go so fast you could go flying off and stumbling for minutes and minutes and minutes.  There was the ‘big kids’ area which was made of wood and massive. Like a pirate ship, or a castle—whenever Josh was the one deciding what the group of assembled kids would play as, it would be a rocket ship.  There were slide and poles, tunnels, and monkey bars that Johnny from down the street fell off of and broke his collarbone and therefore they weren’t allowed to climb on top.  Then there was a section for just climbing equipment that Josh would hang off of--not at the top of course—his feet dangling until his hand couldn’t take the burn anymore and he dropped down landing like Spiderman and run off to chase whoever.

He went to the park at least three times a week, his mother bringing sandwiches for lunch or a quick snack since he’d always tire himself out running around.  It was a very exhausting job playing on this playground.  He knew most of the kids from the neighborhood, but there were always new faces that would come and go—temporary best friends for one afternoon only.

There was a boy sitting on top of the climbing dome on a summer day where it was too hot to run a lot.  Josh had seen him once before the previous week, but didn’t know his name since the boy didn’t join their group that was playing cops and prisoners, instead staying in the climbing section.  Today, though there were only little, little kids and two girls that shouted he had cooties and couldn’t join them.  Their mothers had scolded the girls and said that wasn’t nice, but Josh wasn’t going to force his company on those that didn’t want him.

So it was just him and the dark haired boy who was perched serenely, surveying the land like Mufasa on Pride Rock. 

“You’re really high up!” called Josh.  He had to crane his neck all the way back.

“Yep,” replied the other boy, “I like climbing.  I like being up high.”

“Me too,” Josh said, thinking about being up high, flying through the air. Space. He liked space. 

“Come on up then.”

But Josh was scared and nervous to go climbing.  He remembered when Johnny had fallen and all the screaming.  He mom had warned him to be careful after that.  But the other boy looked made it look easy, so Josh put on his brave face and started climbing.  Almost all the way up, his hand touched a metal rivet that had been heated by the sun.  It burnt and Josh drew his hand back and then slipped off.  His chin hit something and there was an intense pain in his mouth as he bit down on his tongue.  Josh sat crumbled on the ground and he was convinced he had bitten off his tongue as blood filled his mouth.  The other boy had jumped down next to him, and Josh looked into wide, terrified brown eyes.

“Are you okay?” the boy asked.

Josh opened his mouth to say no, he really wasn’t, but blood came out instead, and the boy shrieked and began to cry and so did Josh. 

“I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!” The boy sobbed and hugged him.

“Mom!” Josh wailed and she was already there, crouching down to look into his mouth, pulling out napkins from her purse. 

“Looks like you just bit your tongue. Does it hurt anywhere else?” She asked, mopping up the blood.  Josh shook his head and kept crying.

“His tongue? Is it still there? Oh no! I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault.”

“Mah tongue is gone?” Josh said thickly through the wad of paper shoved in his mouth.

“No, no, honey it’s still there.  It’s just going to bleed a bit.  Let’s get you a popsicle to put some cold on it,”

Josh’s mom brought the both of the crying boys towards the ice cream trunk that waited by the gates.  It seemed the other boy’s mother noticed something was wrong and she ran over toward them.  Josh was vaguely aware of the two women introducing themselves, but he was much more concerned with the swelling in his mouth.  The other boy had stopped crying, and he hiccuped while wiping the tears away from Josh’s face.

“It’s okay, friend.  Pick out what flavor you want.  I like red.  What do you want?  They’ve got blue and grape and lemon,” he said.

Josh pointed at the grape popsicle, and the cold felt good upon his burning tongue.  The other boy got a popsicle too and they sat on a bench while their mothers talked.  Josh didn’t say much but the other boy kept up a steady stream of conversation for the two of them. 

His name was Tyler and he lived further away—his mother had to drive him to the park, whereas Josh just walked there.  Tyler had siblings just like Josh, but turns out they were both the oldest and most responsible.  Tyler had a tree he liked to climb in his backyard and dunked a basketball once when his father lifted him up.  Tyler wasn’t scared of heights, but he’d fallen out of the tree once and hurt his ankle badly.  Tyler was younger than Josh and he was impressed that Josh already knew how to ride a bike.  Tyler wanted Josh to come to his house one day and he’d show him his new bicycle that he was starting to learn to ride without training wheels.  Josh was smiling and the tears from before were forgotten.

All Josh could talk about—once his mouth healed—was his new best, best friend Tyler and how they were going to meet at the park on Wednesday.  Tyler’s mom had promised to go back then.  His family was almost sick of hearing about Tyler this, Tyler that, but still Josh’s mom brought him to the park that day, and Tyler was waiting by the entrance.  Josh ran all the way down the street, his mother yelling for him to watch for cars.  They stood eye to eye—they were the same height, but Josh was older and among the short ones in his class so it wasn’t fair that Tyler was the same height as him!  Josh’s hand darted out and tapped Tyler’s shoulder.

“You’re it!” He yelled and sprinted off into the immediate and life lasting friendship.  The playground was their domain, meeting every week.  They led massive groups of kids to spectacular games of manhunt, or competitions.  Always the two boys as ringleaders, but sometimes they didn’t feel like being in charge and would go off alone together, climbing to the top of the jungle gym and sitting for the afternoon just talking about anything.

* * *

 

They went to different elementary schools, but would often meet after school at each other’s houses.  They’d ride bikes for hours and got to know the other neighborhood kids.  Pokemon was a big deal in second grade, and there was an intense time of collecting and trading cards.  Then in fourth grade they each had to pick an instrument for music class.  Third grade they all got recorders and it was a disaster since they’d stand in the backyard and blow earsplitting notes for hours. 

Josh chose the trumpet to continue developing his skills from the recorder, and Tyler picked piano because he had one at his house.  They’d stand in Tyler’s living room initially trying to pick out a tune ( _Row Row Row Your Boat_ and _Mary Had A Little Lamb_ were staples of their repertoire). Josh’s face would turn red as he blew as hard as he could, while Tyler slammed the keys and sang at the top of his lungs to drown out the racket the other was making.  It would all devolve as they lost interest in the sheet music and they tried to invent their own songs. 

“The strangest band in the land,” Tyler’s dad would often joke once the boys would lose interest and run outside, and he and Tyler’s mother would remove the earplugs.

The two were also signed up for a variety of sports and activities, and would get in trouble for goofing off together.  The recreation department learned to keep the two apart by the time they signed up for the basketball program in sixth grade.  The teams were separated by school, and Josh’s school was much smaller so they essentially only made one team, while Tyler’s made three.  Tyler was on the better of the teams, and they won nearly every game.  Josh enjoyed basketball, but not as much as Tyler who would shoot hoops in his driveway constantly, and arrange pickup games with the neighborhood kids. 

Their first time playing each other in this league was a bit of a disaster.  Josh’s team already had a defeated air since they knew the others were undefeated.  They weren’t terrible, but they lost to the second best team from a different school, who had been crushed by this team, so their hopes weren’t high.  When it came to squaring off, Josh was assigned to defend against Tyler since they were close in height.  Josh knew most of Tyler’s tricks from days spent out on the blacktop, but tonight Tyler dodged and blocked him aggressively. Tyler was a completely different person now he had a uniform on, and Josh was not having fun, okay?

The coach was shouting at Josh to stop playing around and get the ball away from Tyler who’d scored four times on him already.  Josh didn’t know what to do so he just shoved Tyler, who looked up at him in shock from the floor while the referee’s whistle blew.

“Foul!”

As Tyler took the free throw, he could see the coach scolding Josh, whose head was hanging. When he came back to the court, Josh looked very angry and proceeded to mark him closely, not letting him get anywhere near the basket.  Tyler started getting frustrated at his friend, and without thinking, he pulled the one move he knew Josh wouldn’t be able to oppose.

Tyler reached out and tickled him, and Josh dropped to the floor.  Again the whistle blew and no one had really seen what had happened.  Tyler argued loudly with the referee that there wasn’t anything in the rule book about tickling (he wasn’t sure about that), but Josh still got the free throws and made one.  Either way, Josh’s team ended up losing but the two were even so it was okay, and they did their super-secret handshake as the teams lined up.

* * *

 

Seventh grade meant junior high, and that all the elementary schools would be blended as one. They looked forward to the first day of school because they'd finally be together. When they got their schedules in the mail the first week of August, Tyler immediately called Josh who waited on his front lawn until the mailman dropped it off into his waiting hands. Josh phoned him back and they compared to find they didn't have a single class together. Just one lunch period on Thursdays.

"This isn't fair!" Tyler huffed.

"Yeah," Josh sighed and the line crackled, "at least we'll be in the same building. We can see each other before and after school."

They created a routine of Josh waiting at the door for Tyler's bus to arrive, and they'd walk together to their lockers. After the last bell, they'd meet by Josh's locker and hang out in the hallway until Tyler had basketball practice or they'd take the bus to Tyler's house. They may not see much of each other during the day, except when they'd high five while passing in the hallway, but it was just nice having the other there.

Since Josh's elementary school was so small, they were pretty much considered the new kids because everyone else seemed to know each other. He had some of those friends in his classes, and it was okay, but lunch was the absolute worst. Besides Thursdays, he knew no one. On Wednesdays he recognized some friends' of Tyler's from past birthday parties but they gave him weird looks when he tried joining their table.

So Josh spent most lunch periods in the bathroom trying to make it okay that he was alone and could hear the echoes of laughter and conversation from the cafeteria. He would listen to music and wish he was anywhere else. Josh didn't tell Tyler about those lonely hours since he didn't want Tyler to know that making new friends wasn't as easy as they pretended.

Tyler had no idea anything was wrong until gym class about a month into school. He was standing in a group with other boys from his basketball team were talking about the kids from Josh's school, who were in a little huddle on the other side of the gym.

"They're all just...weird," Andrew said. He was really funny and he was popular, but Tyler found most of what he said to be really mean. Tyler usually just went along with it though because to disagree with Andrew meant you'd be the object of ridicule.

"Yeah, Deanna started crying when the teacher asked her to write a math problem on the board," said Bryan, "they're all really stupid. Did they even learn anything at that school?"

Tyler bit his tongue and started to practice spinning a ball on his fingers.  He knew those kids through Josh and they were alright. They weren't different from anyone else, and Deanna was just really shy so that's why she cried. But kids can be cruel and they pick on any difference so they themselves wouldn't be teased too.

"There's this one boy who keeps trying to sit with us at lunch and we're like 'uh there's no room here'. So Joey followed him and the kid just eats in the bathroom since he's got no friends," Andrew laughed

"Wait I've totally seen him there!" Xander chimed in. And everyone chorused "gross" and kept laughing.

"Who is it?" Tyler asked hesitantly.

"Oh my god! I totally forgot!" Andrew started laughing even harder, "It was that loser you tickled last year. Remember how funny that--"

Tyler didn't know what came over him, but he hurled the ball he had in his hands as hard as he could in Andrew's stupid, laughing face. There was utter silence from the rest of the students as the gym teacher sprinted to them, Andrew spluttering on the floor.

"What was that for?" He yelled

Tyler's mind raced, "sorry my hand slipped!" It was a pathetic lie but he couldn't get a detention, his parents would kill him. The gym teacher made him sit on the sidelines for the rest of the period. The other boys were throwing confused looks at him, Andrew was sent down to the nurse's office with Xander to get an ice pack for his nose. He sat darkly on the other side of the gym, glaring at Tyler who was currently freaking the hell out.

Xander jogged over towards the end of the period with a message from Andrew: "you better watch your back because he's going to murder you."

Josh heard about the incident because everyone was buzzing about it, though no one knew why Tyler snapped, and Tyler refused to tell him when they met for two minutes at his locker in midafternoon. Tyler spent all day worrying about what Andrew was going to do to him. He'd never been in a fight before, and Andrew was bigger than him.

Tyler told Josh to go on without him, he wanted to face his fate alone upon the blacktop in the fields behind the school. Josh waited for him in the library, able to see the boys' distant figures through the windows.

"What the hell, Tyler?" Andrew yelled when Tyler stood before him.

"You made fun of my friend. No one makes fun of my friends in front of me."

"You're friends with that loser? Aww Tyler is he your gay little boyfriend?"

"Shut up, Andrew! You're so ugly, even Sarah  DiSolo wouldn't date you!" The other boys started cheering at Tyler's 'sick burn.'

"And you wouldn't date her because you're a fa--"

Tyler tackled Andrew and both started wrestling and throwing punches, and other people ran to join the growing crowd. Josh was running out of the library to join, but before he could get there, two public safety officers for the school started to break apart the fight. Tyler and Andrew separated and sprinted off the school property so they'd wouldn't get caught and suspended.  There was mass chaos and other fights breaking out, so they ended up getting away altogether.

Tyler didn't answer Josh's phone calls that night and Josh waited anxiously the next morning for his bus. Tyler had the hood of his sweatshirt up, but that didn't cover up the black eye. He grinned when he saw Josh, "you should see the other guy." He was grounded, but it was worth it when he turned out to be somewhat of a hero to everyone Andrew had ever been mean to.

By extension, Josh found himself surrounded by people at lunch asking him about Tyler's fight. And Tyler's friends have him a chance and found him to be pretty cool, if not just by Tyler's sheer force of personality alone. So Josh stopped eating in the bathroom from then on.

* * *

 

"Hey Josh," three girls cornered him at his locker one day between classes.

"Hey," he said, trying to sound cool since one of the girls was in his math class and was kind of cute.

"Tyler Joseph is your best friend, right?"

"Uh huh," he said, not sure where they were going with this.

"Does he have a girlfriend?"

"Uh...no?"

"Does he talk about liking anyone?"

"I dunno. Maybe," Josh couldn't think of Tyler mentioning liking any girls, though there had been an increase in girls giggling around him since that fight months ago. They'd apparently liked his black eye then.

"Tell him to take Amy Niles to the dance next week. She'd say yes."

"Uh, alright."

It was a Friday so Josh was sleeping over Tyler's house. Josh remember the conversation over their late night video games.

"Hey. Do you know Amy Niles?"

"Yeah. She's in my homeroom. Why?"

"Dunno..." Josh thought about it for a moment, "do you think she's hot?"

Tyler choked on the coke he was drinking. "I guess? She's a cheerleader and they're all kinda hot."

"Oh," Josh considered this and yeah, Tyler was right. They were all nice looking in the preteen sense that they wore make up and trendy clothes much earlier than every other girl, who would copy them into their teenage years.

"If you ask her to the mixer, she'd say yes," Josh said.

"Wait really?" Tyler's character on the screen exploded as he stared at Josh in disbelief. "How do you know?"

Josh adopted a look of superiority. "Girls tell me things."

"Awesome!"

"So you're going to ask her?"

"Duh!"

Later that night, they were falling asleep in Tyler's bed. They shared a bed still, always had, but they had an unspoken promise to not mention it to anyone else.

Tyler whispered "Do you think she'd let me kiss her?"

Josh hadn't even thought of that. Now it looked like Tyler would have his first kiss and maybe even first girlfriend before Josh, and jealously flared in his stomach.

"Go for it," Josh said, trying to sound encouraging and not envious.

Taking someone to a school dance was nothing more than just asking her to go with you, and then meeting at the entrance to the gym. No limo or flowers necessary. Usually guys and girls split into separate groups and would only cross over for the slow songs. So if anything, Tyler spent most of the night with the other boys messing around though he would dutifully leave to find Amy whenever the tempo slowed.

Josh and his friends got more and more silly as the night wore on and dared each other to dance with girls. Amy's cute friend refused to dance with Josh, choosing instead to enthusiastically grind with Bryan. There wasn't much time left at the dance and all his friends were paired off. Stupid Tyler was looking all smug with Stupid Amy, and Josh was beginning to freak out when he stumbled and nearly fell into the arms of this eighth grader who probably shouldn't have been let into the dance with that low cut of a top. Josh was just about eye-level with her cleavage and he decided to 'go for it.'

"Dance with me?" He asked and the girl laughed at his boldness. Josh wasn't even sure what her name was since she was a full year older than him.

"Why not?"

About 5 minutes later, Tyler saw Josh get dragged out of the dance by some chaperone into the hallway. "I gotta go," he said to Amy, who grabbed his arms.

"No. Wait!" And Tyler found his lips crashing against hers. She pulled away giggling and ran off with a crowd of friends to the bathroom to discuss. Tyler felt a little used for a moment, and then jubilant.  He slipped out in the hallway to look for Josh, who was actually in the unlocked principal's office waiting for his mom to pick him up early for 'inappropriate dancing'. Or as everyone would be talking about on Monday as "Did you hear seventh grader Josh Dun got Stacy Anderson pregnant?" which was a definite over exaggeration of the dancing that happened.

He was really really pissed off as he ignored the scolding of the chaperone--someone's dad. Everyone else had been grinding and only he was in trouble. Granted his face had been in Stacy's cleavage but it's not his fault he hasn't had a growth spurt yet.

"I don't know what's gotten into you. You've been so acting so angry lately," said Josh's mom in the awkward car ride home, "you always were such a good kid and now we get called in for this? Stop huffing like that!"

Josh really was angrier. Things were okay in school and with his friends, but at home he was always getting enraged by the littlest things. His siblings getting into his stuff, his parents correcting his every action, it was almost like he couldn't do anything right or be left alone. The all-out fights increased the more he descended into puberty and turned thirteen, resulting in him storming out the house at least once a week. He didn't even feel like riding his bike over to Tyler's house--he was old enough to do that now.  Josh just wanted to be alone and make loud noises.

The trumpet was pretty much abandoned at this time, but he discovered something else during this first teenaged year. There was a music store within bike riding distance to his house. The employees liked the kid that spent hours walking around the stacks, asking them about what music they liked. So they introduced him to the new bands and bands they turned to in their youth, sensing that this kid needed an outlet.

The scariest, most tattooed and gauged worker introduced him to the drums. Josh would practice for hours, headphones over headphones to copy what he heard. They'd kick him out whenever a customer requested to look at the set, but Josh was allowed to learn in peace. The anger would leave and he'd go home feeling zen. He never mentioned it to his friends, keeping the lessons private even from Tyler who thought he knew everything about Josh.

Tyler and Amy stayed a thing for most of eighth grade, though at that age, it was just a relationship in status alone.  They went on “dates” with other people there and kissed occasionally.  All of a sudden though, she turned cold on Tyler and just dumped him after Valentine’s Day, even though he spent his whole allowance to buy candy for her.  Tyler climbed into Josh’s window the night she broke up with him over the phone—which was completely unnecessary but Tyler liked to climb regardless of however many times Josh's parents told him to use the front door. 

He didn’t know why he was so sad.  She wasn’t really that nice of a person and they didn’t have too much in common when he thought back on their time together. But it was his first girlfriend after all, and he should be allowed to mourn.  Josh patted him on the back and played him the most emotional songs he could find on the albums he’d bought and hid under his bed.


	2. We're Going Too Fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> High school and all its angst is just a prequel to the ups and downs of college life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to hold back and post tomorrow, but I'm enjoying writing this story too much to keep it to myself for too long.

Junior high slipped into high school without much fanfare; it’d be all the same kids anyway, but with more freedom and experimentation.  It seemed like everyone was fighting with their parents, ‘oh that teenaged angst,’ their parents would sigh.  They couldn’t stand to be in the house for too long, and kids would congregate in different places.  They’d hang out at playgrounds and parks after sunset, or at the mall if they could convince their parents to drop them off.  They’d hang out at the food court or in the arcade, sneaking outside to covertly smoke cigarettes given by older mallrats they would possibly become.

They quickly learned whose houses were best to hang out in—that had a finished basement where the parents wouldn’t check on them too often, or were okay with girls coming over.  They played lots of video games, made weird videos, and even got into poker.  Long days hanging out, especially in the summer were the escape they needed from whatever problems they had at home and in their heads.

The house parties started up once parents thought they could leave their kids at home alone.  They were tame initially—just a few stolen beers, or bought by older siblings who would bargain for the a month of chores swap in return for throwing ‘an epic rager’ which would just be kids pretending to be drunker than they actually were.  Spin the bottle would inevitably break out and essentially everyone kissed everyone else in the whole grade.  The first time hard liquor was brought to one of these parties, even Josh and Tyler shared a kiss and pretended to gag afterward.  It was downhill from that party as one kid had a senior brother with a good fake ID that would provide the almost weekly parties with enough alcohol to actually get everyone drunk.  In the winters they were in houses, but the summers were the best since they’d go deep into the woods and drink and make bonfires and couples would slip off to make out against the trees.

The first girl Josh ever slept with was at a house party, while Tyler puked in the bathroom next door.  She’d later be his first of many girlfriends throughout high school, while Tyler just had one from sophomore year onward.  When it was pointed out that the girls generally came out of nowhere but always around the time for major dances, Josh would shrug and say he was unofficially a Rent-A-Date.  He didn’t really care about being single or not since he was sixteen and if he was getting laid at all, that was an accomplishment.

“Romance is Tyler’s domain, I guess,” he’d say, since Tyler and his girlfriend were ridiculously adorable.  Tyler had kept up learning the piano, though he’d never put much effort into making anything of it since a lot of his time was occupied with basketball practice, homework, and his social life.  But he’d decided for their anniversary he’d write a song.  Girls always love having songs about them.  So he tried to write something, and ended up filling a notebook with all his private thoughts and insecurities in the form of poems.  He ended up being too embarrassed to ever show her, so he just bought jewelry instead.

Josh was Tyler’s constant, and vice versa.  Things had always been easy between them for over a decade now, and they were closer than they were with anyone else.  There were many things that they would tell each other they wouldn’t dare say aloud to another human being, but other things were held back.  It may have just been a guy thing, but neither could admit to the thoughts they had on the bad days, the dark days where they wished they weren’t here anymore.  Or that they felt like they were fake laughing whenever someone made a ‘gay’ joke or did an effeminate laugh.  They were straight…right? They slept with girls…in the plural and enjoyed it a lot, but there were also other things they thought about alone that weren’t acceptable to everyone else.  But neither would say what they were thinking to the other, because they didn’t want to lose the most important friendship in their lives.

Sundays were Tyler’s least favorite day.  That was usually his hangover day after whatever activities happened on Saturday and Friday.  He had to scramble to do homework and there wasn’t anything to distract him because his friends were usually doing the same thing too.  He felt low on these days, and that’s when he’d turn to the notebook, or go into his basement and play the piano.

He got a text one such Sunday when he was just playing seven notes over and over, trying to match the words on the paper.

_“had a fight with my parents and im outside ur house. it's raining.”_

Tyler ran up the stairs and flung open the door to find an angry Josh on his porch. 

“What’s up?”

“I just needed to get out of there.  They’re driving me insane.  What’s up with you?”

“I dunno. I was just dicking around on the piano.”

“Play me something,” Josh asked.

“Uh, okay.”  And Tyler started playing things he’d made up and Josh smiled while he started to sing.

“I’ve never heard that song before.  Who’s it by?”

“I wrote it,” Tyler admitted

“Wait, really?” Josh was impressed, “That’s awesome.  I didn’t know you could write music.”

“I’ve just been messing around with some stuff. Nothing too good,” he indicated the notebook tossed to the side.

“Can I look at your lyrics?” Josh reached toward the book.

“No!” Tyler said quickly and Josh drew his hand back like he’d been burnt, “Sorry, but they’re not ready yet and they’re kinda personal.”

“Yeah, okay dude I understand.  When they’re ready we gotta jam together.  How come we’ve never done that?” Josh had just finished off assembling a whole drum kit for his birthday.

“Piano and drums? That’d be one hell of a weird band.”

“Nah man it’d be very cool.  We could play in the school talent show and stuff.”

Tyler groaned, “Everyone would be calling me real life Troy Bolton.  I’m not ready for that level of high school cliché.”

A couple weeks later Tyler ended up bringing a keyboard over to Josh’s house since it’d be too difficult to move the drums, though Josh suggested using a wagon.  Echoing the days when they were nine, Tyler would start singing and playing while Josh searched to find a beat, adding occasional fills.  It was fun, but sometimes Josh would really listen to what Tyler was saying and it was hard for him to breathe knowing his friend had all these thoughts lurking inside. What was catharsis for Tyler, was a new source of worry for Josh.

* * *

 

Josh wasn’t sure if he wanted to go to college, but everyone else was going and he didn’t want to be the guy left behind.  He had his own collection of acceptance letters, but he and Tyler made a pact to not talk about where they were deciding to go since they didn’t want to influence each other’s decisions.  May 1st rolled around, and it was accepted that the seniors would all wear the sweatshirts for the college they would be attending next fall.  Josh didn’t see Tyler by his locker that day—probably off with his girlfriend.  Only one other person in his first two classes had a matching sweatshirt to his, though they rarely spoke, the girl exclaimed that they should exchange numbers so they’d be able to find each other if they ever got homesick.  He genuinely thought it was a nice gesture, since it was scary to move so far away from home with no one else he knew.  Even this girl he barely acknowledged since junior high would be a nice oasis in the sea of new faces.

Tyler was in his third period English class, and was already sitting at the table they shared.  He turned when Josh came in and his face lit up.  Completely unintentionally, they had decided to go to the same college, and Tyler handed his phone to someone to snap a photo of them in their matching attire.

Tyler could barely contain himself, “Dude this is going to be awesome!  I just can’t believe it!  Should we be roommates? Is that a good idea? I don’t know maybe we should go for random roommates to make new friends and if they suck, we’ll ditch them and live together.  Though one of my cousins told me it’s not a good idea for best friends to be roommates but remember that time last summer when you stayed at my house for a week? I didn’t want to kill you a single time so it could work.  Unless you wanted to kill me at some point and were really good about hiding it?”

The teacher hushed Tyler, who was practically bouncing out of his seat.  Josh smiled wide for the rest of the day.  Maybe going to college was a good decision after all.  He didn’t want to be lame to admit it, but it would be so much easier to face it all with his best friend by his side.

The summer was just graduation party after graduation party, and then a train of goodbye parties.  The boys acquired all the essential college equipment, and signed up for classes.  They attended separate orientations, because ‘we’re not going to be those two friends that go to college and don’t expand their horizons and have shitty, lame social lives, okay?’  Josh made a big decision on a spur of the moment, helped along by the enthusiastic encouragement of an orientation leader who got him to sign up for marching band.

* * *

 

Josh moved into college first since marching band required they start three weeks before the rest of the school.  He was accepted into the drum section and band camp was awesome.  They were just free, once the day was over there weren’t any adults to hound them about staying up late, except when they arrived to the field bleary eyed and hungover the next day.  They learned to be responsible or drink coffee.  Upperclassmen actually cared about befriending the freshmen and there were fun pregames that turned into the actual ‘game’ as they got to know each other. 

It was during a game of Kings one night that Josh had an epiphany that ended up changing his life.  They were in the rapid fire ‘Never Have I Ever’ round when Josh stated “Never have I ever made out with another dude.”

Pretty much everyone dropped a finger, and the person—Stephen—to Josh’s left said, “Never? Have you even kissed a guy?”

“Well yeah,” Josh said, thinking back to the Spin the Bottle games early in high school and how he definitely kissed Tyler while drunk a couple times since.  But never full on tongues-in-mouths situation.

“Do you wanna?” asked Siobhan, a sophomore with purple hair and a nose ring.

Josh’s alcohol soaked brain was confused if she was asking him to make out with her or what were they talking about again?  Maybe he'd get a nose ring, and Josh suddenly remembered he had to respond. He nodded, figuring either way he would get to make out with someone.  Everyone started giggling and Stephen grabbed Josh’s face and ended Josh’s go-to ‘Never Have I Ever’ statement.

Josh was surprised that it was okay here to make out with other guys, letting the feelings he’d repressed since high school out with these new friends who were okay with it.  That weekend he found himself making out with a section leader underneath a statue on campus, and it was awesome as they rolled in the grass with no one around.  Josh gave his first hesitant blowjob that night and it wasn’t as awful as previous girlfriends had implied.  He felt like a completely different person by the time the rest of the school started to move in, and he was excited to tell Tyler his ‘this one time, in band camp,’ stories.

* * *

 

Tyler had spent the rest of the summer since Josh had left just packing and repacking and hanging out with his girlfriend.  She was going to school even further away, and they wouldn’t see each other for awhile.  They both promised to text every day, call every other day, and not hook up with anyone else.  They knew the odds were terrible that they’d stay together, but they’d already made it almost two years.  She left the day before he did, and he couldn’t sleep the whole night after.

The car packed, he sent an ‘ _I’m on my way!_ ’ message to Josh the morning of, who sent back approximately ten smiley faces.  His dad drove the car, only managing to fit one more of his brothers before the suspension would collapse under the weight.  It was a couple hours’ drive, and Tyler ended up passing out across a backpack stuffed with clothes while his dad explained how to balance a checkbook.  He awoke once they turned off the highway, and approached the campus.  Him and Josh decided not to live together this year, but their rooms were on the same floor at least.  Tyler had an approximate idea of where to go, and was helped by the smiling, bouncy welcome committee that seemed right out of a movie.  They miraculously managed to extricate all his belongings from the car in one trip and deposit it in his room, while Tyler got his key and an info packet from the RAs.

There were just so many new people and a roommate named Sam that seemed very friendly, introducing himself before running off to show his parents around.  He’d already moved into the right side of the room so Tyler took the left.  Tyler quickly threw sheets on the bed and tossed some clothes into the dresser and closet before ushering his family away so he could get on with meeting rest of his floormates. He was just introducing himself to a crowd of boys playing cards in the middle of the hallway, when someone collided with him, yelling his name.

Tyler embraced his best friend, but pulled away in shock when he saw Josh’s hair was now blue.

“What do you think?” Josh asked, ruffling his hair.

“Cool!” Tyler affirmed.

“C’mon, there’s a barbecue now,” Josh said and the pack of relative strangers followed him out the door.  The next few days were a whirlwind of new faces and introductions; Tyler wished he printed business cards that said his name, dorm, where he was from, and what he planned to major in (no idea), because that’s all people asked.  There was a football game he attended on the second day with his floormates who were all really cool.  It was a really wild experience; girls were being thrown in the air for every point, and Josh’s roommate Jack handed a flask between them.  Josh wasn’t with them, and Tyler looked for blue hair among the uniformed band.  Josh was going ham on some drums and it was awesome, but Tyler was probably a little tipsy from the alcohol and summer heat.

The night before classes started, Josh and Tyler followed their new group of friends to the library.  Apparently one of them had an older brother that figured out how to get on the roof of every building on campus.  They had a backpack filled with beers and one last night before papers and lectures hung over their heads. 

As it got later and later and the exhaustion overtook everyone, the talking died down and they just watched the stars.  Josh and Tyler lay on their backs a little apart from everyone else, not saying much.  Tyler was worrying about the next day—would he be able to find all his classes?  Josh was biting his lip and trying to find the words to explain to Tyler what had been going on with him lately.

“Hey Tyler?” he said after a time.

“Yep?”

“I, uh, I need to talk to you about something,” Josh rolled onto his side to look at Tyler, who mirrored his movement.

“What’s up? Is it another band camp confession?” Tyler joked.

“Actually…yeah.  So there was a lot of hooking up, and I—um.”

“Is this where you told me you have herpes now?”  Josh laughed nervously, and didn’t say anything, “You don’t have herpes, right?”

“No! No of course not,” Josh looked away.

“Hey man, just tell me.  I’m your best friend.”

“I think I’m bi,” Josh said in a rush.

“Really?” Tyler said, and Josh nodded.  “That’s cool with me, dude.”

“Okay.  You sure?”

“Of course!”  Tyler smacked him on the arm, “So…what’s it like?”

“What?!”

“Like…being with guys?  Is it really different?” Tyler played with a pebble he found next to him.

Josh thought about it for a minute, “Kinda.  Guys are more…solid? Forceful? I don’t know how to describe it.  But it’s fun.”

Tyler’s mind was still reeling with this information. He had no idea Josh had even been thinking about guys like that.  They never discussed these feelings and here Josh was with multiple male partners, and Tyler had no idea.  He was fine with it, he swore, there was no way he was homophobic—not with some of the weird dreams he had or the times he jerked off to gay porn, or even the internal questions he struggled with sometimes.  There were not many not-straight guys in their high school, so this was the first time someone had come out to Tyler.  And he was weirdly…jealous?

“So have you ever…you know?” Tyler asked, silently yelling at himself for prying, but he was masochistically interested in finding out.

“What?” Josh said coyly.

“You know…slept with a guy?”

“Oh! Uh, no. Not yet.  Just like…to third base and stuff,” if there was more light, Tyler would be able to see Josh blushing.

Tyler tried to force away the images that produced.  Why was he thinking about Josh like that? Holy shit, was he into guys too? He literally was only in college for four days and he’s already thinking about experimenting, but no, wait! He had a girlfriend after all.  A girlfriend he hadn’t called yet and only sent a few ‘ _I’m so sorry. I’m just really busy,’_ messages but she hadn’t tried too hard either. 

Tyler and Josh lapsed into silence, rolling back onto their backs and stared up into the sky.  That conversation had went as well as Josh could have hoped, though he noticed Tyler looking at him a lot when he thought he wasn’t paying attention.  Or did Tyler always do that? He tended to zone out a lot.  Maybe Josh was just hypersensitive at the moment after the big confession on the roof.

* * *

 

The first few weeks were difficult for Tyler.  It was hard to adjust and everything was new; he was homesick, he flooded the laundry room the first time he tried to wash his clothes, he was outside of the classroom more than inside, so all the studying had to be done on his own.  Josh may eat breakfast with him every day, and most lunches and dinners but he didn’t want his whole social life to consist of being Josh Dun’s shadow. 

He would stress out all week about homework and papers, but then the worry would increase as the weekends would approach and he needed to make plans.  Josh was busy with marching band, and Tyler didn’t want to step on his toes.  Sam was nice, and Tyler tagged along with him, but he wanted to find _his own_ group of friends.

Club Day was the second week of school, and the quads were filled with tables for a variety of clubs and organizations.  Tyler and Josh went together, and filled up their bags with free candy and flyers for meetings.  They were both accosted by an over-enthusiastic improv group who threw bacon at passersby.  They were very excited to find there was a music guild that put on open mic nights, organized jam sessions, and even put out a compilation CD of student music every semester.   They seemed like very cool people, and they liked Josh’s hair.  Tyler put his name down for intramural basketball, and was convinced by a very earnest junior to join the public speaking group. 

“We meet weekly and talk for three to five minutes on a random topic.  It’s a club tradition to have the first one be ‘Canada—why we should invade’.  I was always afraid to speak in front of people, and I had a lot of social anxiety, but now I feel comfortable talking to you guys, and I even spoke at a slam poetry event last semester,” the girl said, “I’ve made so many friends, and to be honest—we have some of the best parties.”

So Tyler went to the first meeting, and overcome with the atmosphere, he argued for four and a half minutes that Canada’s image of being a rational and kind country was a front for the hoarding of maple syrup in a plot to cause a worldwide shortage and bolster their economy at the expense of world peace.  Those moose-loving jolly neighbors to the north were not to be trusted and therefore we should indeed invade.

The music guild was a lot of fun too and Tyler was introduced to the ukulele while no less than four guitar players asked Josh to record drums for their songs.  Tyler even recognized several people from the speaking group.  Apparently there was a great deal of crossover between the two groups because the presidents were dating.  They showed the two friends where the music practices rooms were, with various instruments to rent time on.

Tyler had to keep reminding himself he was there for school, and would crack down on studying during the week.  Some days he felt like he was drowning under the massive amounts of responsibilities that were thrust upon him.  There were a lot of good days, but when he was walking back to the dorm alone he felt the insecurities eating at him.  Everyone else was having a better time than him, and had more friends than him.  The quiet, rational part of his mind would remind him that he talked to people in his class, he got invitations from the public speaking group to go to pregames and tailgates on the weekends, the guys on his floor were fun and they’d hang out in each other’s rooms all the times. 

He had a routine to his days, and things were actually going smoothly.  It’s just in those quiet moments alone that he felt like curling up in a ball, and call his parents to pick him up and take him home.  But then Tyler would walk sadly to his room from the library and a door to another room would be open and he’d be called in to play a round of Super Smash Brothers with his new friends and everything would be okay again.

* * *

 It was a truth universally accepted that to be a freshman boy and trying to go to a party, you either had to bring a crowd of girls or you were not allowed to come in.  Freshman boys are the bottom of the social totem pole and were often stuck lurking outside parties waiting for a girl they just happened to know from their intro class to walk by and let them tag along.  Tyler and Josh were fortunate to join three organizations between them that were welcoming to freshmen.  The marching band parties were definitely not as frequent as over the summer, but could be a guaranteed place to end up on weekend nights.  The music guild parties were much chiller evenings, usually sitting around listening to music and playing games.  They’d only have a full out rager when combined with the public speaking group.  Their floormates would also introduce them other other groups that would have the occasional toga party or blacklight night.

Jack and Josh had an understanding about hookups and their room was joked to have a revolving door.  The sexiling could not last the whole night—3am maximum, and they’d send a  “( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)” face at least fifteen minutes before arriving, though the other could veto with “ _hell no find another place because I'm using the room tonight_.” There was one epic night when Jack started off in the room with a girl from his calc class, then high five Josh as they switched occupancy with a guitarist he had recorded drums with and one thing led to another.  Then there was another high five as Jack had acquired the really hot tenor from the all-male a capella group.  As two young bisexual men exploring the hookup culture for the first time, Jack and Josh had a great understanding that only rarely ended up with them fooling around with each other out of boredom.

Tyler really tried hard not to judge his friend, and would catch himself before he’d make oblique comments about going to the health screening fair.  Tyler was as supportive as possible, even shoving Josh to guys and girls he noticed were making eyes at him.  He was the best wingman, and he had his girlfriend, but truth be told things weren’t going well. 

Tyler visited her over Columbus Day weekend and it was a little awkward to be the high school boyfriend loitering along with her group of girls that already had a collection of jokes and stories he was no part of.  They argued about her taking photos with a bunch of very good looking senior football players, and she called him out for buttdialing her while he was helping to carry a drunk girl back to her dorm.  He swore up and down that the girl’s roommate was there and he hadn’t _done_ anything, because a. that’d be wrong and b. he wasn’t a cheater.

His floormates lent a sympathetic ear, and basically told him to break up with her.  They were all mostly single and couldn’t understand why he wanted to make it work.  He’d give it until Thanksgiving at least—he wouldn’t want to end anything over the phone.  Sam and Josh rolled their eyes at each other over Cup O'Noodles when he explained his decision, biting back the opinion that Tyler could be out having fun with casual relationships rather than mooning over this doomed romance.

Halloween was a shitshow in all the best terms of the word.  It was a whole damn weekend and Tyler and Josh went to so many random houses, they had no idea who was responsible for the parties.  Tyler was on the good side of drunk; he felt in control of his body, just looser and happier.  He was laughing and uncaring about the texts from his girlfriend in his pocket as the bass reverberated in his chest during a game of beer pong.  He felt so warm and happy seeing his friends drink from a massive bowl of an unknown concoction while upperclassmen chanted in what was quite possibly Latin.  Josh was hanging onto his neck shouting into his ear that this was the best Halloween since he dressed up as an alien in third grade. 

There may have been a grind train at one point and Josh possibly gave him a lap dance and a boner as a result, but that part of the night was a little fuzzy and for the record, he wasn’t getting as much action as the rest of them, okay?  They’d all ended up ordering Dominos and eating pizza at 2 am in their dorm lounge.  For once Josh wasn’t hooking up with a stranger so Tyler got to spend a whole drunk night without having to compete for and lose his friend’s attention.  Tyler wrote a note in his phone as a cheesy reminder to himself on those bad days, to remember this night where everything went well.

* * *

 

Time seemed to speed up after that weekend.  He was utterly slammed by midterms and papers then the semester started winding down but really it was just winding up for finals, but that would be after Thanksgiving break and another worry for another time.  Josh and Tyler were in agreement—they liked their roommates a lot, but it was going to be nice to be in their own beds that didn’t obnoxiously creak, in their own quiet homes, away from the random outbursts and cheering from drunken post-adolescent neighbors.  They took a bus together home the Tuesday before, and Josh immediately fell asleep on the window while Tyler read nervously over a few powerpoints.  His mind was busy worrying about seeing his girlfriend that night.  He’d overheard the term ‘Breaksgiving’ recently and he was upset that he’d most likely be returning to campus single. 

Josh had a tap on his window that very night at 2am, and he happened to be awake because his sleep schedule was absolutely fucked.  Tyler came crawling in, and climbed into bed with him.  He let himself be folded into Josh’s arms as he sniffled, holding back tears. 

“We broke up.”

“I know,” Josh said soothingly.  He grabbed the iPod off his nightstand and spun to a playlist made of the songs they’d listened to when Amy Niles first dumped Tyler all those years before.  So much for getting to sleep alone, but Josh would sacrifice a good night’s sleep for Tyler, no questions asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was a sweet little innocent Catholic schoolgirl back in the day, so all the debauchery of high school is stolen from what I heard from the wilder people I knew. But college though...some of the stories are actual experiences from myself or my friends. Also the clubs are direct rip offs including the Canada thing. I wasn't in either of the groups, but they're great ideas.  
> Kings is also my favorite drinking game, my dad taught me how to balance a checkbook during the drive to move in, the bacon thing happened, and two of my roommates would high-five as they passed with their hook ups. I'll keep the other references possibly hidden.  
> Edit: so I made some changes and went with my heart. Yes Josh's roommate is Jack Barakat cuz I low key/high key ship that  
> addendum: anyone catch the Stressed Out video reference?


	3. I Wanna Go Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rebound hook ups, regretful sex, a full-on brawl...maybe it's time to take a vacation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to throw a trigger warning up here for this chapter: there's mentions of consensual but regrettable sex, some humiliation, vomit and minor violence. Stay safe friends. I added lots of hurt/comfort to make it better.

“Come on Tyler, it’s been like a week. You gotta get over this girl and get out there!” Jack said on the first weekend back from break.  Tyler was sitting in his bed with his comforter pulled up to his face and a black hoodie covering his head.  Josh was sprawled on the end of the bed, tossing him the occasional potato chip.

“Tyler stop being emo and start living!” Jack ripped off the blanket and started pulling at Tyler’s feet.

“No! Leave me alone! Let me mope by myself!” Tyler exclaimed, fingers scrambling on the bedpost as Sam joined Jack in trying to prize Tyler from the bed.  “Josh, help me!” but alas even his best friend betrayed him, as Josh grabbed him around the middle.  More guys heard the commotion and came rushing in to lift Tyler and bring him out into the night.  Thankfully someone thought to bring him shoes.

“I hate you all,” he crossed his arms as he was borne upon the shoulders of the two lacrosse players.

“You’re going to thank me,” Jack said, jumping to pat his side, “We’ll find you a nice…someone to help you rebound.  Man, you gotta have a messy hookup to get over a messy breakup.  It’s science.  I’m a physics major, I know these things.”

Josh had apparently texted the president of the speech group about the situation, and he invited the crowd over to a birthday party at his house that had already gotten out of hand.  They let Tyler down at the porch, threatening to steal his clothes if he snuck out before 1am.  Tyler was already starting to cheer up, but he was still having too much fun pretending to be annoyed.

They took several rounds of shots, and Josh was trying his best to be a good wingman, but it’d been awhile since he had a hook up (two weeks).  Tyler, him and this theatre major sophomore that was very hot were sitting on a couch all three quite tipsy.  Josh was hitting on him very hard, and the other guy was very receptive.  Tyler was on Josh’s left, the target was on Josh’s right, and Tyler was only barely following the thread of the conversation.  He was thinking, not about his ex-girlfriend, but about Josh.  His hair was now bright red and Tyler kind of wanted to touch it.  He threaded his fingers into the hair at the nape of Josh’s neck.  Josh's eyes fluttered shut for just a moment and he sighed.  Tyler remembered vaguely that Josh definitely had a hair pulling thing.  

The other guy had pretty eyes and teeth glowed in the dim light.  Tyler wondered what it would be like to kiss him.

The boy leaned over Josh to ask Tyler a question, and Tyler surged up and kissed this stranger.  He grabbed Tyler’s jaw, and Tyler eagerly climbed across Josh’s thighs to deepen the kiss.  It was different from kissing girls; scruff underneath his fingers and scratching his face.  More vigorous pressing of teeth and hands and deeper sounds.  Definitely no boobs when Tyler slid a hand up the boy’s chest.

Tyler’s kneecaps dug painfully into Josh’s legs as he became the awkward third wheel to this makeout session.  His vision was limited to Tyler’s arching back and the other guy’s hands slipping down to cup Josh’s best friend’s ass.  Josh had absolutely no idea what to do, and he was a little pissed off.  He reminded himself that Tyler was newly single and deserved this much more than at this moment, so he moved in such a way that Tyler was deposited into sophomore’s lap. Josh was free to grab more alcohol.  He’d need much more alcohol now.  His mind was reeling, but he finally understood Tyler's leading hints about trying things he always wanted to try but couldn't since he had a girlfriend.  Josh had just assumed his friend meant one night stands, but apparently this meant guys and girls.  Josh was having some alcohol-induced clarity for some odd statements Tyler made before.

A junior Josh recognized from previous parties slid up next to him at the makeshift bar, which was really a card table filled with handles and handles of shitty vodka and some random bottles of fruit juice and Coke.  He was a few inches taller and broader than Josh, wearing a turned around snapback with a pseudo-ironic saying on it.

“Hey there,” he said in Josh’s ear, sliding a hand across his back and gripping his hip.  “You’re kinda cute.”

“Uh, thanks.  I’m Josh.”

“I know.  I’m Tony.  I’ve seen you around,” he grinned wildly, showing off many very even, very white teeth.

“Oh, really?” Josh turned toward him, cocking his head to the side, “How come you’ve never said hi before?”

“I like to watch first before I make my move,” the junior guided him to the tangle of people that were moving to the beat from the speakers.

“So is this you making a move?”

“No, this is me making a move,” and Tony pressed his lips to Josh’s neck, biting down gently with those even teeth, while starting to grind against him.  Josh could tell instantly that this guy was an expert.  His hips rolled as he explored Josh’s neck and hands slipped to grab Josh’s ass.  It took all of Josh’s concentration to keep time with the movement, riding out each wave.

* * *

 

Tyler was still making out with the sophomore on the couch, and it was getting very not PG rated and not anything he felt like doing in public. 

“You wanna find somewhere a little more quiet?” asked the person beneath him.  Tyler was embarrassed to realize he didn’t know his name.

“Uh,” Tyler’s mind drew a blank.  It’d be really nice to have someone else’s hands down his pants, but he also didn’t feel like opening himself up yet.

“You want a raincheck?”

“Yeah.  Sorry.” Tyler withdrew and sat next to him…whoever he was.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said and patted Tyler’s thigh.  He stood up and walked off towards the kitchen.

Tyler surveyed the scene in front of him from his seat on the couch.  A group of his friends were huddled in the corner passing what was probably a joint.  Sam was making out enthusiastically with a girl Tyler had seen in their room before, but definitely just a friend then.  He couldn’t see Josh or his bright red hair anywhere, go figure.

Tyler glanced at his phone.  Wasn’t even midnight yet.  _Shit_ , he thought, starting to wish he had followed the sophomore somewhere so he’d at least be out of this godawful music.  He found Jack slumped on an armchair.

“Hey my Lebanese bro, you okay?” Tyler poked him.

“Nghh, Dunno,” Jack mumbled.

“Time to go,” Tyler pulled him to his feet.

“I’m good, I’m good, I can walk” Jack swayed a little and managed to stay upright.

Tyler took one last look around to see if anyone else from their group looked ready to go, or in need of a departure.  The two lacrosse players also joined them, saying they had to get up for practice the next morning, and the four began to make the cold trek back to their dorm.

Tyler considered that he probably had the room to himself, and prayed that Sam wouldn’t come back with the girl while he was trying to sleep.  As if remembering he was still half hard and was alone for once, Tyler took the opportunity to jerk off quickly, coming to the memory of short hair running through his fingers, and feeling the press of another dick against his own.  It was all new, but not in a bad way.  He thought about repeating it another night when he wasn’t so tired and hurting from being freshly dumped. 

Tyler curled up under a pile of blankets, while elsewhere on campus; Josh was in bed with Tony, biting down hard on a pillow as the older boy moved inside him.  It didn’t feel as good as he hoped but Josh was praying it’d either get better or just end soon.

* * *

Tyler woke the next day to a still-empty room.  Sam had sent him a message at 1 am saying “ _don’t wait up, mom,”_ and Tyler was proud of him.  But also really, really hungry.

“ _I want an omelette._ ” He sent to Josh, who responded almost immediately.

“ _Me too.”_

_“Meet you in 5 mins?”_

_“Can’t leave my bed.  Do you wanna be my best friend ever?”_

Tyler sighed.  Josh could be so lazy when he was hungover. _“Fine. All the meat?”_

_“Oh baby you know how I like it.”_

Twenty minutes later, Tyler was punching in the code for Josh and Jack's room to find both boys lying in bed with the window shades pulled down.  Jack was playing some sort of Eastern meditation music and there was a washcloth draped over his eyes.

“Is it really that bad?” He asked, and Jack groaned.

“Remind me never to get crossfaded again,” he said, as Tyler dropped a plain bagel and cream cheese on his chest.  Jack had a theory that bagels were the ultimate cure for hangovers, and so far he hadn’t been wrong.  “I love you. Tyler, will you marry me?”

“Nah, he’s going to marry me,” said Josh, who made grabby hands for the plate of sausage-bacon-ham-and-cheese omelette.  Tyler sat on the foot of Josh’s bed as they all began to eat.

“So…last night?” Tyler began, and the other two groaned.

“Please don’t remind me—”

“Um, enough about your exploits, I was going to talk about myself for once,” Tyler said sarcastically.

“Yeah, I saw you!” Jack perked up.

“Saw it? I was practically in it!” exclaimed Josh through a mouthful of breakfast, “I think I’m bruised from Tyler’s boney-ass knees.”

“Are you not sure those bruises are not from someone else?” shot back Tyler, and Josh blushed almost as red as his hair.

“Yeah, did your hook up have dinner last night?” said Jack, “cuz it looks like he ate your neck.” 

Jack wasn’t wrong, Josh’s neck was covered with hickies and Tyler could see more littering his collar bones and bare chest.

“Excuse me, I thought we were talking about me!” Tyler said loudly putting on a put-off air, “Look, I’ve got a hickey too!”

“Baby boy Tyler finally hooked up with a guy.  It’s a special day.  Hey Josh, where do we keep the ‘I’m coming to terms with my sexuality’ medals?” Jack tossed the washcloth at Tyler’s head, who snatched the half eaten bagel from Jack's hands. “Hey! Not fair!”

“Nope, I’m taking it away.”

“Fine, you get two medals; another one for ‘second best ass of the floor’.”

“Only second?” Tyler handed back the bagel.

“C’mon, Josh’s ass is better than yours.”

“True,” it actually had been decided very early on in the semester.  Honestly, Tyler was happy with second place.

“My ass is grateful,” Josh said and frisbee-threw the empty paper plate into the garbage can across the room.

“And sore,”  Jack said half under his breath, and Josh threw him a look—all this Tyler missed completely because he had started texting the group chat in response to some pics sent from last night.

“Josh, are we going to the gym today?”

“No man, definitely not.  I just want to stay in bed for the next week.”

“But why?”

Josh patted the space next to him, and avoiding the question he said, “Let’s watch shitty vine compilations. Grab my laptop.”

“Damn, you’re demanding,” Tyler commented, “I bring you an omelette and you think you can start bossing me around.  I think we know who the leader of this duo is.”

“Shut up and cuddle me.”

* * *

Next week found Tyler back at that same house, but without such an entourage.  Josh stayed in that night, moaning about a math exam he had to study for.  Tyler was on another level; he’d had another shitty week, because everything just seemed to be going wrong.  He got a bad mark on a paper which meant he had to double down for finals, and he saw a snapchat of his ex kissing some guy that wasn’t him, and the weather sucked.  Everyone had seemed down this week, even Josh, who’d been noticeably absent from the normal goings-on of the floor.  Tyler had only seen him a handful of times, and he said he was just stressed about the exam and was spending his time in the library.

It wasn’t a party so much as it was people standing around drinking and complaining—a last hurrah before finals started in a few days.  Tyler swore to himself this was his last day of heavy drinking until next semester.  His liver needed a break.  His mind and body needed a break from the poor decisions and hangovers.  But right now, he was hammered, and felt like the embodiment of the phrase “fuck everything.”

He drifted away from the other freshmen from the club that were all whining about finals.  Tyler didn’t care about that right now.  He wanted to find some people that were actually having fun tonight.  A cluster of upperclassmen were laughing and talking loudly in a cluster in the center of the living room. Seemed like Tony was regaling them with a tale of one of his sexcapades, if those lewd gestures were anything to go by.  He always had some ridiculous story to tell that seemed stolen from a shitty porno.  The first time Tyler had ever hung out around with this group of upperclassmen, he heard all about the time Tony allegedly got a blowjob during an exam.  While Tony was a bit of a cocky asshole, he did have a weirdly entrancing way of telling stories.  Tyler didn’t like him very much, but Tony was just one of those guys that were a total dick but the club never got sick of them enough to kick him out.

Tyler hung on the edge of the group eavesdropping.

“…So this kid drops down in the stairwell and starts trying to blow me, and he’s actually pretty good.  But then five minutes into it he’s choking and it just felt like an accomplishment, you know?—getting someone to choke on your dick? But then he flips out, and I’m like ‘Well if you can’t do that, you’re gonna have to try another way’ and the poor kid looks like a deer in the headlights as if I’m going to _50 Shades of Grey_ his ass.”

“And you didn’t?” Asked his shitty, slimy sidekick whose name Tyler didn’t even bother knowing.

“Nah man, I’m not that much of an asshole.  That’s for when they come back a second time. Anyway, so we get around to fucking, and for all the slutty moves he was pulling earlier in the night, he was just a blushing virgin by the time I got him to my bed.  Whimpering whenever I did anything and hiding his face in the pillow the whole time.”

“You’re a fucking asshole,” said one of the senior girls disgustedly, turning away to leave.  Tyler was in a rage that was so powerful he was rendered incapable of movement or speech.  _What a douchebag._

“Hey! I kept asking him if he wanted to continue, and he kept saying ‘yes—yes please’ but acted like a little bitch the whole time.  It hurts to bottom, especially your first time—not like I know since people just _love_ to bend over for me, but I told him to suck it the fuck up and try to enjoy it.”

“Who’s he talking about?” asked the club president, joining the group.

“Some fucking freshman Tony screwed last week,” replied the sidekick.

“Not another one.  Which one so I know why when they end up never coming back?”

“The twink with the dyed hair that’s hooked up with half the marching band.  Josh-something-or-other.” Tyler’s heart stopped and he wanted to break something.  This was why Josh had been acting all strange all week.  It wasn’t like Josh heavily vetted the notches in his bedpost, but this guy was an uncaring asshole and it was definitely Josh’s first time bottoming according to whatever he’d been telling Tyler.

Tyler wanted to rip this guy apart, but he knew he wasn’t much of a fighter even though this was for Josh’s honor.  He may have fought Andrew back in elementary school but Tony was significantly bigger and older than he was, so Tyler decided to slip away, but they unfortunately noticed him standing nearby.

“Hey—hey Tyler,” hands grabbed him and dragged him into their circle.

“Now, Tyler is a cool freshman, unlike the rest of them,” the sidekick was saying, clapping a hand on his back.  Tony was across from Tyler now, and was laughing widely.  Tyler was fighting the urge to punch him in the face, deciding to down the rest of his rum-and-Coke (mostly rum) instead.

“Tyler, don’t take this the wrong way, but it looks like you could handle a good dick, unlike your buddy who cried when I—”

Abandoning all good sense, Tyler launched himself at Tony, burying a fist in his too-smug smirk.  Which really hurt his hand, but Tyler was drunk and angry and therefore invincible for a time.  They were both on the floor, Tyler on top trying to hit every inch of Tony he could reach as the latter tried blocking and throwing Tyler off.  He got a good punch into Tyler’s nose and it started to bleed.  Girls were shrieking, and arms were pulling Tyler off. 

“What the hell are you doing?” yelled one of the juniors in his ear.

“Nobody—fucking—asshole—talks shit about my friend.  I’m gonna destroy—him,” Tyler was screaming, and curses were tumbling out of his mouth.  Tony was wiping blood off his mouth as his sidekick pulled him to his feet. 

“What the fuck, dude?!” he yelled at Tyler, “I was fucking joking.  You fucking jealous I fucked your whore friend before you?” and Tyler surged forward and it took two additional people to hold him back. Tony took the opportunity of Tyler being restrained to slam his fist into Tyler’s stomach.  The wind was knocked out of him, and Tyler started to gag.

“Not fucking cool, Tony!” yelled the president as Tyler wheezed and retched, and he was pulled to the bathroom.

Tyler thankfully was able to hold it in until they got him to the toilet.  He was puking and crying and some girl was stroking his hair.  He was so embarrassed but also felt completely justified that he’d stood up for Josh.  Poor Josh.  He had to go see Josh, tell him it was going to be okay now. 

“Please take me back to my dorm.  Josh. I need Josh right now,” Tyler pleaded until he was able to stop vomiting for long enough for it to be safe to move him.  He was balanced between two other freshmen who guided him the fifteen minute walk back to his building, with a girl hovering nervously along.  They stopped only once to let him, and then them, puke into the bushes outside the cafeteria.  Thankfully they didn’t see any RAs when they got inside the building and climbed the stairs to the second floor.  Some guys were standing in the hallway wearing hockey equipment and holding pillows for whatever reason when their band of four came through the doors, clutching a bleeding Tyler who was now laughing and sobbing.

“What happened to him?” asked whoever was in full goalie equipment.

“What the fuck, guys?” asked Sam, who poked his head out the door to their room.

“Where’s Josh?” said the guy on Tyler’s left.

Josh poked his head out of the communal bathroom, slightly damp, obviously having just showered.

“Uh? What the hell?”

“Too many questions!” Tyler yelled, and everyone shushed him, not wanting to draw the attention of the RAs.

“I think this belongs to you,” said the girl to Josh.

“Bring him in here,” he said, and held the door open as they carried Tyler to a shower, turning on the water.  He yelped at how cold it was, but Josh told him to shut up and stripped him down to his briefs.  Tyler would have been embarrassed if it wasn’t just Josh.  Tyler stopped laughing and stared at his friend with sad eyes as Josh washed the mixture of blood and vomit and tears off his face and body. 

“What happened, Tyler?” Josh said, water running down both of them, Tyler watched it dripped red out of Josh’s hair.

Tyler shook his head, “I don’t wanna talk about it.” And Josh sighed deeply, wiping the blood from underneath Tyler’s nose.  Tyler had a good view of his friend’s marked chest and even hips—the bruises were green-yellow now and fading.  Here they were and while it looked like they were enjoying themselves, they were marked on the inside and out.  Living life as hedonists until the drinking and screwing around finally caught up with them.  They were just two hurt and lonely people ignoring the superficiality of their lives.  Tyler didn’t feel drunk anymore, just exhausted. 

Sam had a rubber band on the door signifying he wanted the room for himself and his new semi-girlfriend Maggie, so Josh pulled Tyler to his room.  They settled in for the night; Josh pressed against the cinderblock wall, and Tyler near the edge.  He didn’t miss how Josh placed the trash can near his head in case of more puking.  The beds were twin sized; there was no way they could sleep without touching.  Even though they had a mattress pad he could definitely sleep on top of on the floor there was no question that they wouldn’t share a bed.  That’s how it’s always been.

“You’re the big spoon tonight?” Tyler hiccupped.

“Mhmm,” Josh hummed, throwing an arm over his waist.  Tyler’s eyes felt puffy and heavy, so he closed them and matched his breathing to the breeze on his neck from Josh’s breaths.

“Are you going to tell me now?” Josh asked one last time.

Tyler knew Josh would freak out if he knew that Tony had talked about fucking him to a fairly large group of people.  Nobody like being gossiped about and humiliated, especially over something as personal as their first time having gay sex.  For as cool as he tried to appear, Tyler could see the places where Josh was fragile.  And he wanted to shield him from whatever he could.

“People talk shit, they gonna get hit,” Tyler whispered simply, refusing to elaborate. 

“What about your soft hands?”

“They’re going to regret it in the morning.”

“How about you?”

“Never.” Tyler would never take back anything he did for the benefit and well-being of Josh. Maybe he would find out one day from a gossiper, or someone that ‘meant well’, but Tyler didn’t want to destroy this moment

* * *

Finals week was a whirlwind of late nights, too much coffee and Red Bull, and bubbles upon bubbles on scantrons.  Neither could remember having any less fun in college, though the events where there were animals to pet made up for a lot of the stress.  The last night before going home for Christmas, a group of them walked to an IHOP in the wee hours of the morning.  Completely sober and freezing they watched the sun rise with bellies full of kinda-shitty pancakes.

Josh admired Tyler in the weak light of the winter sun.  The bags under his eyes were prominent and he face was lax; no twitching or tension.  They’d made it through the semester.  Their GPAs may not be Dean’s List worthy, but here they were.  And he was excited to go home to see their friends.  A whole month not having any work to do nor think about how wild he’d been this semester was exactly what he needed right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One whirlwind semester done...let's see how the next one goes. Fair warning; I'm about to get busy with work so the next update may take a few days. It's partially written so don't worry, it's coming. I'm just hella busy right now.


	4. And I Walk Through My Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Twin realizations and lots of unpure thoughts. Also, Trees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's gunna get real gay

It was amazing how it felt just like picking up where they last left off when they saw their hometown friends after all that time apart.  Everyone had wild tales to share, and Tyler and Josh certainly had some great stories about the past semester—most notably one where they had to run from the campus cops and hide in a ceiling.  Tyler noticed Josh stayed away from details about the gender of his hookups.  The group’s drinking was now not as frantic as when they were in high school—they just had months of freedom and were now simply enjoying each other’s company with a few beers.

Tyler and Josh continued to hang out over break since they apparently weren’t sick of each other’s faces yet.  They spent a lot of time working on a track for the music guild’s CD.  They hadn’t gotten their shit together to submit anything last semester, so they made a vow to at least have a rough draft by the end of the month.  They even left Josh’s drums in Tyler’s basement that had been converted to a little music space.

“Do you mind if I tried some new lyrics out?” Tyler asked, pulling the out old and battered lyric notebook.

“Sure!” Josh always liked hearing whatever Tyler was writing, even that weird song about Taco Bell.  Now he thought about it, he wanted to go to Taco Bell and was on the verge of suggesting a break, but he forgot the urge as soon as Tyler started singing something about standing in the trees.  It was a simple tune and not the complicated verses he often wrote that spilled syllables over and over. 

But Josh had a weird numb sensation, and his chest filled constricted.  He didn’t know what the hell was happening to him, so he just sat open mouthed as Tyler started screaming ‘hellos’.

“What do you think?” Tyler asked.

Josh leapt up from his seat like his ass had been burnt.  He had just had an earthshattering realization watching his friend sing his heart out.

“Holy crap. I love it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah totally,” Josh could hear himself saying but his mind was spinning out of control, “I think that’s my favorite song.”

“Let’s start over and you can try drumming this time.”

 _‘Holy crap holy crap holy crap,’_ Josh’s mind chanted as Tyler began again, and Josh tried to think of what to do with the drumsticks in his hands. ‘ _Did he want to fuck his best friend?’_  

It was just so overwhelming as he watched Tyler bang away at the piano.  Far from the first time he’d ever seen Tyler play, but something about the words combined with soft thoughts about how cute Tyler and also an urge to just jump him, coalesced into a freight train of lust that hit Josh hard. 

He’d been with Tyler since they were children, never apart from more than a few weeks at most.  They’d been drunk, sick, happy, tired, depressed, silly, angry, whatever around each other, experiencing probably every emotion and situation together (except in the biblical sense).  They had few boundaries left, but now Josh was definitely getting hard thinking about grinding against Tyler.  He wanted to touch the skin behind his ears with his lips, and mark his neck.  He wanted to hold hands with him and walk through a park or something.  He wanted to spend forever with him and watch him laugh as crinkles spread across his forehead as time passed and they grew old.

Nope, it wasn’t just lust he realized.  Josh was freaking in love with Tyler.  The thought bowled him over so much that the breathlessness was turning into a full on anxiety attack, and he was too scared to tell Tyler what was happening to him.

“Be right back!” Josh’s voice was jumpy and strained as he stopped right in the middle of the song.  He sprinted up the stairs to the bathroom and locked the door.  Josh ran the water and splashed his face.  He slid to the floor and took some calming breaths and imagined the tension lifting up and away.  It was okay, it was okay, it was okay.  This was just a passing thought.  His brain was just malfunctioning a bit.  Tyler was the same person he always was and Josh _wasn’t in love, alright?_

He wasn’t sure of the time passing, until Tyler knocked gently on the door. “Hey man, you okay?”

“Uh! Yeah, sorry.  My brain just had a random freak out.”

“Oh,” Tyler sounded concerned, “Do you need anything? Can I get you something?”

“No, no that’s okay. I’m coming out now,” Josh stood and unlocked the door.  Tyler was looking extremely nervous and Josh’s heart started beating quickly with how close they were standing. 

“I’m okay,” Josh reassured him, “You know my mind does that sometimes.  Maybe I’m just…hungry or something.  Let’s get food.  Let’s go for a drive.”  He felt shaky as he followed Tyler out to the car, avoiding staring at him.  What if Tyler knew? Did he know right now? He was so quiet in the car.  Josh’s mind was racing for a conversation topic to kill the awkward silence, but he couldn’t get his voice to work, until Tyler mentioned something casually about running into an old classmate at the grocery store.  He seized upon that conversation and managed to follow the thread for the whole drive to Chipotle. 

Josh hoped Tyler didn’t notice how jumpy he was feeling and acting.  Josh decided the best thing to do was to hide.  He made an excuse that he had to go home for something before they met up with their friends at someone else’s house that night.  Tyler dropped him off and Josh raced to the bathroom, thankfully everyone else in his family was out.  He stripped down and leapt into the shower, groaning as pressure in his groin eased with a few strokes. 

Josh tried to think about anything else besides Tyler, but the goddamn brown-haired, crooked smiled friend kept popping into his damn head every time he searched for something else to get off to.  Caving to the inevitable, he imagined Tyler’s skin against his, holding him down and pressing a finger inside him.  Josh felt exposed and ridiculous, one hand on his dick and one in his ass, but the world was ending and he was obviously going fucking crazy.  He came with a moan that turned into a sob because he had no idea what the hell to do next.

He texted the group chat saying he felt too sick to go out that night, and stayed in bed the next day, ignoring all the following texts.

* * *

 

Two nights later, and Josh’s lonely Netflix marathon was interrupted by the very person he was trying to avoid.  Tyler wriggled through the window and dropped to floor.

“Where you been?”

“Uh…sick,” Josh gave a little, unconvincing cough.

“Stop hiding and let’s go.”

“Go where?”  Josh had been in the same pair of sweats since yesterday.

“I’ve decided I’m getting a tattoo and you’re coming with me!”

“Are you serious?” Josh scrambled to find some clean clothes.

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I’m ready now.”

“Which one?” Josh asked.  The two of them had talked many times before about their tattoo ideas.  Josh even had a few rough sketches of trees and galaxies saved on his phone for the future…when he had enough money to get a sleeve.

“I was thinking bands on my wrist.  Start small.”

“Let’s do this!  Maybe I’ll get a piercing or something.”

* * *

 

The other guys on their floor were really impressed by Tyler’s fresh tattoo and Josh’s nose ring when they all moved back in.  The night before classes started found half in the lacrosse room playing Madden, and the other half in the bathroom dyeing Josh’s hair pink.  Everyone was reinvigorated and ready to start a new semester, even though there was snow and ice upon the ground.  Tyler and Josh had both gotten advice from upperclassmen about what classes to pick, and Josh had a lot more free time since marching band was over.  All in all the semester was looking good as far as syllabus week was concerned—and that asshole Tony was studying abroad this semester but that was neither here nor there.

Tyler tried an economics course that was difficult but surprisingly enjoyable.  He made a friend named Alexa who was from Texas and spoke in an awesome accent.  He spent exactly one week crushing on her, until he realized she much rather would be friends.  And Tyler wasn’t so much of a jerk to lose the opportunity.  They’d often work on the homework together over lunch, and end up talking about their social lives.  She was considering rushing for a sorority, even though Greek life wasn’t a big thing at this school.

“I play the violin and I don’t really want to join the orchestra or chamber music group, but it feels like there aren’t any places for me to just…make music,” she said in the cafeteria one day after a lecture.

“You should come to a music guild meeting,” Tyler said, waving a fry.

“But it’s all rock and indie music people.  I went to the first meeting and people just didn’t seem to make the music I want to make.”

“Give us another chance.  My experience with them is that as long as you’re creating something, that’s good enough.  Hell, even the music I’m working on doesn’t fit that mold exactly,” Tyler replied, “C’mon, Alexa.  They’re fun people regardless.  There’s a meeting on Wednesday.”

“Fine, fine.  I’ll go,” she sighed, “Hopefully the hot guy I saw last time will be there.”

“What hot guy?” Tyler asked curiously.

“I don’t remember his name, but he had blue hair and a Ramones shirt.”

“Now, you think that may be descriptive, but I can think of at least eight people who had blue hair last semester, and I’m pretty sure everyone owns a Ramones shirt.”

“Is that one of those hipster requirements?” Alexa giggled.

“It’s either that or ironic facial hair.”

* * *

 

The music guild president, Andi, sent out an email on Wednesday saying they managed to get access to some recording equipment through the AV department so they could start working on their recordings.  ‘Trees’ was essentially ready, and Tyler was excited to play it for everyone.  Josh had gotten over his weird visceral reaction to the song, but just in case, he prayed he wouldn’t get a boner in this new setting.

Alexa was already at the meeting when Tyler showed up, and she was talking to a pretty girl with dreads and a pan flute.  She waved him over from across the room and introduced him to Demetria.

“What’s up?” she flicked the dreadlocks back, “This is my first meeting.”

“Uh, welcome,” Tyler shook her offered hand, “The people here are pretty cool.  My friend Josh and I joined last semester.  We’ve been working on some stuff over break so it’s going to be cool to record—.”  Alexa had started pulling on his sleeve and was looking over his shoulder.

“Hot Guy is here,” she muttered, “I repeat, Hot Guy is here.”

Tyler turned around and couldn’t see anyone with blue hair.  Well, Lani had blue hair but she probably wasn’t who Alexa meant.  Danny and Ron both had purple hair, so maybe Alexa was a little colorblind? They had both just walked in with Josh whose pink hair stood out vividly.

“Wait.  Where is this hot person?” Demetria leaned in conspiratorially.

“Shh!” Alexa said quickly and Josh joined their group.

“So this is my best friend and part-time drummer, Josh,” Tyler said by way of introduction as Josh gave a half wave, “Josh—this is Alexa from my econ class, and Demetria who I just met.”

“Nice to meet you,” Josh said, “Hey Tyler, did they say anything about the drum kit we’d be using?”

“Not to me.  Ask Tom. I saw him by the pizza over in the corner.”  And Josh slipped off in search of the vice president.

Alexa watched him go with wide eyes, and turned an accusatory face to Tyler, “Holy crap.  Your friend is Hot Guy!”

“Wait really?”

“Uh, have you not noticed?”

“Well we’ve been friends since we were four! I’m, like, used to his face or something.”

Alexa sighed dramatically. 

So Tyler thought about it as he watched Josh play their song, and Alexa was right.  Josh was really hot.  His hair and piercings and gauges, which he had for a while now, made him look mad cool, but his smile was very nice and the way his eyes crinkled up was definitely aesthetically pleasing. Josh had a nice body, and Tyler concluded it should be illegal for him to throw his head back, close his eyes and bite his lip when moving like that _holyshit_. 

Damn, his friend was the whole package, no wonder he had so many flings last semester.  Tyler had to agree with Alexa, Josh was undeniably hot, but when it came time to tell her he’d help her out, Tyler just couldn’t.  And it wasn’t because he liked Alexa like that—he was already over her.  Tyler suddenly didn’t want anyone else hooking up with Josh.  There was a weird possessive feeling in his stomach as he draped an arm around Josh’s shoulders as they walked back to the dorm together.  Josh was _his_ and he didn’t want to share him with Alexa or anyone else.

 _Holy crap, was he in love with Josh?_   If he was being honest, he had wet dreams about Josh before.  There’d been a few recently and occurring more frequently, but doesn’t everyone when they’re spending a lot of time with and thinking about a person?  Wasn’t it normal to wake up aching and thinking about their best friend?

It was like Alexa’s words had flipped a switch in his brain, and from then on Tyler was noticing everything Josh did near him.  It wasn’t even just watching him when they were hanging out, it was pretending to be shaving while really watching him stumble to the shower in the morning and brush his teeth with a towel loosely tied around his waist.  Or just so happening to open the door the minute Josh was walking past on his way to class.  Or seeing the way he listened to other people talk, or concentrated during a round of Halo.

Tyler spent periods of time distant and distracted, and people kept calling him out on it.  He would just say he was thinking about…things, and people, mainly Josh, let him carry on.

* * *

 

He was anxious the first time they all went out after this epiphany, which was just three days later on Saturday.  They’d all bought fake IDs through a sketchy guy on a different floor of their dorm and everyone was eager to see if they’d work.  Jack found some club in the city that was having a glowstick night, and they were all going to it.  Tyler invited Alexa along out of courtesy, but she said she had a sorority thing to go to.  (A little part of Tyler prayed she’d find a boyfriend or someone to occupy her from going after Josh).

The straight guys in the group sighed once they realized that Jack had brought them to a predominantly gay club, until Jack pointed out that there were generally crowds of also straight girls there.  Jack shrugged as those guys left in search of females, saying off handed to Josh and Tyler that he’d been able to find male and female partners here before so he didn’t feel too guilty.

 Tyler chatted up a business-y type of guy, who bought him a drink and then led him out on the dance floor.  Tyler felt gawky against him, and he obviously knew what he was doing.  Tyler tried to copy what he’d seen Jack and Josh do before, and slid his hands around the guy’s waist as their bodies bumped together. 

Tyler wanted to yell ‘ _Help me, I’m awkward_ ’ to his cool friends and let them guide him to properly hook up with someone for once.  This was so out of his comfort zone, he was in a different planet.  Yeah Tyler had slept with a few girls back before he had a girlfriend, but he actually knew them well since they went to high school together.  And he hooked up with that theatre guy last semester.  Tyler was obviously not drunk enough, and completely overthinking the whole experience.  He started panicking worrying about what the other guy was judging him on, though he probably was content enough to rub his dick against Tyler’s hip unaware of the turmoil in Tyler’s brain.

Jack happened to be walking by and caught Tyler’s face just as the man asked Tyler if he wanted to go to the back lounge.  Jack swooped in and rescued Tyler before he had a full on panic attack, apologizing to the man, saying “Hey, sorry, it’s just we’ve gotta help a friend over…there,” Jack pointed vaguely and started pulling Tyler to the bathroom.

“Hey, man what’s the matter?”

“I dunno.  I’m just not good with the whole ‘casual’ thing,” Tyler tried to catch his breath, his heart racing.

“That’s okay,” Jack patted him on the back, “I know I hook up with lots of people and it looks like I fool around all the time, but I get you.  This just isn’t your scene and that’s fine.  Do you want to leave?”

“I don’t know.  Maybe,” Tyler didn’t really want to leave Josh behind though with all these strangers.  It’s one thing to go back to someone’s dorm room, and another thing completely to end up at a creep’s house.

“Well, let us know when you’re heading out,” Jack said and went through the doors.

Tyler looked at himself in the mirror.  He looked okay, and it seemed like the fear had settled down for now.  Maybe he’d just find Josh and hang with him.  They could go for late night McDonald’s once they got bored of the club.  Unless Josh was occupied with someone else.

Thankfully Josh was alone at the bar, sipping a whiskey ginger.

“You wanna dance?” Tyler asked.

“Okay,” Josh said and they moved into the rolling crowd together. They stood a few inches apart and started swaying to the beat.  Tyler mirrored his earlier actions, boldly putting his hands around Josh’s waist and pulled him towards his hips.  Josh was unreadable as lights danced across his face.  They said nothing to each other, though Tyler’s finger tips danced across vertebrae and Josh’s hands slipped into Tyler’s hair.  They didn’t do anything overtly sexual, but Josh still found it hard to meet Tyler’s steady gaze.  They were both way too sober for this, and broke apart suddenly in the middle of a song.

“You wanna head out?” Tyler yelled into Josh’s ear over the din.

“Yeah,” Josh shouted back.

They stopped for chicken nuggets on the way back from the club, and fell asleep in Tyler’s bed while a movie played on his laptop.

* * *

 

Tyler felt warmth and waves of pleasure, as he ground up into the sensation.  He wasn’t even sure what he was dreaming about initially; maybe they had a band practice, images of Josh’s head thrown back swimming across his eyelids, and now he was thrusting? He unconsciously slid a hand down to pump himself, coming into his boxers with a moan that woke himself up for real this time.  The first thing to register besides “oh shit I’m not alone” was Josh’s pink hair in front of his eyes.  It was still dark, but there was weak light beyond the window shades. 

Tyler didn’t dare breathe or move an inch, his hand still down his boxers.  He was in full panic mode, wondering if Josh had woken up to the fact that _Tyler had just gotten off while grinding into his ass_. Tyler flicked his eyes to the alarm clock that blinked ‘7:52 AM.’  Sam was snoring softly in his bed across the room and Tyler could hear Josh’s soft breaths once the rushing in his ears calmed.  He’d always made fun of Josh for being such a heavy sleeper that could fall asleep anywhere, always drawing on him when Josh passed out with shoes on.  But Tyler vowed never to do that again since it seemed like Josh had slept through the whole incident.

He felt sticky and gross, slipping out of bed to hunt for new underwear.  It was his last pair—he’d have to do laundry today.  Tyler took a quick cold shower, returning to his room to find Josh in the middle of the bed now, not leaving him much room. 

“Move over, bro,” Tyler nudged him.   Josh scooted only a little without opening his eyes.  Tyler squeezed into the free space.

“Where’d you go?”

“Had to piss.  It’s early, go back to sleep.”

“Why are you cold?”

“It’s February,” and Josh pulled him further in, dragging Tyler partially on top of him.  “What are you doing?”

“Warming you up, shut up.” 

Tyler closed his eyes and prayed the rest of his dreams would be more G-rated.  Though it would be hard to not think about Josh’s chest moving against his, arms wrapped around his waist, a casual leg between his knees.  This was far too close for his comfort, especially when he’d just gotten off to thoughts of his best friend.  But Josh was already back to sleep, and Tyler tried in vain to join him there.

_He was so fucked._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> josh dun's drumming fux me up too
> 
> Also I'm a ho for suggestions so Jake is now Jack so sue me


	5. Fall Through The Floor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> netflix and (snow) chill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not what I had planned...

It felt like a dance, a chasing tango where both were in pursuit, but also avoidance. Not aware of the others' mutual participation.  They hung out with different groups of people almost purposefully, never spending more than an hour or two in the other’s presence before rushing off elsewhere.  They didn’t talk about it to each other, and it wasn’t like they were angry or fighting—actually the opposite. It took a snowstorm to force them to confront the weird tension that had settled.

Everyone on campus had been tracking the blizzard all week, praying and hoping that classes would be canceled.  The university prided themselves on rarely shutting down, but every other school in the vicinity had declared a snow day by the day before.  It felt as if they were trying to be the last holdout, before caving to the inevitable.  Or perhaps they knew the instant that classes were cancelled, the parties would start to rage.

When the message came at 10pm the night before, Tyler was in the cafeteria and the whoops and hollers lead to a massive unanimous singalong of the riff from ‘Seven Nation Army’.  Josh was in his dorm and it was as if the volume of all the speakers on campus revved up at once, bass thumping as everyone simultaneously gave up on studying for their midterms.

The girls’ floor above them was going wild since their RA had left mysteriously and chaos reigned.  Several people ended up duct taped to the walls, and at 3 am, as snow began to fall, everyone drunkenly rushed out to cheer the flakes onward.  It was a Thursday night, and the weekend had started early.  Josh woke up the next morning in the small gap under a bunkbed which was extremely uncomfortable and nearly impossible to extricate himself from.   Several girls eating potato chips and smoking pot watched him hysterically laughing without helping.  Josh concluded that the third floor girls were wild and kinda dickish. 

The snow piled up throughout the day—already over a foot by the morning.  Everyone layered up their sweatpants and rushed out to climb the snowdrifts, taking several shots of Fireball to ‘warm up’.  It was almost like being a kid again, Tyler concluded, but with the added benefit of liquor.  They went numb fairly quickly, and once Sam started bleeding after a massive snowball to the face, everyone decided to stay inside for the rest of the day.  Several video game tournaments broke out, but the festivities seemed to wind down early after the crazy party last night and drinking all day.

Josh and Tyler decided to watch a movie, just the two of them in Josh’s room.  They huddled under some blankets, sitting up against the wall.  Jack snickered at them.

“You wanna join?” Tyler asked, secretly wishing he’d would go away.

“Nah.  I’ve got places to be, people to screw.”

“In this weather?” Josh said in shock, there was two feet of snow now. 

“A boy has his needs. And a bootycall named Alex.”  Jack had layered two pairs of sweatpants—one of which was probably originally Josh’s, boots, and a bulky hat that covered his dark hair.  “I’ll leave you two to your Netflix and chill.  Use protection since I won’t!”  Jack giggled and the door slammed shut behind him.

“What should we watch?” Josh asked, scrolling through his queue.

“Dunno,” Tyler set to tracing Josh’s kneecap, bare from the basketball shorts he was wearing.  Josh made no comment and chose a random action-y type movie, which Tyler barely paid attention to.  He was too focused on stroking the underside of Josh’s knee, and listening to his careful breaths.  Tyler risked a glance up at Josh’s face and the years of experience told him that the other boy was trying hard to look natural.  The clench in his jaw gave him away though.

At a moment went the music swelled dramatically, Tyler moved.  He pressed his side against Josh’s and rested his head upon his shoulder, a pretense for sliding his hand up Josh’s thigh.  The blankets covered his wandering hand, but also Josh’s reaction to it…if he was reacting in that, way Tyler couldn’t see, but he figured something was up by the way Josh’s eyelids flickered and slid almost shut.

Josh drew each breath in cautiously, the expanding of his ribs easing the pressure in his chest as Tyler’s fingers danced across skin.  He wanted this touch so badly, and ached for it.  _What was Tyler playing at? Was this just a joke because of the whole ‘Netflix and Chill’ comment before? Was Tyler just trying to casually fuck him because he was so easy?_ Josh felt disgusting for that moment.  He knew he’d been with many people, especially so far that year, and here was his supposed best friend _maybepossiblytrying_ to use him too.  Josh had been wrestling all semester with thoughts, but how could Tyler ever like him like that too?

Josh turned his head to Tyler who was surprisingly just inches away from his face, eyes wide and face glowing from the partial illumination of the laptop.

Josh started to ask “What…” _are you doing/do you want from me?_

Their lips collided, angle horrible on Josh’s neck as his head dug into the wall and he had to twist.  They existed for a moment not moving, and then they started pressing against each other.  Josh caught Tyler’s bottom lip in between his, and Tyler sucked a sharp breath through his nose.  He darted out his tongue across Josh’s lips which opened up to let him explore.  He switched the hands that were stroking his inner thigh, letting the other come up to tangle in the pink curls. 

Josh felt a head rush from the lack of air and Tyler pulled back.  They stared, hearts beating quickly.  Tyler grabbed the laptop which was balanced precariously, and slid it onto the desk for safekeeping, leaning over Josh in the process.  Josh’s hands bracketed Tyler’s hips and guided him to straddle his thighs.

Josh ducked his head to bite at the corner of Tyler’s jaw, and he moaned slightly as a mark appeared almost immediately.  Josh looked satisfied at his work, and Tyler bent down to meet his lips again. He rolled his hips experimentally forward, and Josh gasped into mouth.  He’d been hard since Tyler started touching his thigh, and Tyler was undeniably turned on too, his dick tenting sweatpants.

The kisses turned more frantic and hungry, pecks and nips as they set to grinding against one another.  They pulled their shirts off and Josh’s hands came up to touch Tyler’s chest, the other’s hands still buried in his hair.  They weren’t kissing anymore just watching as hands drifted over skin, watching reactions as fingers touched sensitive nipples, traced muscles, and descended lower to rest on the curve of the lower back.  The hands guided thrusts downward to meet an upward force, and Tyler memorized the movement of the muscles in Josh’s face, how he bit down on his kiss-swollen lips to muffle noises slipping by. 

“Can I?” Tyler whispered, his hand had been rubbing circles in Josh’s hip and he wanted to touch more, see more reactions.

“Whatever you want,” Josh said and let out a whimper he wasn’t expecting to make when Tyler gripped him lightly through his shorts.  He needed skin on skin, but he appreciated the way Tyler tested his reaction and teased noises out of him with gentle strokes even though there were still layers between them. 

The decision to get horizontal was more out of necessity because the pressure of the hard wall was becoming unbearable on Josh’s back.  Tyler ground down, still on top of him even at this new angle.  Josh’s hand wandered somewhere above his head—searching the where the bed met the wall.  Tyler ignored this strange action to resume thrusting his tongue into Josh’s mouth in time with the movements from his hips.  He felt like he was back in high school again, too nervous to explore below clothing, eager enough to be simply humping another body.

The sharp uncapping of the lube was enough to bring back Tyler to the situation, and Josh’s now slick hand slid beneath his waistband.  Tyler was quickly reminded how _awesome_ under the clothes was, and he sucked a bruise into Josh’s neck in appreciation.  Calluses were a new sensation and not unpleasant, and he stopped his movements as he became overwhelmed.

Tyler was holding himself on slightly shaking arms above Josh, hovering with his eyes shut.  His head was bent and breaths quickened.  Josh hooked fingers in the waistband of Tyler’s sweatpants and began tugging downward.  Tyler leaned down on him, bending Josh’s wrist uncomfortably and unfortunately causing him draw his hand away as Tyler wriggled the rest of his clothing off. 

Josh had never been allowed to appreciate Tyler like this before, and he felt dizzy again.  This was crossing a million lines, and there was no turning back from the time they jacked each other off.

“Get naked with me,” Tyler’s voice was breathy and nervous, and he quirked an eyebrow in response.

“I’m kinda trapped.” Tyler moved backwards off of him, sitting back on his knees and Josh scooted up to a half-sitting position.  He shoved his shorts off, and they sat for a moment looking at each other in full.

“So what now?” Tyler said, and Josh shrugged.  All of a sudden, unease was descending.  This was ridiculous, they were best friends and now their clothes were off, they were hard, and neither was brave enough to restart the path they were going down.

“I’ve never touched a dick besides my own.” Tyler confessed quickly, head ducking down to watch his finger trace the patterns in the bedspread.

“I know.”  Josh lay back down, propped up on his arms.  “Come back here.”  And Tyler took the plunge, climbing onto Josh’s thighs, and reached for the bottle of lube.  Tyler’s movements were hesitant at first, and when Josh could think things more than just trying to last, he could sense that Tyler was nervous as hell.  His eyes were glued downward and his other hand gripped the blanket tightly, knuckles white.  Josh tried to show how much he was enjoying _this,_ but the tension in Tyler’s shoulders would not slacken. 

Josh reached for his neck and guided him down to meet his lips.  Tyler came forward easily.  They kissed for several long minutes, Tyler’s fist no longer moving.  Josh lost all shred of control after a while and began to thrust into the grip. Tyler pulled away and watched Josh fuck his hand.   He started feeling a little braver, wanting control back.  Changing position, he started jacking Josh off while using his  knees to press down Josh’s hips. 

“Fuck,” Josh gasped as his orgasm approached and one of Tyler’s hands strayed down to his balls.  Tyler thrusted forward and rubbed his dick against Josh’s, thumbing the slit.  Josh was falling apart beneath him and Tyler was smiling in satisfaction.  It was almost a little disconcerting, but Josh was behind caring as he came over both of them.  Tyler stroked him through, watching Josh’s hands curl and grip his thighs.   He was painfully hard and wanted relief, wondering if Josh would be annoyed if he jacked off onto his stomach.

Josh grabbed Tyler’s biceps once he had motor control back to his limbs, and then pulled him to his side.  He slotted a thigh between Tyler’s leg as the latter began to thrust and groan.

“Tell me what you want,” Josh whispered as he worked a hand between them.

Tyler was losing speech capabilities, and he stuttered, “Your…mouth. Please.”  And Josh responded by kissing down his torso, and licking the precome that had gathered.  And it was too much for Tyler as Josh took him into his mouth.  Josh only had to make eye contact for Tyler to come with a high-pitched noise.  Tyler thought about it later and was embarrassed he lasted only a few seconds, whereas Josh just affectionately rubbed his thigh and filed it away as ‘cute memories of Tyler’.

Tyler laid stock still as Josh moved back up next to him.  They’d just hooked up and Tyler had no idea what to do next.  Were they supposed to cuddle? What was he supposed to do with all this cum on the both of them?  What if the people next door heard their noises and knew? What if his family was about to come bursting through the door and curse him for sleeping with his best friend?

“Tyler, don’t freak out,” Josh thumbed his hip and nuzzled into his neck.

“How are you not freaking out?”

“Because I’m enjoying the afterglow.  Snuggle me, bro.”

“I’m covered in bodily fluids.  Let me get clean first.”  Josh moved so he was hanging off the side of the bed and searching underneath.  Tyler pointedly did not look at his butt.

“You’re very prepared,” Tyler commented as he took a few squares.

Josh ignored the comment, hoping that Tyler wasn’t implying anything about his proclivities.  Tyler searched through the discarded clothing for his briefs and put them on.

“Dude, you just came in my mouth, let’s just be naked.”  Tyler didn’t know what to say to that.  That he felt like he needed to hide, but didn’t want to be an asshole and leave Josh used and alone.  He stood up.

“You wanna get something to eat?” Tyler searched for a way out, “I’m hungry.  Are you?”

“I already ate,” Josh joked, trying to cut the awkwardness.  Tyler didn’t laugh and kept putting on clothing.

“Tyler don’t shut me out,” Josh reached an arm out toward him and Tyler knocked it away.

“Why are you acting like this is all okay?” Tyler found himself uncontrollably shouting, and Josh jerked his hand back like he’d been burnt.

“Because it is?  We trust each other and I lo—”

“Josh, you’re my best friend and best friends don’t—they shouldn’t.  What would everyone say?”

“Aren’t you supposed to wait twenty-four hours before regretting hooking up with me?  That’s how it usually goes.”

“That’s not fair!”

“What the hell is it then?  If I remember correctly, you were the one who started touching me.  But I guess I’m nothing more than a casual fuck to anyone,” Josh was curling into a ball under the blanket, and Tyler was fully clothed and hyperventilating

“It all just happened so fast. I can’t—I’m sorry,” Tyler’s head was spinning and he needed air.

“Yeah I’m sure you are,” Josh’s voice was bitter and cracked.

Tyler swam towards the door, moving out of the room, through the hall, down the stairs, and throwing open the door to the outside cold winter air.  He sat in the snow, shivering and ignoring the tears that fell as he gasped for breath.  It was so late that there were no lights on in any of the dorm rooms.  He wished he could be swallowed by the whiteness into non-existence because there was no escaping what just happened.  This couldn’t be written out and everything was going to change.  And he’d screwed over the one person that had always been there for him.   He’d denied the feelings he had because his brain was too messed up to let him have this one beautiful thing.

Josh laid there numb, staring at the ceiling, riding the waves of sadness that swept over him.  The shadows from the lampposts flickering until the sun rose and filled the room with the light of realization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the characters actually ran away from me and my plan. they did their own thing, it's not my fault, and I'm sorry I had to leave it like that.  
> (And yes Josh was totally going for the L-word there. *drives knife in harder*)


	6. Things Are Too Fast Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be a happy quick story and they were going to kiss and fall in love as I intended but then this happened...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: suicidal thoughts

Tyler thought he would just hide for a few days, and then there would be a tearful apology and they’d work through whatever happened.  Josh expected Tyler to do something dramatic with a song on the ukulele, possibly food as a gift, and then they’d be friends again.  They had arguments before and it had always worked out.  But then the days stretched into weeks and soon it was spring break and Tyler backed out of going to Puerto Rico with their group of friends.  Josh hadn’t had a conversation with him since February, and couldn’t tease out what excuse he’d given to the other guys. 

While both boys didn’t tell their parents or family about the falling out, everyone at school knew there was weird tension between Tyler and Josh, and it was obvious they had a fight.  The last time Tyler ever partied with the group, Josh got extremely drunk and grinded on Jack the whole night.  Tyler knew Josh was trying to make him jealous, but that didn’t stop him from making out with a girl in full view of Josh. 

Tyler’s eyes bore holes into Josh as he and Jack left the party hanging off of each other, Jack unabashedly groping Josh’s ass.  He watched his former best friend fling his head back, laughing, catching his eyes and then turning away.  _Go fuck Jack, see if I care_.

And Josh kinda almost did.

They were in Jack’s bed, and he was sucking Josh off with two fingers moving inside him.

“Fuck me, fuck me, c’mon already,” Josh was mumbling and Jack was laughing around his dick.

“Josh Dun, you wild,” Jack said, pulling off with a pop.

“Less talking, more fucking.”

“Real talk, you sure about this?” Josh pushed Jack’s head back down and almost came as Jack swallowed him down and found his prostate.  A jumble of words and curses escaped his lips and his back arched as Jack worked his throat and fingers, adding a third.  Josh was so close to the edge but then Jack was pulling away, a weird look on his face.

“Wha-what are you doing?” Josh panted, coming to his senses.

“Yeah we’re not doing this.  You’re too fucked up right now.”

“No I’m not!”

“Josh, did you mean to call me Tyler? Repeatedly.”

Josh spluttered, “Uh…I dunno—no. Jack, please I wanna—”

“What’s been going on with you?” Jack fixed him with a steely gaze, and Josh didn’t realize that Jack was capable of looking that worried about anything.

“Nothing! I’ve just been stressed about papers and stuff.  Stop fucking around and stick your dick in me.”

“What happened between you and Tyler?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Josh said and then lost control.  Hiding his face in his hands, the story spilled out of him and Jack listened sympathetically.

“You guys gotta talk,” Jack said after a while, “I’m no expert on relationships, but if you want to work through this, you have to communicate.”

“But he doesn’t want to talk to me, he h-hates me,” Josh hiccupped, drunk and crying now.

“No way, man.  Tyler loves you. Like a lot.”

“You should have seen his face then…and every time since. And tonight.  I don’t want to talk about him anymore,” Josh stood up and started pulling on clothes, “I’m going to sleep.”

“Josh—”

“Let’s just not mention this again, okay?” Josh landed hard on his bed, facing the wall.  He could hear Jack sigh and leave the room.  Maybe to go jerk off the bathroom, or hook up with Alex or something.  Josh didn’t care, he just closed his eyes and held in his feelings until sleep overcame him.

* * *

The tight group of floormates tightened while others drifted away.  Sam spent a lot of time with his girlfriend, and Tyler would tag along with that crowd sometimes—they were the more frat-type people, but surprisingly very chill.  They made an intramural basketball team, and would sit around with beers rather than party wildly with abandon.  Sam and Tyler decided to room together, and apart from the rest of the guys.  Tyler was aware they were going to rent a house together, and he felt a little twinge of jealousy that went away with time.

Tyler heard Josh wasn’t coming home for the summer, instead working on a cruise ship for the long break.  He spent the months working at an ice cream shop, learning to record his own music, and hanging out with friends, as usual.  They would talk about Josh occasionally, envious about the photos he’d post online in different locations.  Tyler was able to pretend for a little longer that nothing was catastrophically wrong, that the last time they’d talked was sooner than February.  When his mother would ask what Josh was up to, Tyler would play off what he’d seen online as a conversation between the two estranged friends.

He debated going back to school or not.  His grades were okay.  He liked his friends.  Tyler loved the freedom.  He just would get a sick feeling in his stomach when he thought about Josh, and the possibility of running into him on campus.  Tyler didn’t even know what he was so upset about.  He knew there was a point when he liked Josh in…that way.  Josh seemed to like him back, but Tyler couldn’t go through with talking to him and making it better.  And now there were months spent apart and Josh must hate him so much.  And everyone liked Josh so much more than him.  He was a lot more fun to be around and not as screwed up and unlovable. 

Tyler’s mind would start to spiral down, thinking everyone would just be better off without him.  He’d fantasize at length about his funeral—sometimes no one would show up, sometimes people would be there to laugh at him.  Josh always stood out in these fevered thoughts, and depending on how self-vicious Tyler felt, he’d either be bored or pleased or sometimes crying.  He sunk into a funk for days on end, drifting numbly from meal to meal, work shift to evenings spent in parking lots.  Once he washed a single dish for an hour, and no one noticed, even though his hands purpled and wrinkled.  He only snapped out of it when the family packed up the car and headed to the Jersey shore.  As if leaving Ohio removed the clouds for a while, and he forgot to miss Josh for a little while.

Josh was having fun.  He was meeting new people and making money for the tattoo he had set his mind on.  He rarely thought about Tyler, instead busying himself with work and exploring each port when he had free time.  The expected debauchery happened, and it all felt like summer camp.  He only stopped to miss Tyler and feel hollow on the rough nights when he’d sit out on the deck.  Sometimes he’d dangle his feet over the edge, and wonder how long it’d take them to realize he was gone if he jumped.  

Being at college was like a different world, and then when they’d leave, everything would seem real and heavy.  Summer break was the hangover, and September was dreaded and wished for.

* * *

 

Josh did marching band again, and Tyler decided to rush for a fraternity.  He never thought he would, but his social circle had contracted and he needed to try something new.  Tyler didn’t return to music guild since Josh seemed more entrenched with those people.  He also tried a Christian group that seemed very accepting.  He had some really low points the past year and wanted to connect with people on a deeper level now he had lost his better half.  They became the friends he turned to and show his lyrics to, the darkest thoughts he held back from the rest of the world.  And they embraced him for it, and showed him their wounds too.  Having this net would help him when he’d run into Josh at a party, or see him crossing the quad with newly purple hair, and Tyler would want to hurt himself for destroying the most important friendship he ever had.

Tyler and Sam got into a fraternity after a long and not-as-terrible-as-portrayed-to-be pledge period.  They were his brothers now, and where he lived his junior and senior year.  He had _fun_ again, and tight relationships with people.  Alexa’s sorority was close with them so they were still friends.  They never dated but she would introduce him to her friends, and they adored him for how sweet he was.  And Tyler went out with a few of them, but could never commit to going steady for more than a month.  He felt too exposed, too many secrets being pried when he had to be with someone like that.

Their paths wouldn’t cross again for years.  Tyler heard Josh was studying abroad in Japan for fall semester of junior year, and he decided to go to Australia for spring semester.  Josh stayed at school the summer before leaving taking a class and working on campus, and Tyler went back home again. 

They were their own people now, having essentially spent most of college apart.  Tyler was going to be the Vice President of the fraternity, and the underclassmen would come to him with their issues, and somehow he was able to help them.  He was super busy with all the activities he built up over the years, and no longer drank excessively.  Tyler even recorded a whole album of songs, and the frat had a listening party and absolutely loved it (which made Tyler so happy because he expected them to be freaked out by what he was saying, but these were his friends, his college family, and they accepted him too).

Tyler would stop sometimes during mixers and late night shenanigans and pranks to realize he was _happy_ and he was glad he stuck around through the low days.

* * *

 

The summer before senior year, Tyler found himself wandering through old haunts alone.  He was about to start the last chapter of his education, and adulthood was on the other side.  Real life; he’d need to find a job and have responsibilities.  This was his last summer of blissful immaturity.  He would just lace up his sneakers and walk for hours.  One day in July he headed out aimlessly, thinking about nothing and everything when he walked the miles to the old playground by Josh’s house.  Tyler could not ever remember getting there by foot before—he’d certainly rode his bike there but that was much quicker than feet upon pavement.

It was hot in the late afternoon and he only briefly worried about a sunburn on his bare shoulders, but it cooled by the time he arrived and the sun had gone down.  It warmed his heart to see that it barely had changed.  Some equipment was new, but the jungle gym was still the same, and thankfully everything was untouched by vandals. 

The old crowd came here to drink in the middle of the night a few times in high school, giggling and shoving each other down slides.  There would be make-out sessions in the tunnel, and contests to see who could jump the furthest off the swings.  Tyler often would climb to the highest point and girls would shriek in fear—in hindsight he was lucky to not have broken his neck after all he’d drink.  They’d run from the cops when they’d come to patrol, laughing about how close they’d gotten to getting caught.

Tyler made his way to the climbing dome.  It was much smaller than he remembered—he could touch the top without much of a stretch.  No longer did he have to climb up from the bottom, and he found his perch easily.  He brought snacks in a backpack and sat munching on chips, enjoying just being alone.

“Hey,” a voice said and Tyler nearly slipped.  He looked over the edge and there he was, staring up at him like he’d done all those years ago.  Tyler was overwhelmed by emotion at the sight of him, as if Tyler’s presence here summoned Josh to this spot.  Tyler wondered for a moment if this was simply an apparition of memories, but this Josh wasn’t the Josh of the past.  He was older, tattooed, a snapback on.  He was actually here, and for the first time in ages, they were talking to each other.

“Hi,” Tyler choked out, his voice strained.

“Is it okay if I climb up there?”

“You sure about that? Didn’t work out well last time,” Tyler smiled in spite of the sadness welling from his throat to his eyes.

“Good point.  Come down then.”

Tyler dropped down, following Josh to the swingset and they sat down next to each other.

“How’s it been going?” Josh broke the silence that had lasted for over two years.

“Alright.  Just working and stuff.  You?”

“Same. This is my first summer back here in years.  It’s been kinda dull,” Josh ran the toe of his shoe through the woodchips.

Tyler made a noise of agreement.

“You going back to school for marching band soon?”

“Next month. I’m the drum section leader.”

“That’s awesome.”

“I heard you’re in a frat? Aren’t you going to be president or something?”

“Vice president.  And yeah, I didn’t think I’d ever join, but it’s actually not what everyone makes it out to be.”

They continued to talk, catching up with each other’s lives as if they hadn’t been collecting the information about the other through the grapevine all this time.  They edged around the issue though, as if what was said that night in the snow was too painful to address at this time.

“So you have a girlfriend?” Josh asked tentatively.

“No?” Tyler wondered where he’d gotten that idea.  Tyler hadn’t dated anyone since October of junior year.

“Oh, I just saw—I thought. Never mind.”

“How about you? Do you have…anyone?”  Josh shook his head, and it went unsaid that the two had ruined the other for anyone else.

Tyler studied Josh’s profile and realized the feelings were still there, the ones he ran from.  He wondered what Josh was thinking as they swayed back and forth.  The lights from the streetlamps cast shadows down his face, and there was an ocean between them of what wasn’t said.

“Chips?” Tyler asked, withdrawing the bag from his backpack.  Josh gratefully took a handful and they fell into silence again. All the pleasantries that had been said were said, all the necessary questions asked, and now they didn’t know how to go forward.

“I should probably start heading back,” Tyler stood.  It was very late and he was going to walking back for a while.

“Me too,” Josh looked at the empty street, “Where did you park your car?”

“I walked.”

“Seriously?”  Tyler nodded, “Nah, it’ll take you forever. Lemme drive you home.”

Josh still had the same car, and it felt like how it used to be with the radio on, windows down and driving down the familiar roads.

“I’m starving, you wanna stop to get food first?” Josh asked.

“Of course.”

The only thing open at this hour was Taco Bell drive thru, and they parked in the lot and ate.  It felt like a weight was being lifted as they started joking back and forth, and singing along to the radio.  They had so many years and so much history together that the threads of what once was were easily picked back up.  They finally compared tattoos, and Tyler admired the work as Josh explained his future plans for it.  It was only in front of Tyler’s house, where they sat in the car for a while, just talking, that Tyler brought up what had been hovering over them.

“Josh—before I go.  I just want to say…I’m sorry for what I did.  It was awful of me to leave you then, and then we never talked and I’m really sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

“Don’t be.  I was—”

“We both were wrong,” Josh wasn’t meeting his eyes, instead looked out the windshield.

“I missed you so much.”

“Me too.”

“Can we hang out again? My mom keeps saying you need to come over soon.”

“Mine too,” Josh smiled at him, finally making eye contact.  “I’ll call you tomorrow…well, later today.”

“Okay.  Drive safe.”

Tyler barely slept a wink that night, worrying that the phone call would never come.  That it was all a dream, that Josh was just bored and getting his kicks from keeping Tyler on the edge.  One night reminded Tyler of how he felt, and he just prayed they could repair something.  It didn’t matter if Josh no longer reciprocated his feelings; he just wanted to be his friend again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to just have a time hop for years and years away, but I'm not that cruel. Still pretty cruel though.


	7. Wouldn't It Be Great?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A return, a beginning

Tyler woke up in a puddle of drool still fully dressed, lying across his bed.  It was violently daytime, and he knew he must have slept late.  His phone was what startled him—buzzing and ringing near his ear.  It took his sleepy limbs several moments to remember what to do.

“Hello?” Tyler planted his ear on the phone.

“Hey. Uh, did you just wake up?” Josh’s voice was tinny through the speakers.

“Yeah,” Tyler groaned, stretching, “What’re you doing?”

“Nothing really. Just watching TV.  You wanna hang out?”

“Sounds good.  Mark said something about having a pizza and movie night at his place, if you wanna go?” Tyler suggested

“Would that be okay with him?”

“Dude, you know he’d be thrilled, you’ll be my surprise guest.” Since Josh neglected to answer lots of the old crowd’s texts and invitations, that people just stopped texting him.  But it didn’t mean they all stopped liking him.

“You wanna come over before? My mom wants to say hi. And I’m really bored”

“I’ll be over as soon as I shower,” Tyler said, feeling victorious.

Tyler was greeted by a big hug at the door by Josh’s mom and a million questions about his life.  Josh hung back, looking almost embarrassed but Tyler didn’t care.  It just felt good to be back here in the Dun’s living room.  He dropped leading texts to Mark all day about a big surprise that night, while they played video games. 

By his own mother’s insisting, Tyler stopped back at home before Mark’s place with Josh in tow and he was practically attacked too.  It was funny to watch Josh squirm a bit, but they had to cut it short, because Mark was texting demanding that he show up immediately.

The other guys cheered when Josh appeared behind Tyler, and again he was questioned at length. 

“Where the hell you been, man?”

“Damn, you look hardcore.”

“What was Japan like?”

Tyler could easily interpret the tension in Josh’s shoulders and eyes, like an old book he’d read many times before but hadn’t picked up in a while.  Tyler couldn’t think of what more to do than throw an arm around him and hand Josh a beer.  But the initial awkwardness didn’t cloud the whole night, and before long, Josh was back in the fabric of the group, filling the part he’d left behind.  It felt like completion, and that everything was alright in Tyler’s world to see Josh laughing again.

* * *

 

"I know our school is big and all but I feel like I haven't found anyone that I see myself with. Alexa always has friends that are really lovely but like, I can't make it work, you know?" Tyler sighed. They were lying on their backs staring up at the night sky in Josh's yard a few days later. Josh drank deeply from a bottle of wine and handed it to Tyler. 

Josh had insisted on 'upgrading their consumption' now he was 21 and legal.  ' _We're going to be classy and drink white wine', 'isn't that a chick thing to do?', 'it's summertime. You gotta drink white wine in the summer'_

A bag of tortilla chips with a container of salsa lay between them, and hands would drift occasionally down to munch.

"College is college," Josh announced, "You don't have to meet your spouse there. You've got, like, your whole life ahead of you."

"I guess. Sometimes I think there's something wrong with me."

"To be fair, you think that a lot of the time."

"Yeah, you're right."

The bottle changed hands again.

"I had a realization the other day," Josh said.

"'Bout what?" Tyler rolled onto his side to look at him.

"Me." He drank again and handed the wine to Tyler who finished it. He scrambled for their second bottle and opened it. Josh grabbed it from his hands and chugged about a third.

"Hey!" Tyler said in protest, "you've gotta savor it."  He snatched it and chugged in response.  He wasn’t drunk yet, his eyes felt only a little unfocused and it was just pleasant, deep feelings at the moment.  Josh was grinning at him, and they looked at each other without talking for some minutes.

“What was your realization?”

“Oh right,” Josh bit his lip, thinking, “I was just thinking about how I’ve never really had a real relationship.  Everything has been temporary, even in high school.  And in college I’ve just…”

“Hooked up with a lot of people?”

Josh winced briefly, “Essentially.  I’m not opposed to dating, it’s just like…no one wants to date me.”

“That’s so not true!” Tyler exclaimed, “You’re a catch.  You’re one of the nicest guys I know. I’d totally---uh I mean, you are awesome.”  Tyler had nearly slipped up and said ‘ _I’d totally date you’_ but they were still repairing their broken friendship; now was definitely the worst time to make it complicated again.

“I think that’s my problem,” Josh didn’t seem to notice Tyler’s near-blunder.

“Being too awesome?”

“No, I’m too nice.”

“That’s not a bad thing.”

“Yeah it is when people take advantage of it constantly.  Nice guys finish last and all,” Josh said bitterly around the bottle held to his lips.

“Josh, I’m sorry—”

“Don’t apologize.  It’s not just you.  I know I’m only an easy lay to lots of people, but I keep doing it because…I dunno.”

“You crave love and human contact?” Tyler suggested.

“You’re probably right,” Josh sighed and laughed hollowly, “I never thought I’d end up being, like, the campus slut during college.”

“Dude, don’t say that about yourself,” this conversation was downward spiraling too quickly for the happy tipsy feeling Tyler had been feeling. Tyler reached out to grab Josh’s hand, and he let Tyler rub his thumb over the bones and warm skin.

“It was a rough wake up, but I think next year I’m going to change my ways.  I’m not sleeping with anyone unless we’re in a relationship.  I’ve sown my wild oats long enough.  Gotta grow up.”

“Good for you,” Tyler tried to sound encouraging, wishing to be the one Josh chose.  His mind drifted to imagining what could be.  They lapsed into silence, the wine almost all gone. 

“You wanna go to bed?” Josh asked, and Tyler jerked away, not aware he’d fallen asleep.

He wasn’t aware of how tipsy he’d been until he stood and staggered, holding onto Josh’s shoulder for support.  They crept through the silent house into Josh’s room, hovering for a moment as he had no idea where to go.

“I’m okay with sharing, unless you want me to sleep on the floor?” Tyler said.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Josh patted the space next to him.  Tyler settled down, and listened to Josh’s breaths lengthen and even out.  They were not touching in any way, and they faced different directions.  It was okay.  They were going to be okay.

* * *

 

They went back to being _JoshandTyler_ and _TylerandJosh_ quickly.  Josh confessed he’d been listening to Tyler’s mixtape ever since he ‘released’ it and wanted to work on some stuff together again.  Tyler was getting sick of his mind saying ‘ _Just like old times,’_ but it was so true and wonderful.  The hollow feeling in Josh’s chest on those nights he was alone and sad felt like it was being filled up again.  He felt worthwhile in a way that he’d only been able to find in Tyler’s eyes, as sappy as that sounded.

That last month sped by in a rush of short roadtrips and drives around town, windows down and music blasting.  They’d travel into the heart of the city to wander aimlessly, or hang out in people’s basements or backyards.  It was their last grasp of the threads of youth before everything changed again, and they were just glad it was with each other.  Tyler was battling with his desire and with his mind—does he go for what he wants, or keep the way it had been, what they had returned to.

Tyler’s family hosted a big barbecue that timed directly with the last weekend before Josh went back to school.  Cars lined the street of the assorted family, friends, family friends, friends of family friends, piled into the backyard and spilt into the house.  Josh’s family was there too, though they took separate cars knowing Josh would probably end up staying the night.  As it got darker and the fireflies were chased by the little children, the adults gravitated to sitting on various chairs and seats that had been set on the patio, while the ‘older kids’ grabbed a couple bottles of vodka and disappeared to the basement for drinking games.  Tyler prayed his mother wouldn’t find out he was getting his younger siblings drunk, but it was just part of being the corrupting eldest brother.

Josh was fuzzy and his face felt like a mask, uncooperative with his commands—slow smiles.  Music was playing and there was ridiculous dancing happening, but he was content to just sit there and watch everything unfold.  Several of the younger people there had to be dragged to the bathroom, but he was so beyond that level of naiveté.  His eyes strayed across the room, landing on Tyler who had his shirt off and was swaying to the beat.  Josh figured he might as well join and Tyler smiled wide when Josh tossed his own shirt off.

“Let’s go wreck some havoc,” Tyler said, and grabbed Josh’s hand and pulled him up the stairs.  Josh let himself be guided, no idea what Tyler had in mind.  The goal in Tyler’s mind was apparently to jump in a neighbor’s pool.

“Josh, don’t worry about it.  They’re at the party still!” Tyler was floating in just his boxers, and Josh was hovering at the edge.

“Come on! Do a backflip!”

Josh couldn’t turn down such a tempting request, and he kicked off his pants and shoes, leaving them in a pile next to Tyler’s discarded clothing.  The backflip may have ended as more of a bellyflop, but Tyler cheered like Josh had won the Olympics or something.  The part of Josh’s brain that spoke in his mom’s voice was scolding him for mixing alcohol and swimming, but he wasn’t drunk.  Just young and _alive_ , and Tyler was swimming so close to him they were almost touching.  Josh licked his liquor-numbed lips, and Tyler watched the movement hungrily.

“Tyler Joseph, you better not be swimming in my pool without my permission,” a voice yelled over the fence, and they both leapt out.  They were running at top speed while tugging on their shoes, heading around the side of the house away from the only slightly-annoyed neighbor, through the gate and down the street.   

They stopped and hid behind Josh’s parked car, gasping for air and laughing.  They were both dripping wet, clutching dry pants in their hands.

“Did anyone follow us?”  Josh asked.

Tyler peeked over the roof, seeing nothing but a deserted street.  The echoes of talking and music from the party were faint this far down the street.

“I don’t think so.  We got away with it.”

“Dude, no.  They know it was you.”

“Eh, I wouldn’t worry about it.  They love me.”

“Tyler?”  The alcohol and adrenaline was making Josh feel bold.

“Yeah?” Tyler’s skin glittered in the street lamps with beads of collected water droplets.

“Can I kiss you?”

Tyler didn’t respond, this had been the cue he’d waited for.  He just grabbed the back of Josh’s head and pressed their lips together.  It was an awkward position; Josh sitting with legs stretched out and Tyler crouching over him.  The kiss was hungry, full of longing of the past two years and even before then.  They broke apart only when the rumbling of a car grew louder and passed by.

“We gotta find somewhere private,” Tyler said, running a hand through his wet hair.

“Your room?”

“I am not making out with you while my brother is sleeping in the same room!”

“He could be asleep in the basement,” Josh smiled and drew Tyler back to him.

“Doubt it—mmph.”  Their lips and teeth fought for dominance until they were interrupted again by a passing car.

“Wait…” Josh dove for his abandoned pants, and dug into the pocket, withdrawing his keys. 

“Smarty,” Tyler went for the door handle, and there was a brief battle of locking and unlocking the door.  He slid himself into the backseat and Josh fiddled in the front to crack the windows.  “Hurry up.”

“Wow, someone’s impatient,” Josh said finally crawling across the backseat to press Tyler against the door.

“I’ve wanted this for too long,” Tyler confessed and they began to move, breathing against each other harsh gasps.  Hand strayed down, drawing gasped names and curses.  Josh’s eyes mostly closed, Tyler’s wide and studying each reaction.  He was and they were older than the last time they were in this situation, and Tyler’s lips promising to not make the same mistake as before.  They had fucked each other up, and would keep doing that like stars on a collision course.

The pool water and sweat dried as they lay with tangled limbs after the hands drew climax.

“So much for waiting to hook up with someone until we’re actually in a relationship,” Josh sighed as he traced Tyler’s collarbone with a finger.

“Why not?”  Tyler decided not to ease in, dividing head first.

“Wha-what do you mean?” Josh pulled up and looked confused, and almost angry.

“Why don’t we…you know, date?”  Tyler held his gaze, meeting him with a smile.

“You can’t be serious,” and Josh’s expression softened, his expression vulnerable.

“Deadly serious.  We’re so beyond friends now.  I’ve been thinking a lot this summer and I think we should go for it.  There is no one in my life that’s mattered as much as you, and I don’t want to send you off to band camp without telling you how I feel.”

“But Tyler…”

“Josh, I know how you feel about me.  And you’ve gotta know how I feel about you.”

“What if we screw this up? I can’t lose you again.”  Tyler wanted to kiss away the panic, Josh worrying his bottom lip with sharp teeth.

“You’re stuck with me, babe,” Tyler gripped Josh’s hair and pulled him down to meet his lips.

“Okay,” Josh said when they pulled apart.

“Just okay?” Tyler giggled.

“What do you want? A grand, dramatic, sweeping romantic speech?   I think you’ve taken care of that.”

“I gotta have a better story than ‘Josh was like ‘okay, I _guess_ I’ll date you’.  Please give that to me?”

“Fine,” Josh fake-sighed and rolled his eyes, “Alright, Tyler Joseph, I’ll be your boyfriend, because you’re the cutest boy in the whole school, and I wanna hold your hand.”

“Better, now get off me cuz I want to put on boxers that don’t smell of chlorine and come,.” Tyler shoved at him, and Josh moved away with a groan.  “Don’t make that face, we can snuggle.”

“I thought _someone_ had an issue with doing that when their brother is in the room,” They began to pull their pants on and fix their hair.

“Nah, dude this will be 100% PG snuggling.  All hands above waist.  I’m a gentleman.” Tyler aimed a smack for Josh’s ass.  He was giddy, today may be one of the best days of his life and he wanted to commemorate it in song and dance.  At this moment, it felt like nothing could go wrong.  What the stars had intended was finally coming to be and everything was beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :-D  
> I kinda struggled with this part, so I'm sorry for the delay and any mistakes I've made. Time for fluff! Things are on the up-and-up!   
> ...also if you've noticed, I've finally added a chapter limit, so sadly we're nearing the end of this tale


	8. If We Could Just Lay Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happened at band camp part 2....why is it always blowjobs? (tw: homophobic slur, inappropriate touching)

Josh hadn’t been to band camp since sophomore year, because he’d been abroad last fall.  It wasn’t like he’d taken a full year off however, since he did pep band in the spring semester.  Those were pretty much all the same people, but there was a big difference between the two seasons.  Marching band was intense, and as a section leader, Josh had even more responsibilities, which completely scared the crap out of him.  He never really had a leadership position before, and here he was in charge of the whole drumline.  Most of them—the verdict was still out on the newbies—were people he’d known for a while and trusted, but they seemed to try to fight him on everything.  And Josh was usually far from assertive. 

After the first three days, he paced outside the band leader’s office, debating handing his resignation in since he was clearly the wrong choice.  Then Greg, a fellow senior who played the clarinet, walked by and gave Josh a great pep talk that spurred him to give it another go.  Day four went better, but day five found him losing his temper at the juniors.

“I don’t give a shit anymore.  I know it’s hot but you’ve gotta get this right or I’ll make sure you’re not allowed into any parties this weekend!”

It was just another wound to his pride to have everyone erupt into giggles.

“Take a five,” He sighed and walked off the field.  Josh pulled out his phone and started to text Tyler. “ _tell me I can do this because I don’t think—”_

“Hey Josh, you okay?” Greg came jogging to him. Josh shrugged and an arm was draped around his shoulders.  “It’s going to be fine.  We’ve got so much time to get everything perfect, like two more weeks!  And the drums sound great already.”

Josh was too tired to even talk, just letting Greg rub circles into his shoulder.

“You’re doubting yourself a lot, Josh, but you’re actually pretty good at this.”

“No way, man.”

“Shush.  If I say you’re good, you’re good.  Now go back to work, there’s fun to be had tonight,” and Greg pushed him back to the assembled drumline.  And the rest of the day went really well.

* * *

 

Tyler didn’t want to edge on Josh’s time at band camp, but he was bored without him, so they would video call every few days.  Tyler would tell him what had been going on back home (pretty much nothing), while Josh would complain about his rebellious troops.  And it’d either end with the two whispering their way through orgasms or Josh falling asleep.

“Did I tell you that I’ve got a room to myself? I can’t wait for you to come,” Josh sighed into his phone, stretching out on the bed and staring at the ceiling.  He was still living in the same house with most of the guys from freshman year, including Jack.  They’d all just gotten along together so well that they’d rented the place for three years in a row.  But only Josh and one other housemate, Blair, had moved in so far. 

Another week had slipped by and everything was really coming together.  The drum section finally stopped talking back to him, and he’d actually been having fun again during practice.  It was just so awesome to be a senior; mentoring the freshmen, being old enough to go to bars.  The senior group had gotten really close—Greg and Josh especially.  They’d never really hung out a lot before then, but now they would always eat lunch and dinner together.  Greg was super encouraging to Josh and laughed a lot, but the only thing weird thing was that Greg was super touchy.  Josh tried to not let it bother him, because he’d be handsy with lots of his own friends, so why was he so sensitive about it this time?  Josh concluded it was probably because he had an actual boyfriend now.

They had the next day off from practice and Josh had been delaying taking a shower before heading out for the night.  It was a little over a week before everyone else moved back to school, but he was aching to see Tyler again, so that felt like eternity.  He listened to Tyler’s quickening breaths, guessing that he was probably palming himself through his boxers.

“I miss you too,” Tyler responded, his voice soft, “I’m also going to have a private room since I’m…VP.” He gave a little whine, and Josh gave words of encouragement, his own hand slipping under his waistband.  The shower could wait.

* * *

 

“Josh Dun, you’re so pretty,” Greg slurred later that night right into Josh’s ear, hot breath smelling of alcohol.  They were at this house party leaning against each other; Greg had an arm draped around Josh’s lower back, resting on his hip.  Josh laughed uncomfortably, his arm around Greg’s shoulders for support

“Chill dude,” Josh said over the music.  Their friends were all around them, but no one was paying close attention to these two drunken boys.  Josh hadn’t planned on getting drunk tonight—he just wanted a few drinks, but Greg, with a manic gleam in his eye, had insisted everyone take multiple rounds of shots. Then there was a salad bowl of jungle juice everyone was forced to their knees to drink from.  Before long Josh found himself losing coordination.  It was too hot, too sticky in that house and outdoors and Josh wanted to lock himself in a freezer.

Greg’s free hand drifted to Josh’s thigh, who tried to move away in response.

“I’m serious, what are you—”

“Let’s have some fun.”

“Uh, mphf,” Josh grunted as Greg deftly grabbed his face and tried to kiss him.  Josh attempted to duck, and only part of Greg’s lips made wet contact with his, tongue searching to deepen.

Josh pushed him back.

“What the hell was that?” He yelled.

“Calm down, Josh.  What’s your problem?  There’s nothing wrong with a little bit of hooking up between friends,” Greg looked annoyed.

“I don’t wanna,” Josh glared back.

“Oh really?  What about everyone else you’ve slept with?  Stop being such a tease and let’s go back to my place.” Drunken, happy Greg was quickly replaced by a sober asshole—had he been faking inebriation this whole time?

Josh’s blood ran cold.  “How about you fuck off?”  Greg moved towards him, and Josh dodged his hands.  “Seriously, get the hell away from me. I’ve got a boyfriend and even so, I wouldn’t fuck you.”

“Yeah, okay you’ve got a boyfriend now? How come you haven’t mentioned him before? And if you’re so loyal, why have you been flirting with me all of band camp?”

“I thought we were friends.  I wasn’t flirting!”

“You’re such a whore, Josh.  Who the fuck would chose to date you?” Greg spit venomously at him.  Josh turned and ran; feeling like all the air had left the world.  He made it to the empty streets and began the walk back to his house, all the while gasping for breath.  He slid his phone from his pocket—2am—Tyler probably wouldn’t be sleeping.  But would he be mad at him?  Another guy kissed him and Josh was absolutely shit at relationships.  Tyler should just break up with him.

“Hello?” Tyler sounded wide awake, and Josh shuddered loudly, “Josh, are you okay? What’s going on?”

“Can’t—breathe. Really drunk and, and—” Josh sat down on a random lawn, and put his head between his knees.  Tyler began to sooth him, directing him to slowing down his gasps and draw in air.  Josh couldn’t remember the last time he cried, but it felt like everything was spilling out of him.

“Josh, tell me what’s wrong,” Tyler asked.

“I’m so sorry.  I’m so sorry I’m sorry. I’m the worst.  You should hate me.  I’m so dirty.  Dirty.”

“Shh, Josh take a deep breath and tell me what’s happening.” 

Josh leapt up from lawn and started walking again, as he told Tyler about what had happened.

“I’m such a fuckup, I’m sorry.  You should break up with me because I’m a mess.”

“No way.  I’m screwed up too, so we’re made for each other.  And screw Greg.  Where are you?”

“I’m almost home.  I’m sorry for putting this on you.”

“Nah, man.  This is a boyfriend perk.”

“It’s just that I’ve been happy a lot lately,” Josh admitted, “But then there’s all these times when I just get…sad.  And it feels like everyone would be better off without me.”  He was on his porch now, keys hanging from his hand.

“You’re feeling that right now?”

“Mhmm.”

“You at your house yet? Go get yourself some water and go up to bed.  I’ll stay on the phone with you,” and Tyler directed him, talking and distracting until Josh’s responses turned to drowsy mumbles and then even breaths of sleep.  Tyler hung up at that point, feeling worn out and sad.

* * *

 

Josh had woken up a little less hungover than he would have been if Tyler hadn’t forced him to drink all that water, though he had an overwhelming feeling of shame at his meltdown over the phone.  He didn’t want to be a burden, but here it was already dragging down this brand new relationship.  Josh was shit at being a good boyfriend, why did he agree to this? 

He looked at his phone—10:57 am.  Several messages from friends asking him ‘what happened last night?’, ‘let’s grab something to eat, sorry I was such an asshole last night’, ‘fuck greg that fuckin fuckboy’.  Tyler only sent him a heart emoji around 9am, so Josh figured everything was okay at the moment.  But Tyler didn’t respond to his ‘ _hey i’m sorry about last night,_ ’ and Josh started worrying again, so after he grabbed a quick snack from the kitchen, he tried to fall back asleep.

An undetermined amount of time passed, because Josh was floating in the half-place between sleep and faking it.  He heard the doorbell ring, and Blair called “Got it!” from downstairs.

Josh didn’t even bother responding.  His limbs were heavy, and he was so close to actually dreaming.  Band camp took a lot out of him, and it was nice to just have a day being a slug in bed alone.  It was even better to avoid the gossiping that was bound to have spread—he had shut off his phone because it wouldn’t stop buzzing from curious, prying people.  Distant voices drifted up from the kitchen, but Josh ignored the noises until his door opened and a body slid into bed next to him.

“What the—Tyler?” Josh said as Tyler wrapped his arms around him.

“Hey you,” Tyler buried his face into the crook of Josh’s neck.

“Why are you here?” Josh wondered briefly if he was dreaming.

“Did I forget to tell you that I was moving in early to set everything up for the frat? Whoops,” Tyler said, pulling back to look at him with a shit-eating grin.  Josh pulled his face down to his and they began to slowly kiss.

“I’m sorry—”

“Don’t you dare apologize for last night,” Tyler said warningly, “I would answer the phone for you any time of the day.  I’ve made too many mistakes shutting you out before. I’m here f-f-for everything,” He gave a big yawn in the middle of that declaration, “Sorry, I haven’t slept since…I don’t remember.  I’ve just been driving all day.”

“That’s dangerous,” Josh ran fingers along his side.

“I drank like 5 Redbulls, but I think I’m crashing now.  Which sucks cuz I was hoping to—” his body shook from the next yawn, “sweep you off your feet.  But I think I was metaphorically successful at that.”

Josh kissed his nose, “Go sleep.”

“Mm-okay. Wake me up in an hour or two.  It’s just a little nap, we can go eat or do…other things,” Tyler’s were already shut and Josh couldn’t hold back the smile, even though Tyler totally drooled on him for a couple hours.  But he made it up with a trip to get ice cream, though it drove Josh fucking wild to see him licking in what was definitely an overly-enthusiastic way

“You okay, Jishwa?” Tyler licked his lips.

Josh grunted in response and tangled their fingers together.

“Can I ask you something?” Josh asked a little later, on their to Tyler’s frat house, “Have you…you know, _been_ with a guy besides me?”

“Yep,” Tyler popped the ‘p’, and took a huge crunching bite out of the cone.  “What? You didn’t think lil’ ol’ me wouldn’t try a few dicks out here and there?”

“Um, well. I thought you weren’t okay with random hook-ups,” Josh felt thunderstruck.  It wouldn’t be fair of him to judge Tyler, since Josh had his own sordid history, but Tyler hadn’t implied anything about other men.  He racked his brains thinking of their late night conversations from this summer, and nothing jumped out at him to indicate Tyler had _experience_.

“I’m not, really.  But I was friends-with-benefits with this hot Australian during my time abroad.”

“How hot?”

Tyler whipped out his phone and pulled up a Facebook profile, “Surfer hot.”

“Nice,” Josh was impressed, “But you gotta see this guy I was hooking up with abroad.”  It was definitely not normal to be swapping pictures of past partners, but with so many shared years between them, they were far from a normal relationship.

Tyler gave him the tour of the almost-empty house.  Josh had been here before as a freshman, and it looked much different without countless drunken bodies crowding every available space.  The faint scent of alcohol hung in the air, as if the imbibing of decades had permeated the wood and hung as a general ambiance.  About seven of Tyler’s frat brothers were lounging in the TV room watching a horror movie, and they waved enthusiastically as Tyler introduced Josh as his boyfriend.

“They’re cool with this?” Josh was discarding stereotypes he held about frat bros, though he’d been called a fag and had fists swung at him a few too many times by drunken assholes in Greek letters to fully forgive and forget.

“I hope so, since two of them are dating,” Tyler grabbed his hand and dragged him to the stairs, “We pride ourselves on being chill and accepting of everyone.  The other frats and sororities sometimes look down on us that we take reject rushees but we’re happy, so who cares? And this is my room.”  Tyler indicated the door decorated with half-deflated condom balloons.  There was a sign with his name on it, and below that a markerboard with a doodle of a mouse juggling a basketball and a ukulele.  “I didn’t draw that.  Carl…he was downstairs…he does random art.”

“It’s a great door, but I’d rather see your bed.”

Josh practically shoved Tyler through the door as soon as it was unlocked.  Tyler retaliated by shoving Josh up against the closing door, causing it to slam shut with the force of his weight.  They fought for control, Josh sucking a bruise into Tyler’s neck while he ground down on Josh.

“Missed you so much,” Tyler moaned, his hand gripping Josh’s butt for leverage.  Josh slid a hand to palm him through his pants, and Tyler thrust wildly a few times.  “No, wait, wait.  I had a plan.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, the whole ‘sweeping off the feet’ stuff.”

“And that would entail…?”

Josh’s question was quickly answered by Tyler dropping with a soft thump to his knees.

“Oh shit,” Josh said without thinking, as Tyler’s hands left massaging his ass to sliding slowly along his hips, toying with his waistband.  This was honestly everything Josh fantasized about, and it was taking all his combined self-control and brain power to not completely fall apart while still fully clothed. 

“Can I blow you?” Tyler asked, and took off his shirt as soon as Josh started fervently nodding.  He pushed up the hem of Josh’s tank and kissed his stomach, muscles jumping as his hand dipped below the waistband to give a few dry pumps.  Josh pulled it off the rest of the way, and Tyler bit into a spot a little to the right of his navel.  He withdrew his hand and then tugged down Josh’s pants down.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Josh was twisting his shirt in between his hands.  Tyler gripped him lightly and pressed several kisses close, but _not close enough_.  “Tyler I swear to God, if you don’t hurry up—” With a groan his head fell back with a thunk against the door while Tyler took him into his mouth.  Tyler clearly knew what he was doing, and Josh’s knees were shaking as Tyler’s head bobbed.  Josh truly wanted to memorize the moment, but he was finding it impossible to keep his eyes open as his orgasm fast approached. 

“Fuck, I love you so much.  Tyler, you’re amazing.  Thought about you like this forever.  Oh fuck.”  Tyler’s eyes were smiling, he was humming, and Josh was ready to propose marriage as Tyler took him down as far as he could, nose almost to his pubic bone.  He drew back and sucked on the tip, and that was it for Josh.  He was pretty sure he died and went to heaven, his vision blurring and he cried out Tyler’s name.

Tyler had pulled his own dick out at some point, and was pumping himself.  He groaned when Josh pulled out of his mouth, and hunched over to rest his forehead on Josh’s thigh.  Josh’s hands slid through his hair, blunt nails rubbing against his scalp.

“Bed,” Josh’s brain felt separate from his body, but he pleased to see Tyler allowed himself to be pulled and guided to lie flat, legs spread as Josh settled between them.  He didn’t tease, since Tyler was already close, pupils blown and moans falling easily from his lips.  Josh tried to ignore the memory of the previous time he sucked Tyler off on a cold winter day years before.  It was summer, the last rays of sunlight from the day falling across the floor.  Tyler’s hips stuttered, sliding further into Josh’s throat but he took the unexpected thrust with grace. 

He drew back briefly, coating a finger in spit, and then went back to the rhythm he established. 

Tyler’s voice was hoarse, but it jumped a full octave as a wet finger traced his entrance.

“Fuck!”

“Have you ever?”  Josh cocked his head to the side, his lips reddened and shining, Tyler was struck by the desire to come on his face.

“No-oo.  Just didn’t get…around to it.”

“Can I?”

“Fuckin’ go for it.  I’m close anyway.”

Josh made a deal with himself to never ever credit Jack with the next move, because he knew that smug bastard would never let him live it down.  Tyler practically levitated as Josh slipped a finger in him while deepthroating as much as he could.  Tyler was completely overwhelmed by the sensations, and he tipped over the edge. 

All tension seeped out of Tyler’s body as he finished and he was boneless, Josh kissing his way up Tyler’s torso.

“So, you love me?” Tyler said as his heart rate slowed enough that it wasn’t pounding in his ears.

Josh flushed, “I didn’t realize—it just kinda slipped out in the moment.”

“I love you too.  And I know it’s really early to say that, but I think we’ve both felt that way for a long time,” Tyler gave Josh’s shoulder a little pat, “So, I think it’s too early to go to sleep, but I also don’t feel like walking past my friends after coming that loudly…but I’m really hungry.”

“Tyler, I swear to God, if you’re about to ask me to climb out that window, I’m going to kick your ass.”  Tyler gave a big sigh and flopped into the pillows.

“It’s really not that hard!”

“I’d rather take the walk of shame than a broken neck. C’mon, let’s get enchiladas and make out on the football field.”  Josh pressed a few kisses to Tyler’s cheeks.

“Man, you know how to show a boy a good time. But first can I wash up? I’m kinda sticky…everywhere.”

“Only if I can join.”

“Only if I can dry you off, you frickin’ weirdo.”


	9. Cards In Our Spokes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If this relationship was going to last, people would eventually have to know. Also the weirdest band in the land gets a name.

Josh avoided the hell out of Greg at practice the next day, which wasn’t hard because they were finally doing full dress rehearsals, though thankfully not in uniform because it was sweltering out.  Multiple girls came up to him commiserating about how shitty Greg was, but he shrugged it off and went back to work.  He still hated being section leader, but Josh could see now there were no other options because everyone would just screw around.  At least with him they sounded halfway decent.

Lunch break was awkward as hell, and he was well aware of eyes focused on him.  He knew Greg was probably going to say something to him, but Josh didn’t want to deal with it at all.  Thankfully he made it through the hour without being bothered, and was greeted by a pleasant surprise on the practice field afterward.

The practice field was near the gym, so other students would often sit out and play Frisbee while watching the marching band rehearse.  He rarely paid much attention to them, but his eyes were drawn by a distant figure enthusiastically waving.  Josh could recognize Tyler a mile off, and he was sitting shirtless on a towel with several other friends.  _Shit, he looks so good_ , Josh couldn’t help but think to himself with a grin.

Tyler’s presence was really distracting, and Josh just wanted practice to be over so he could go join him.

“Sorry guys…Let’s just do that over again.  My bad,” Josh kept apologizing and everyone groaned.

“Hey man,” Greg finally cornered him at the water coolers as practice was called to an end, “I’m sorry about last night.  I was a total asshole and you have every right to be mad at me.”

“Okay…” Josh didn’t know what else to say.  People were hanging around clearly listening in, and it was making Josh super uncomfortable.  Is that what Greg had intended?

“So let’s just forget and move on, alright?”

“Um…”

“Great! I think we were all thinking about heading out to a bar later, so you’ll be coming, right?”

“I, um—”

“Hey, what’s up?” An arm threaded around Josh’s waist and he relaxed into it, regardless of how hot and sweaty he was.  Tyler rested his chin on Josh’s shoulder and gave a smile at Greg that didn’t really reach his narrowed eyes.  “I’m Tyler, and you are…?”

“Greg,” his face was easy to interpret—immensely thrown off by Tyler’s appearance, which is exactly what he had intended.  Tyler had been watching from afar, and could tell from Josh’s posture that he wanted to be rescued.  Tyler didn’t even need Greg to introduce himself to know who he was from the waves of anxiety Josh was giving off.  He didn’t want to cause a scene though, deciding to play it cool.

“Oh, cool.  Practice done?  Wanna get food?” Tyler decided ignoring Greg would be a great way to go.

“Hey Greg what bar are we going to?”  Some short girl Tyler vaguely knew was named Allison had approached them with an exuberant air.

“Uh…McGreen’s,” Greg said shiftly.

“Josh, are you coming too? Oh my God! Tyler I haven’t seen you in forever!  Where have you been?”  Allison bounced on her toes.  Seemed like she was the type of person who was overly-friendly to everyone.

“Australia.”

“Cool, cool,” She nodded looking between the two of them and made the obvious connection, “You should both come tonight!  We can catch up and you can tell me all about your life and going abroad!” She winked obviously.

“I mean, you don’t have to come,” Greg cut in, “You all probably just want to hang out…just the two of you.”

Tyler decided by bypass ignoring and go straight to spiteful.  “Nah, I want to meet _all_ your friends, Josh.”

Later over dinner, Tyler just wanted to clarify: “Hey Josh, we don’t have to go out tonight if you don’t want to.  I just said that to freak out that asshole.”

“Let’s go.  I don’t want him to drive me away from my friends.  Also, I want to show my boyfriend off.”

“Living well is the best revenge?”

“Yep.”

* * *

 

Their group had taken up a large table in the front of the bar mainly populated by students.  Other people they recognized had been walking by and saying hello all evening, and that was the cool thing about being a senior.  At some point you realize that you know lots of different people, and it all starts to feel like home.

“You two are _the cutest_ ,” cooed a redheaded band girl, and Tyler squeezed Josh’s shoulder. 

“He’s the hot one.  Just look at him!  I’m lucky he settled for me,” Tyler said loudly, enjoying seeing the Josh blush.  Greg wasn’t even with the group anymore—he was off across the bar chatting up some people that Tyler knew were sophomores with fake IDs. 

“I always thought you two had chemistry,” Allison chimed in, “When did you finally get together?”

“Just this summer.  We’re actually kinda keeping it quiet for right now…haven’t really told the people back home.”

“Oh, okay. Shhhh!” whisper-yelled the redhead, who had a bit too much to drink.

“It’s on my bucket list to hook up at this bar,” Josh whispered to Tyler a few hours later, the alcohol and summer air causing a slight flush across his cheeks.  The bar was singing along to some country song, everyone swaying in unison.

“Seriously?”  Tyler had the vague idea he needed to make a list.

“Well actually I just added it.  But it’s definitely on there, yeah.”  He gave a sly grin Tyler only ever saw when Josh was tipsy.  His eyes a little out of focus, teeth catching his bottom lip.

“What level of hooking up are we talking?”

“How ‘bout you join me in the bathroom and we’ll see where this goes?”

“Dude, that bathroom is so disgusting it will be practically impossible for me to get hard,” Tyler wrinkled his nose in disgust.

“I accept that challenge,” Josh began walking backwards trying to seductively guide Tyler, who found it much more adorable than intended, especially when Josh full-on tripped over a group of dancing girls.

“Clothes are staying on.  I don’t want tetanus.”

* * *

 

“It’s only the third day of classes and I’m already so overworked, it’s not even funny,” Josh groaned, throwing his backpack down on the ground next to where Tyler was laying on the quad.

“Bro, its syllabus week.  We’re supposed to be drinking every night and not giving a crap yet,” Tyler said sagely, shirtless again and spread-eagled on the grass.

“I mean, we can still do that.  I’m just going to freaking out while.”

“Sup fuckers!” Jack passed by with a small herd of people including the infamous Alex.  Tyler grumbled something about them stealing his sunlight.  “Beer pong tournament at our place tonight.  I’ll kick all your asses. See ya later…hope your herpes clears up.”

“How has he not flunked out yet?” Tyler asked.

“Beats me.  I’ve lived with him for four years and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him crack a book,” Josh picked at the grass, tossing it onto Tyler’s stomach.

“We should make an actual senior bucket list,” Tyler declared, still not moving.

“For real?”

“Write this down!”  And Tyler started listing various shenanigans such as running through the fountains and climbing the bell tower, as well as the places they needed to hook up in (this also included the fountains and bell tower).

“There’s also one thing I’ve always wanted to do, but just never…I don’t know.  I think we’re probably going to have more time this year since we’re taking less classes, so it’s probably the best time to try…” Tyler said vaguely.

“What?”

“Um.  Maybe we should do Battle of the Bands?  We’ve already got some completed songs and if we keep working in our spare time, we’ll probably have enough for the minimum by the deadline.”

“Heck yes!” Josh said emphatically, adding ‘WIN BATTLE OF THE BANDS’ to the top of the list he was writing on his phone.  The competition was in the spring semester, and various student groups performed for the chance to be an opener for the end-of-year concert.  Usually someone from the music guild won, and both boys had secretly housed the desire to compete for most of college.

“Tyler!” Josh had a major realization, “We’ve got to pick a band name.”

“Oh yeah, about that…I’ve kinda had a name picked out since freshman year.  I just never told you, but I’ve been calling our band that it in my head.”

“Really?  What is it?”

“So, um do you remember that theatre class I took?  We read an Arthur Miller play called _All My Sons_ and the gist of the plot line is this guy who makes air plane parts found out that his parts were faulty, so he comes to a moral crossroads. He has to make a decision to send the parts out or recall the parts.   He ended up sending out the parts and twenty one pilots died because he did.”

Josh didn’t saying anything. Tyler liked his long explanations and he’d eventually make it to the point.

“So in life there’s constantly decisions coming our way and crossroads and our paths and where we’re going to go and what we’re going to do. Having the band name mean something that reminds us that sometimes the right decision may not be the decision that benefits you right now, it may be the harder decision, it might be the decision that takes more work. The right decision is ultimately worth it, no matter when the reward is.”

“That’s really cool, so what’s the name?  All My Sons?  I think there's already a band called that.”

“Twenty One Pilots.”

“Wait that is actually sick!”

“I know, right?!”

“Dude, you’re so awesome at naming things.  Let’s go make some sweet, sweet music.”

“I’ve got class in forty minutes,” Tyler groaned.

“A quickie then?”

“Ugh, sometimes I think you’re only with me for my massive…musical talent.” Tyler fake-complained as Josh threaded their fingers together on their way to the practice rooms.

“No, I’m also only with you for your penis.”

“Oh baby, you know how to make a boy feel respected.”

* * *

“Yeah mom, everything is great here.  My classes are interesting and the frat’s running really smoothly,” Tyler sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.  There had been a lumberjack themed party the night before so his room was littered with flannel but thankfully his hangover was mild.

“That’s great, honey,” his mother started talking about some outing the family had went on, and Tyler rubbed at the dull ache behind his temples.

“That sounds awesome, mom.”

“And how are your friends? How is Sam?  What’s Josh up to?”

“Sam is forming the intramural basketball team for our frat again. And Josh is...” _currently naked and asleep in my bed_ , “fine.  We’ve been practicing for the Battle of the Bands a lot.”

“Have any new songs for me?”

“Just finished one yesterday.”

“I remember back when you two were eight or nine…playing the piano and trumpet in our living room.  Now here you are still making music together.”

“Mom, we haven’t even performed for anyone yet.”

“But still, you are so lucky to have this friendship.  I hope you know most people don’t have that.”

Tyler squirmed though she couldn’t see him.  “You’re right, you’re right.”  Josh was beginning to stir awake. “Gotta go…work on a paper for tomorrow.”

“How much do you have left?”

“Oh…just one more paragraph,” Tyler lied, “Just need to get it done, you know?”

Josh was blinking up at him by the time Tyler finished saying his goodbyes. “We’ve gotta tell them soon,” he said.

Tyler flopped down and groaned, “You’re right.  I just don’t know what to say.  I haven’t made any hints or even told them I like guys.  I have no idea how they’re going to react.”

Josh shrugged, “Just do it.  When I told my parents I was bi, it was awkward as hell, and my mom cried a little.  But I’m glad I did, and I think they’re okay with it now.  Tyler, we’ve got to do it eventually, so might as well give them time to get used to it.”

“Columbus Day Weekend?”  Tyler hadn’t planned on going home for that short break the next weekend, but it probably was the best time.  Make his announcement, and then go back to school for a month and let his family accept the new reality with miles between them.

“Deal.”

* * *

 

The both told their families on a Sunday.  Josh announced it while they were driving to church, which may have not been the best time but his mother had asked if there was ‘anyone’—and Josh appreciated the gender-neutral pronoun—he was dating.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you that yeah.  I am in a relationship—”

“Honey, that’s great!”

“With Tyler.”

Everyone in the car burst out with a simultaneous “What?” and his dad nearly swerved off the road.  He was bombarded with questions about how long they had been dating, why all of a sudden, was he even sure?  What if this ruined their friendship?  Josh was uncomfortable because they were right.  If him and Tyler ever broke up, that was it forever.  But if there was one thing he was sure of, it was that he loved Tyler Joseph and Tyler loved him back.

* * *

 

Tyler was met with silence when he told his family over dinner.  They’d been ribbing him all weekend about being single and Tyler just burst out with “I’ve got a boyfriend so stop it now.”

“Are you serious?” Zack broke the tension, and Tyler nodded.  This was so awful, everyone was looking at him and he realized that he had just come out in the heat of the moment.  Tyler totally had a speech prepared but now words were escaping him.

“What do you mean 'a boyfriend'?” his dad asked.

“There’s a person—a male person—who I am currently dating.  And it’s actually going really well.”

“You’re gay? What about all your girlfriends?”

“I don’t think I’m entirely gay.”

“I’m glad you’re happy but if you’re not sure, how do you know this isn’t just a really close friendship?”

“I’m in love this person…who happens to be um, a guy.  And they love me back and I’m really happy.  Please just be happy for me,” Tyler pleaded.

“We don’t know, Tyler.  This is just a big shock and we’ve got to think about it.”

“You know our beliefs.  We love you, but this is hard for us.”

“Hard for you?  It’s hard for me!”  His siblings were watching the conversation like a tennis match, heads bouncing back and forth.

“Tyler, there’s no need to raise your voice.”

“Well, I’m sorry,” Tyler said, it coming out way more sarcastic than he had intended.

“You’re getting all riled up.  Let’s take some time to cool off and talk about this later, alright?”

Tyler stood up, shaking as he pushed in his chair and escaped to the basement.  He paced back and forth, feeling shudders rock his body.  He’d left his phone upstairs but he didn’t want to go back up and face the rest of his family again.  Tyler sat in a corner for a while, staring at his piano, but not wanting to make a noise, until the pressure mounted too much and he needed to release the darkness swirling in his heart.  And like it always it, it worked.

* * *

 

“Maybe we shouldn’t have let him sleep in the same bed as Josh for all those years?”  Tyler could hear his parents from behind their bedroom door.  Now he was calmer he wanted to talk to them, but overhearing that drove him away and into his room, where Zack was sitting on his own bed, looking like he’d been waiting for Tyler.

“You’re seriously dating a guy?”

Tyler nodded and started sifting through his backpack for his favorite hoodie.  He needed to get the hell out of the house.

“So you and Josh finally realized you’re meant to be.”

“Yeah—wait how did you know?”

“Dude, no way!  I was just kidding.”

“Well, shit.”

“I can’t believe it!  Actually, I can, and it’s sort of adorable.  But dude, please don’t tell me you’ve hooked up with him when I was sleeping in the room.”

“Gross, no.”

“So, like how long have you two been a thing?”

“The summer.”

“And you’re happy?” Zack fixed him with a critical look.

“Yes, definitely.”

“Then I’m happy for you.”

* * *

 

Tyler unexpectedly woke early the next day—he’d gone out with some of his high school friends to a bar where they announced that Josh and he were in fact dating.  Everyone bought a few rounds in celebration, saying they were glad it finally happened.  Tyler didn’t expect anyone to be in the kitchen at such an early hour, even he thought about going back up to his room to catch a few more hours before it was time to pick Josh up for the drive back to school.

Both of his parents were sitting as if they were waiting for him, and Tyler joined them at the table.

“We’ve been talking a lot about what happened yesterday and we just want to say, well…part of being a parent is guiding your child to making the right decision and being a good person.  But now you are an adult and we have to let you live your life and make your own mistakes, though we want to protect you.  We just want you to know that we love you. We have to accept your choices, even though we may not fully agree with them.”

“It’s not a choice! I’m in love and that’s who I am,” Tyler interjected.

“As long as you are a good person who treats others right, that’s enough for us.”

“So tell us more about this boyfriend!” His mom tried to look encouraging, and Tyler appreciated that.  “Does he go to your school?  What’s he like?  He better be nice.”

“Um, yeah, he’s—” Tyler debated answering their questions vaguely, but he knew this would be his relationship to last. He’d be with Josh forever, and one day he would have to admit it to his parents. “He’s the nicest person I’ve ever known.  I’m, uh. I’m dating Josh.”

Tyler didn’t miss the look his parents gave each other.

“Are you sure, Tyler?  You’ve both been so close for so long—it could just be a very strong platonic bond?”

Tyler snorted in derisive laughter.  Friends don’t make love like they do.   Sure, there are friends with benefits, but those relationships don’t have what they have.  “Trust me, it’s more than that.”

“Okay…well I guess that answers my question of when we get to meet the lucky guy!” His father smiled, and Tyler relaxed slightly.  “Do I have to give him the talk? ‘You make my son cry, I make you cry’?”

“Honestly though, this is Josh we’re talking about.  Remember how he would cry when people would crush bugs?” Tyler’s mother said.

“There was that one birthday party when a big spider was in the basement when we were like, 7, and Josh insisted on rescuing it and setting it free?  But he was too afraid of spiders to do it himself,” Tyler could feel the mood shift in the room, and everything was okay now.

“I’ll always remember him looking all wide-eyed and earnest, ‘It’s not the spider’s fault the house is in the way!’ That boy couldn’t even hurt a fly.  If you’re to date a man, I’m glad at least it’s your best friend.”  And while his parents may not be over the moon about this, Tyler appreciated that they were at least trying.

* * *

 

“So how’d it go when you told your parents?” Josh asked later munching on Taco Bell drive-thru about halfway back to school.  Tyler was driving and drinking a coffee since he hadn’t gotten any more sleep.  The leaves were changing to pretty colors of yellows and oranges and reds that matched the color of Josh’s hair today.

“As bad as expected, but weird thing is they were slightly okay with it once I said it was you.”

“What can I say? I am a pretty great catch.”  Josh stretched and spread his arms.

“Get your feet off my dashboard.  This car has got to last.”

“Make me.”

Tyler swerved the car, and Josh made a noise at a frequency neither thought was possible for him.  Thankfully the road was empty, but Josh withdrew his legs.

“Holy crap you’re trying to murder me.”

Tyler patted his thigh. “I’m just trying to keep it exciting, man.”

“See if I blow you later.”

“The look on your face was hilarious,” Tyler cackled

“Oh screw you.”

“We’re already doing that,” Tyler smirked at Josh, who was busy sulking, “Don’t be mad, Josh.  I’ll make it up to you tonight.”

“You fricking better.”

* * *

 

“Holy shit, Tyler I didn’t know your tongue could do that. Oh fu—”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the explanation of the band name, I copied and pasted a quote from Tyler himself via the tumblr tylersoldtweets. He explains it better than I ever could.
> 
> I keep changing the expected story length because I keep adding more to the story.


	10. I want to be listened to

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just waiting for the right moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for not posting for a whole week... I come bearing smut. (Why I'm working on 4 WIPs while having a huge term paper and two presentations due in the next week is beyond me.)

“Josh! I’ve got a great idea!”  Tyler was lying on top of the school piano, not doing anything in particular as Josh practiced a fill.

He slammed on the crash cymbal, “Yeah?” Josh asked once the reverberating sounded quieted.

“So we’ve got a few songs like ready to go…and Battle of the Bands is months away.  We’ve gotta generate interest!  We have to have…a following.”

“Should we release a mixtape?”

“Hmm…that’s another good idea,” Tyler rolled onto his stomach and looked thoughtful, “But I was actually thinking that we should perform at a show.  Like, the Halloween party.”

Josh thought about it, twirling the drumstick in his right hand.  He did want to perform, and thinking about drumming in front of other people caused an anxious-excited thrill.  But a frat party seemed like a recipe for disaster.

“Dude let’s do it!” Josh said enthusiastically.

“Cool, now get over here and make out with me.”  Tyler struck a dramatic, seductive pose.

“Can we not on the piano this time?  My ass still hurts from when I fell off.”

“You need me to kiss it better?”

“Well if you’re offering…”

* * *

Josh has had sex with lots of people before.  One night stands, casual fucks between friends, awkward high school fumbling—Josh had experienced the gamut of different encounters and liked most of it.  But he’d never had all these emotions tied to a partner before, and it made everything better because Tyler cared about making Josh feel good and loved.  There were practically no boundaries between the two now, but they still haven’t actually had sex yet.  They’d gotten close many times, and the  _need_ to reach that level had increased so acutely, Josh was close to simply spreading his legs and saying “holy shit just fuck me already.”

And he knew Tyler would—it was actually Josh that was holding back this time.  He knew it was cheesy but he was waiting for a special night, the right moment. Josh didn’t want it to just be fucking; he wanted everything.

The show at the party went about as well as expected, which is to say terribly.  Not to say that they played poorly or that their setup was bad.  They had ‘the full hook up’ from the AV department with a decent sound system, and the songs—all two of them—that they performed were actually awesome.  As all frat parties were, it was a shitshow.  Josh had to shove Jack from peeing on the drums, which he had stolen from the practice rooms.  The cops broke up the party during their set, so the place cleared out very quickly and they had to clean up well before midnight.

Tyler was pacing around the entire house, completely wound up from having so many eyes upon him.  The emotions, the power of screaming his words to a crowd that was moving and reacting to what he was saying—it was all a bit much.  And to be cut off right in the middle was the ultimate anticlimax.  Tyler was anxious for release.  He wanted to scale the roof, break a window, dance like a maniac.  He felt so alive and his heart was racing.

Josh was discussing spring break ideas with some friends, when Tyler pounced on him.  Hands gripped his hips and he hooked his chin over Josh’s shoulder.

“Dude, we need to have an important band meeting like right now.  In my room,” Tyler whisper-yelled directly in Josh’s ear, who winced.  He ignored the leering comments from his friends and allowed himself to be manhandled towards the stairs.  Tyler couldn’t even make it to his room before he was pressing Josh into the wall of a landing still a full floor below where they needed to be.  His eyes dark, he rolled his hips and groaned at the friction.  Josh couldn’t help but smile as Tyler buried his face in Josh’s neck, breathing heavily.

“God, Josh.  I need you so bad right now.”  Tyler pulled Josh’s shirt off, his hands making bare skin shiver.

“I’m not really the exhibitionist type.”  He was ignored in favor of aggressive lips pressing upon his.  “Seriously, bed.  Bed, now.”  Josh said as soon as they broke away, dizzy with how quickly he was getting hard.

Tyler gave him a fiery look, and started again to pull the drummer to their destination.  It was a race to whip their clothes off once the door was shut and locked.  Stripped down to their briefs, Josh settled himself on the bed while Tyler straddled his hips.  For all the flurry of activity before, their kisses were languid and hands explored skin they’d gotten to know very well already.  Josh was suddenly overwhelmed by how much he felt for Tyler—the way his fingers danced over Josh’s rib cage, the way he looked when he was daydreaming, or his overly-endearing cackle.  It was all the little things that Josh had gotten used to over the years.  He wanted to know Tyler completely, to open up and it just be the two of them.

“Hey you,” Tyler’s thumbs came up to trace Josh’s jawline, “You okay?”

Josh hummed his content and Tyler looked so happy, Josh felt like such a loser for wanting to cry a little.  Tyler’s tongue was licking open his lips by the time he slid hands under Josh’s waistband.  Josh was already handing him the lube by the time Tyler surfaced from the kiss, practice already knowing what step was next as Tyler slid off his underwear.  Within a few strokes, Josh was already making soft gasps and his back arched.

“Someone’s very eager,” Tyler palmed himself, teasing to the rhythm he was setting.  “We’ve got all night though…what do you want to do?”

“I…dunno. Maybe, um.” It was very hard for Josh to think with Tyler’s face hovering so close to his dick.

“Maybe what?”

“I want to…you know,” Josh wasn’t really finding the right way to tell Tyler.

“No I don’t know,” he had an infuriating smirk on his face. “You wanna just cuddle or something?  I can go ahead and stop if you—.”

“Holy shit dude, I want to have sex with you right now,” Josh blushed and Tyler look taken aback.

“Wait, really?  You mean…?”  Tyler’s hands fluttered into a profane gesture as words escaped him.

“If you keep doing that I may change my mind about having you put your dick inside me.”

“Oh fuck,” Tyler let out a whimper, “I didn’t think that would sound that hot but holy shit.”

Tyler had to pull away to remove his own briefs, and Josh took a couple deep breaths to calm his nerves.  Why was he nervous? This was far from his first time, but it was Tyler and it was different, okay?  He spread his thighs and Tyler kneeled between, coating his fingers in lube.  They’d had a lot of practice fingering each other, and it wasn’t long before Josh was grinding down on three fingers, precome leaking and begging to “just put it in me already” and Tyler practically collapsed with hysterical giggles. 

Withdrawing his fingers and still laughing, Tyler leaned over Josh’s prone form to search in his bedside table for a condom.  Josh thrust up at him, searching for friction since Tyler was making him wait _toodamnlong_.  The mirth died away, and Josh craned his neck to see what was all the rustling about.

 “Aw, crap,” Tyler whispered, which was just about the last thing Josh wanted to hear before sex.

“You okay man?”

“Uh, my stash of condoms is gone.”

“Seriously?” Tyler stood up and started searching through his dresser drawers.  Josh rolled over to bury his head in the pillows.  “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“Holy shit I swear I have them somewhere,” Tyler sounded frantic “I had a whole box, I promise…someone must have taken it. Oh God, why is this happening now? This is the worst.”

 Tyler tore apart his room for a few minutes, and Josh tried to breathe.  It was one of those things that would be hilarious later, but right now there were other things more important things to be attended to.  Like how hard he was.

Tyler looked grim and started reaching for his pile of discarded clothes, “Josh you stay there and look pretty. I'm going to ask—"

"I swear to god, Tyler if you say you're going to find Jack, I'm going to strangle you."

Tyler said nothing, valuing his life.

“Check my wallet, I usually keep one in there,” Josh remembered, and there was a cry of delight as Tyler produced the foil.

They resumed their prior position, and Tyler rolled the condom on with shaking hands.  He was about to have sex with his best friend in the whole world, and there was a lot of pressure on him to make it good, make it memorable—though with his tendency to screw things up, Tyler was nervous.  Josh’s hair looked like fire spread out on the pillow, and his eyes were closed as they always were when he was uneasy in bed.  Tyler leaned over and cupped a hand underneath his neck, bringing him up for a quick kiss.

“Would it be easier if I roll over?” Josh asked.

Tyler thought about it for a moment, “Probably, but I want to see your face.”

“Okay…cool.”  Josh drew his knees up a little higher and Tyler pressed close.

“Should I stretch you some more?  Do you feel ready?”

“I think so.  Just go for it.”

And Tyler may have been a little right.  It had been awhile since anyone had fucked Josh, so the initial slow thrust burned a bit.

“Josh, breathe,” Tyler said, his voice strained as he tried to control the urge to just start moving wildly.  Josh let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding, and spots burst in front of his eyes.  “C’mon man, just relax.  Is this okay?”

Josh nodded, getting use again to the feeling of being full, “You can move.”

Tyler’s first few thrusts were tentative and he wasn’t quite sure where to place his hands, deciding to put them on either side of Josh’s shoulders.

“God, Josh this is amazing.”

“Great.”

Tyler adjusted his hips and upon the next thrust Josh’s eyes fluttered and he moaned loudly.

“Good, huh?”

“Right there, holy shit no one else has found my prostate that quickly.  Oh God, more.”  Tyler increased the pace, and it wasn’t long before the two of them were lost to the sensations.  Tyler, the most verbal of the two, kept up a stream of commentary on how beautiful Josh looked, how tight and awesome this was.  Josh couldn’t respond more the one syllable curses and demands for 'harder'.  The heat built, his breaths ragged and Tyler started jerking him off.

“Come for me, love you, wanna see you.”

Josh nearly blacked out and the clench of his body caused Tyler to tip over the edge too.  They lay in a tangle, hearts still racing.  Josh thought back to the first time they met, how happy the other boy had made him feel then and now they were here, and it was all just too overwhelming to have Tyler in his arms drawing shaking breaths against his skin, still inside him.  He didn’t know what more to say, he just wanted this to be forever.

Tyler slid out and removed the condom, tossing it skillfully into the trash after tying it off.  His breaths were uneven and he ducked his face away from Josh and back into his neck.

“Dude, are you crying?”

“N-no,” Tyler mumbled, wiping at his eyes.  “I just really love you, okay?  And this was everything I ever hoped for and holy crap I sound stupid.”

“Shit, you’re going to make me cry.”

“Don’t do that!  This is so...aw shit man, stop making that face.  Please don’t cry.  Jesus, why are we so gay for each other?” Tyler pressed quick kisses on Josh’s cheeks.

“I dunno, Should we spoon for a bit?  Or do you want to go for some drive-thru?”

“Why does this always end with food?”

“Either we’re always hungry or uncomfortable with post-coital cuddling.  But I really need something greasy and fried right now,” Josh groaned a bit at the ache as he stood, knowing it will be worse in the morning.  But worth it…so worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They did the do!
> 
> So I don't know how much longer this story is going to be. I, the author, have lost control over my life. But at least it's fun doing it.


	11. Taking My Time On My Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having a December birthday sucks because finals.

Tyler loved his family, but a lot of the time, he wanted to tear his hair out.  Like right now.  Tyler contemplated just completely faceplanting into his mashed potatoes, wondering if the commotion that would cause would end this uncomfortable, awful conversation.

Thanksgivings were loud, noisy affairs with most of Tyler’s family, and generally fun.  It was always nice to be home, and away from the insanity of college.  But now they were both out to their parents, they felt like they were being watched closely whenever they were together.  Neither parent commented on the relationship, as if they were still trying to figure out what was different now, what to expect.  They would make lots of noise before entering whatever room Tyler and Josh were in, probably as a warning so they wouldn’t be witnessed to any (god forbid) gay sex.

They did try to keep their hands off each other out of respect for their parents, but they cracked the night before and had rushed orgasms in the front seat of Tyler’s car on the way back from a friend’s house.  Windows fogging and rough kisses knowing they’d have to be apart for the next few days as Josh had to go to an aunt’s house quite a distance away.

Tyler and his parents agreed to not mention ‘this whole relationship…thing’ which should have pissed him off, but it was tiring enough dealing with his immediate family’s reaction to have to contend with everyone else.  It’d come with time anyway, and boy was Tyler glad he hadn’t once the political debate started.  It started with some vaguely racist joke said over dessert that a few of the adults snickered out, but one outspoken cousin riled everyone up and it turned into a near-shouting match about gay marriage and border control.

And Tyler said nothing, his emotions hovering somewhere between disgust, hurt, and internalized hilarity at how he’d totally had a dick in his mouth less than 24 hours before this  conversation.  Disgust prevailed after hearing the term ‘the gays’ said way too oftenly and a long-winded wondering of why there were so many gay people in the world now.  Apparently it symbolize a general ‘sissyfication’ of America.  His parents and siblings eyed him cautiously throughout the whole exchange, looking ready to tackle him if he looked like he was about to start screaming.  Tyler shoved his chair back after someone implied that ‘gays shouldn’t be allowed to adopt for the sake of children who need a balanced male-female partnership to be normal’ and stormed off to the kitchen to wash some dishes.

When it came to it, he guessed he was a coward, unable to even defend himself against the people who were supposed to love him no matter what.  It felt like being trapped in a pit, and as he scrambled against the edges towards the light, more dirt kept falling upon his mouth, choking on the words.  His anxiety spiked as he scrubbed furiously, elbow deep in hot, soapy water.  How would he ever live in the light when even his own family couldn’t support his lifestyle?

A buzzing in his pocket drew him from the thoughts, and he wiped his hands on a damp towel before fishing out his phone.

_Josh: [one picture message]  
Josh: when that tryptophan game strong_

Tyler couldn’t help but snicker at the photo of Josh’s assorted family members and several pets sleeping in front of a football game on the TV.

_I can only imagine how loud the snoring is._

_Josh: the walls may or may not be shaking_  
Josh: [one picture message]  
Josh: bae caught me slippin

_Who’s this bae? Imma fight him.  
You look cute._

Tyler saved the photo, deciding to edit it later and add to the collection of Josh sleeping pictures he was going to use at some point.

_Josh: I’m not cute. I’m hardcore_

_Isn’t that a Powerpuff Girls quote?_

_Josh: Dammit  
Josh: How’s your turkey day?_

_The usual. Lots of people. Annual cousin basketball scrimmage. Several people have minor burns from cooking. Homophobic conversation going on right now  
You know, how it always goes_

_Josh: Dang  
Josh: Sorry man.  You need to talk?_

_I’ll be fine._

_Josh: Just think about how much fun we’re going to have on your birthday ;D_

_We’ll definitely be going to hell after that_

_Josh: Bro_  
Josh: Our love is pure.  
Josh: call me, I’m going to find a private room ;)

_Dude I’m too full for phone sex  
Also my whole family is here.  That’s just…_

_Josh: oh never mind! My aunt just brought out more pie_

_Wrong._  
Wait what  
There are still people awake at your party?

_Josh: just my aunt and me.  Idk I may eat this and go into a coma for a few days.  
Josh: Please say you’ll forgive me for sleeping through your birthday.  I’ve just had a very tough battle against all this food.  I need to recover._

_Yo you better wake up if you want this sweet booty_

By this point, Tyler had returned to the party, the discussion no longer in dangerous territory.  It was lighthearted and everyone was breaking up into smaller side conversations.  Tyler joined in, and the rest of the night passed uneventfully.  Josh didn’t respond till the next day, so Tyler correctly assumed the food coma had hit him hard.

* * *

Tyler’s birthday fell the next week, and sadly he had classes all day.  But it ended with a ‘surprise’ party at Josh’s house.  And it wasn’t a rager like Tyler had feared—though Jack assured him they would be “turning up” sufficiently that weekend.  It was actually really nice, they ordered pizzas and just hung out.  And for the middle of the week it was a good turn out; a bunch of his frat brothers, various people from the clubs Tyler was in, and his other close friends. 

Even the prayer group he still attended on a weekly basis showed up—they were super chill and accepting about his relationship, though a few remembered when Tyler would talk about Josh back when they were at odds.  They pulled Tyler aside earlier in the year because they didn’t want to see him hurt again, but the more they got to know Josh, the more they understood that this was meant to be.

Tyler was just so happy in that moment, writing a little tipsy note on his phone to remember that night when all his friends were together.  He wanted to remind himself on the days in the future when he was bound to be low.  When he paused for a moment, he was astounded that he’d come so far from the sad, lonely walks back from the library freshman year when he didn’t think he’d ever make his own friends.

* * *

Tyler didn’t care he had morning classes tomorrow.  He didn’t care that it was past 1am, and he was a little buzzed from the beer he’d been drinking.  Josh drew back from sucking a mark into Tyler’s neck, and pressed him further into the mattress.

“I gave you a gift earlier, but now it’s time for your present,” Josh wiggled his eyebrows and rolled his hips, making Tyler let out a breathy whimper.  “Have you been thinking about what you want?”

“Oh God yes.”

“Tell me.”

“I want you to rim me and then I’m going to ride you until you can’t see straight.”

Josh had to take several deep breaths to calm himself.  Tyler gave him a few seconds before pushing on his head.

“Chop, chop. Let’s get this party started.”

“Aggressive,” Josh said, kissing down Tyler’s torso.

“It’s my birthday; I’m allowed to be bossy.”

“Dude, you’re always bossy.  But you know I love it.”

“Damn right you do—oh,” Tyler’s voice slipped up an octave as Josh spread his legs and began licking.  Josh took his time prepping Tyler, driving him close to the edge, listening to the volume and pitch of his moans to determine just when to pull back.  Tyler’s hands tangled in Josh’s hair, pulling the way he liked it.

“f-fuck, fuck,” Tyler gasped, his back arching.  With his last shred of lucid thought, he pulled Josh off of him.  “On your back.  Now.”

He grabbed the lube and a condom as Josh lay down.  Tyler hadn’t ever been so desperate to get fucked—it was almost like a big screw you to the ignorant people in his family.  Lining up, he let out a shaky whine as he slid down onto Josh.

“Are you sure it’s not my birthday too?” Josh gasped as Tyler shifted, adjusting to the sensation.  They hadn’t tried this before, and Tyler made a couple tentative movements before setting a steady pace.  Josh hands fluttered around his torso and settled on his hips, guiding his movements.

As anyone would expect, Tyler was very verbal in bed and that was one of the best parts for Josh.  Head tucked and occasionally meeting Josh’s lips for quick, breathy kisses, and shouting curses interspersed with moans; Josh admired the trembling of muscles in Tyler’s thighs.  He let out a perfect, broken whine as Josh got a hand on his cock.

“Just let go, babe,” and Tyler listened, coming onto Josh’s stomach and losing all control and rhythm.   Tyler fell forward, breathing heavily into Josh’s neck as the older boy thrust up into him. 

“Wanna feel you come in me,” Tyler whispered in a hoarse voice, and rolled his hips in a way that had Josh crying out and spilling into the condom.  Tyler’s brain had returned enough to watch how his face tensed and mouth fall open as his blunt nails dug into Tyler’s sides.  Tyler kissed his closed eyelids, both boys relaxed and satiated.

“God, it’s so late and I have class at 9am,” Josh groaned and tossed the condom in the direction of the trash can.  He prodded his boyfriend, “Dude, we should probably clean off.”

“It’s my birthday.  If I wake up covered in come, then that means I had a good day,” and yawning, they both curled up and fell asleep for a few short hours before they had to take a quick shower and rush to class.

* * *

Time always seemed to race forward in December, rushing to final exams. For Tyler, it wasn’t actually that bad for once, though he didn’t brag to anyone since it looked like the rest of the school was suffering.  Josh was a nervous wreck, spending hours in the library working on several papers and Tyler had to keep checking on him to make sure he ate.  If necessary, Tyler would take Josh’s laptop and books to force him into a sleeping bag, because Josh was stubbornly refusing to leave the library unless his last paper was done.  Tyler had to show him that the last two paragraphs he’d written made absolutely no sense so “please at least take a nap for an hour, I’ll edit what you have written.”

“It’s just so fucked how I had to do three term papers and I have like no time to study for my two exams,” Josh pulled anxiously at his hair as Tyler pushed a sandwich at him.  They were in the cafeteria surrounded by people crouched over their laptops or having hushed conversations.  Josh had handed in all the papers, but the work was far from over.  Josh just wanted to melt into the ground.  “I’m too stressed to eat.”

“At least take a few bites.  You need the energy.”

“I’ve got an energy drink.  I’ll be fine,” Josh drank from a suspiciously unlabeled bottle.

“The hell is that?”  Tyler reached for it and smelled something utterly confusing.  Tyler was sufficiently freaked out.  He’d never seen Josh look this terrible before; red eyes, constant fidgeting, fingernails with dried blood from being chewed too hard.

“You don’t want to know.”

“Dude, tell me.”

“It’s coffee, Coke, Red Bull, and maybe a 5-Hour-Energy,” a voice said from behind them, and Jack approached their table, “Breakfast of champions.”

“Hell no! You are not drinking that!”  Tyler tried to grab it again, but Josh flung himself backwards, nearly falling out of his chair.

“He’s been drinking it all week,” Josh glared at Jack for ratting him out, who shrugged, “Dude, even I’m worried for you.”

“Joshua Dun! You’re going to give yourself a heart attack.”  It was so trippy to be the one concerned with Josh’s health since usually it was Tyler that did dumb shit like that, and frequently had minor breakdowns over too much work.

“Finals will be over in three days.  I’ll recover at home.”

“No way.  You’ve studied enough for today. I’m taking you home and you’re going to sleep in a real bed for once,” Josh started making noises of protest but Tyler raised his hand to silence him, “You’re not going to pass anyway if you work yourself to death.  So stop fighting me on this.”

It took hours to get Josh calmed down enough to sleep.  Tyler even considered calling the EMTs at one point when he clutched his chest and said his heart was beating so fast that it hurt.  Tyler tried everything to get him to relax, but as soon as his breathing would start to even out, Josh would sit bolt upright in bed and start freaking out again as his brain tortured him with reminders.

Finally the sun started to set and Josh had exhausted himself to the point of sleep.  Tyler was starving, but he didn’t want to disturb him while his grasp on unconsciousness was so tenuous.  Josh was sprawled across Tyler, who rubbed circles along his back.  He waited until it was dark outside and the street lamps illuminated the room before making his move to extricate himself.  Tyler shuffled around the house as quietly as possible, though Josh was so dead to the world Tyler could’ve started banging cymbals next to his head.  He slept for fifteen hours, eyes losing most of the lifelessness, and he finally ate a full meal.

“Thank God we’re almost done with this college shit,” Jack said, and Tyler agreed.  There may be great times, but this whole finals thing was so unhealthy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm laughing at my terrible pun with the chapter title. Also I just finished finals...can you tell from this chapter?


	12. Socks On My Feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mile high club, and finally.... battle of the bands.

The scream echoed through the house, “Spring Break, bitches! I’m gonna take my clothes off!”

“I swear to God, Jack, it is four AM and spring break is two weeks away.  Shut the fuck up,” Blair shouted from his room as the rest of the inhabitants of their house yelled their displeasure.

“Tell me why we thought it was a good idea to go on vacation with Jack?” Tyler groaned and rolled over towards Josh, “Someone is going to get arrested or die.”

“You know it’s going to be unlit.  Just as long as we only sleep with each other, we’ll be golden.”

* * *

Christmas break was definitely better than Thanksgiving break since it was longer and Josh didn’t go away.  There wasn’t any homework to do, just endless hours to practice, practice, practice.  They even searched around and found a bar that let amateur acts perform every Thursday.  They got their first taste of performing (that didn’t involve Jack peeing anywhere near their equipment) and found they lived for it. 

Josh watched Tyler twitch and toss himself across the stage, just like he did down in the basement when it was just the two of them practicing.  He could see the confusion of the audience, not sure what was going on and whether or not to enjoy it.  So Josh would just hit the drums harder, and go along with whatever Tyler threw at him; masks, backflips, etc.  Because this is what Tyler needed, and Josh would do anything for him.

“I think we’re ready for Battle of the Bands,” Tyler said as they packed up their gear on the last Thursday before they went back to school.  Mark and a few of their other high school friends had come to watch and they were helping

“Awesome…we’ve still got like four months to go,” Josh grunted as he lifted the heaviest of the equipment into the trunk of a minivan they borrowed.

“I guess we just have to keep doing shows and stuff,” Tyler mused, leaning against the car and looking into the night sky where the first of the snow flurries were beginning to fall.  “Josh, I really love doing this.  Performing and stuff.  I just feel—I don’t know.  Free? Lighter? Better?”

Josh pulled him toward his chest, wrapping his arms around Tyler, “I feel it too.”  They kissed briefly until their friends came back out of the bar, wolf whistling at the two of them.

“I know you’ve been dating for months, but it’s still…starling to me to see you both all lovey dovey?” Aaron said, “Not in a bad way, just that I’m used to you two being friends, it’s weird to think you’ve…erm.”

“Had sex?” Tyler supplied helpfully, and Josh blushed.

“Well, we all thought that would happen at some point,” Mark said, “the relationship is a nice bonus, however.”

“I agree,” Tyler pecked Josh on the cheek, “Now whose house are we celebrating at?”

* * *

Spring break was the first week in March, and there had been a countdown on Josh’s house’s fridge since they booked the tickets in October.  They had a grand total of fifteen people as part of their group; one of those ‘spring break college party getaway’ packages to Cancun, because ‘you only college once, so why not go to Cancun’ (YOCOSWNGTC).

They have an early flight, so the drinking begins as soon as everyone wakes up.  They gather in the kitchen of the frat house for a shot or two of tequila while waiting for the fleet of Ubers to take them all to the airport. 

Jack kept the drinking going as soon as they were through security with another round at the airport bar, and then he revealed the flask and multitude of nips he’d packed in his allotted quart-sized bag.  Tyler and Josh had the fortune (or misfortune) of sitting next to him, so Tyler quickly put on headphones and raised his hood to catch a little sleep.

He awoke a little while later to a hand on his thigh and a tongue in his ear.

“Ew, Josh!”  Tyler protested, and the other two seatmates giggled. 

“That’s probably not the weirdest place Josh’s tongue has been,” Jack smirked.

“Yeah! Tyler likes when I—” He clapped a hand over Josh’s mouth to prevent whatever he was about to say being said.

“Hey, hey Tyler,” Jack whispered loudly.

“Mhmm?” Tyler grunted, wondering if anyone else would swap seats with him so he’d be able to get some sleep unharmed.

“We should have a threesome with Alex.   It’d be hot.”

“Is Josh not invited? Cuz that’s kinda a dealbreaker for me.”

“Aw, thanks babe,” Josh pressed a sloppy kiss to Tyler’s cheek and draping an airplane blanket over the two of them, “Always looking out for me.”

“No, no.  Of course Josh is invited!  I miss his sex noises….listening through the walls just ain’t the same,” Jack looked fondly at the pink-haired, quite tipsy boy.  Tyler shuddered, forcibly picturing them having sex.  He knew Josh and Jack had hooked up many times before, and while he was comfortable in their relationship to know that Josh was completely committed to him, it was still weird to think about the other two _in flagrante_.

“Jack, you’ve got the math wrong.  It’s not a threesome when four people are involved,” Josh pointed out.

“Either way, we should do it,” Jack said, and cut off Tyler before he could speak, “Don’t say no yet!  Just think about it.”

Tyler sighed, trapped, and tried to watch the in-flight movie, but Josh’s hand kept dancing up his thigh. The teasing movements of his fingers were just too much by the time Josh pressed a hand to Tyler’s crotch and he made a high, strangled noise.

“You guys should go for Mile High Club.  ‘Specially since your band name has ‘pilots’ in it,” Jack suggested.

Josh’s eyes were eager and they met for a quick kiss, his hand providing frustratingly little friction for Tyler.  He never thought he’d be into fooling around in public, but Josh was tipsy and adorable, so Tyler couldn’t be held accountable for looking around for the nearest lavatory.  Jack was definitely getting some sort of sick pleasure at the whole situation, laughing uproariously as they got up from their seats to apply for club membership.

Spring Break was already wild and they hadn’t even landed in Mexico yet.  Tyler had a feeling it was only going to get weirder.  Josh fell asleep on his shoulder not long after they returned to their seats from exchanging handjobs in the airplane bathroom.  Shockingly few of their friends had noticed what had gone down, until Blair made a point of announcing it.  But in the long run, that wasn’t the only creepy sex thing that happened during that trip.

The trip was spent either on the beach or out at the nighttime parties, and honestly both Josh and Tyler felt they were already growing past the stage of enjoying drinking until puking, and loud, sweaty night clubs.  Not to mention they were forced to share a room with a crapton of other people so getting back first guaranteed they’d at least have some…alone time.

“I’m going to need a vacation from this vacation,” Josh sighed as Tyler slid out of him.

“Don’t forget we have midterms after this,” Tyler replied, standing up to check his phone plugged into the wall across the room.

“Dude, you’re ruining my afterglow.”

“We don’t have time for that. Sam just sent me a 5 minutes-away warning text,” Tyler tossed swim trunks that were still damp at Josh, “Apparently we’re going swimming.”

There were many people still on the beach that night, regardless of whatever hour it was.  A bonfire had been started and people were strumming instruments.  Tyler of course acquired a ukulele, while Josh scoffed at how predictable he was.  The moonlight and the flames illuminated the waves, creating a debauchedly romantic scene as numerous college students stripped out of their clothes and into the water.

* * *

Everyone made it through Spring Break with only minor injuries, thankfully no arrests, and a bunch of crazy stories.  But in the blink of an eye, much with the rest of life; they were back to school and in the midst of midterms.  And then they were a week away from the Battle of the Bands competition.  They barely left the practice rooms and though they only had to perform 3 songs, they rehearsed till Josh’s hands bled and Tyler had to go on vocal rest.  Anyone else would crack underneath the pressure, they were having the most fun they’d ever had while going through a ton of stress.

It was the night before the show; 3 AM and walking back to Tyler’s frat house after one last rehearsal.  Tyler laced his fingers through Josh’s bandaged hand and began practically skipping down the street.  He hadn’t slept in over 24 hours since he was too busy mixing the backing tracks, but he was so happy.

“We’re going to absolutely kill it.  There’s no way the other groups are as ready as we are,” Tyler said.

“It’s going to be sick,” Josh agreed, “But no more talking.”

Three hours before the show;

“I’m going to screw everything up,” Tyler moaned and covered his face with a pillow.  “It’s going to be awful.”

“Stop whining and start getting dressed,” Josh sighed.  He figured Tyler would have a meltdown, and it’d just be a matter of talking him down and getting him to the show.

“What if we suck?”

“Nah man, we’ve already performed in front of people before and we totally un-sucked.”

“I’m going to wear the mask tonight,” Tyler said.

“Okay.  Me too.  We’ve just gotta take our shirts off at some point.  People love that.”

The show was in the big hall of the student center, a stage set and hundreds of kids gathered to see the six bands entered.  By some luck of the draw, they were playing dead last.  So either everyone was going to be tired by the time they played, or super amped to see them.  Neither were able to enjoy the rest of the show like they had in previous years, and many of their friends were playing in different bands. 

It was just too nerve racking to listen to how good everyone else was.  Most of the bands were still pretty rough but definitely two of the other acts were a viable threat to them winning this.  But while they played well and had good music—Josh and Tyler were planning to put on a show.

Josh grabbed Tyler for a quick kiss before they walked on stage, “Do what you do, okay?  Just…put it out there.  Leave it all on the court, as they say.”

“Hey Josh,” Tyler grinned mischievously.

“Yeah?” Josh put on the ski mask.

“If you do a backflip, I’ll blow you on the football field.”

In less than thirty seconds, Josh did a backflip off of Tyler’s piano during the intro to the first song hesitantly titled _I’ll Stay Awake_ or _Soul on Fire_ or _Ode to Sleep_.  In minutes, the crowd was in the palm of their hands, regardless of the confusing jumps between rap and…whatever else they were.  They cheered at them ripping off the masks and breaking out the keytar for _Slowtown_ , because college students love nostalgia about growing older.

It was exhilarating to be in front of everyone, rocking their proverbial faces off.  The ended with their first real song—Tyler leaping into the crowd to sing the last ‘hellos’ of _Trees_ and it was like the ending to a movie or the start of something amazing.

“Josh, this is what I want to do for the rest of my life,” Tyler said hours later as they snuck out of the football stadium.  The fragile light of dawn breaking on the horizon, they walked hand-in-hand clutching their trophy with Josh walking with an extra spring in his step for more reasons than one (Tyler is a man of his word). 

“Me too.”

“I’ve never known what I wanted to do after graduation, but this is it.  I wanna be up on stage singing to people, making music, traveling in some shitty van—I dunno, maybe one day playing big arenas and I want you to be there,” Tyler said in a rush, and Josh squeezed his hand in response.

“I will be.  You and me—we’re a team,” Josh grinned.  They now had a purpose, a mission, and finally a life plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took forever, friends! I also realized about halfway through the chapter I had no idea what spring break in Cancun was like since my friends and I went to Disney instead.


	13. Driving Toward the Morning, Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well I've seen black and I've seen blue but fine lines I don't see  
> And just because I am in misery  
> Don't mean a thing that I want to know  
> -Graduation Day by Head Automatica

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope people catch a few lyric references I threw in. Sorry this took forever. My heart is breaking that this story is done.

_Lightening_

_Yellows changing into oranges, chasing away the dark hues and blues_

_The chill in the air anticipatory of what is to come_

It’ll be a scorcher

Two figures sit on top of a library watching the sunrise on the last day of an important chapter in their lives.  They’re silent, leaning against each other on a blanket.  Holding hands, they squeeze occasionally as a reminder that they’re _here_. They’re _together_.  There have been so many ups and downs in their lives, and now terrifying and unpredictable, the future lies before them.  They have their hopes and dreams, but what if they don’t happen?  What will everyone else say?

Nothing in life is guaranteed.

“I can’t believe it’s over,” Tyler whispered, “I feel like there’s so much I should’ve done and I didn’t get the opportunity to.”

“I know,” Josh sighed and uncrossed his legs.

“I’m scared.”

Josh nodded in agreement, “But you’ve got me.  I’m sticking around.”

“Promise?” Tyler ran a hand through Josh’s multicolored hair.  During senior week, much his mother and Tyler’s shared chagrin (he loved Josh’s natural hair—it’s what they grew up with), he’d dyed it with every color of the rainbow in honor of graduating.  It was kind of growing on Tyler now, but would certainly make for interesting graduation photos to look back on.

“C’mon, we’ve made it this far,” Josh smiled, face illuminated by the new sun.  They met for a brief kiss, a quick selfie, and then gathered the blanket, ready to go to the ceremony.

* * *

“Are you ready kids?” Alex whispered.

“Aye, aye, Captain,” Jack shouted, and everyone jumped.

“Damnit Jack, we’re trying to be quiet.”

A group of six masked hooligans crouch behind a wall outside the football stadium.  They had a plan to cause some chaos, some damage.  Josh had to drag Tyler along, and a glance at his boyfriend’s face, which was covered by the ski mask, showed nervous eyes.  Josh was pretty anxious too—this had the potential of going south very, very quickly.

“This is officially the dumbest thing you’ve ever forced me to do,” Tyler muttered to Josh as the group crept to the unlocked service entrance.

“Dumber than the time in high school when you and AJ drunk raced naked around the track and got chased by the school security guards?”

“It’s not dumb if you win.”

They each took a spray can from the bag and set to work just like they planned.  The fumes were dizzying as they worked quickly, black paint marking the field to form a giant penis.  It was massive.  It was magnificent.  Alex was putting the final touches on the jizz spurting across the field when one of the lookouts—it was hard to tell who—came running, shouting “get the hell out of here! Cops!”

At least the work was pretty much done as they all scattered, running in different directions as flashlights appeared at the entrances.  Tyler and Josh, magnetically drawn together, knew a back exit from their various last night escapades around campus and they sprinted out of the stadium. 

“Stop!” a booming voice yelled from the street, but they didn’t listen.  Picking up speed, they headed towards a clump of highly manicured bushes and dove in.  The thunderous footsteps of the campus cops were not far behind—they must’ve been seen.  They’re going to be expelled.  They said nothing to each other, just crouching and trying to muffle their breathing.  Josh gripped Tyler’s shoulder as a voice said “Come out with your hands up.”

_BANG._

They nearly screamed in surprise, and the cop cursed loudly as a flash lit up the sky in the distance.  There were more booms and a second and third firework could be seen close to some of the dormitories.  Their pursuer’s radio crackled and came to life as the dispatcher called all units to investigate the source of the pyrotechnics.  In complete disbelief, they didn’t dare to celebrate as the police officer left.  They didn’t move for several minutes, just in case this good fortune was some sort of trick. 

“We gotta go,” Tyler whispered, grabbing Josh’s hand and they were running.  Running and laughing, finally ripping the ski masks off their faces.  The night air whipped their faces—they were invincible, as long as they were together.

* * *

The penis prank, or The Phallic Artwork Escapade as was referred in later years, was all the buzz on campus the next day.  They had all evaded capture due to the expertly timed fireworks by other secret members of this endeavor.  This last semester was honestly the most fun they’d had consecutively.  The classes weren’t too hard, the sense of ‘this is it, let’s just do everything’ omnipresent—it was almost too good to be true.

Tyler’s whole frat had been out at a post-Greek Week party a few weeks after the Penis Incident, and everyone was drunk off their asses on the way back to the house.  Singing, dancing, a trophy cup lifted above their heads.  If it wasn’t for the fact that the streets were alive with hundreds of other Greeks, they’d definitely be written up for noise violations.  Tyler was in rare form that night, jumping into a fountain, and attempting to enter several trash cans. Sam had him by the collar until a quick duck and spin from his basketball days came in handy and Tyler was loose.

He sprinted to the nearest tree and began to climb as his brothers circled underneath.  Despite his level of inebriation, Tyler got up fairly high and began to sing _A Whole New World_.

“How are you gonna get down from there?” Several concerned, sober voices pleaded.  “Tyler! Come on down, you’re gonna get hurt.”

“I’m okay! I’m ssss-so great at climbing!” Tyler proclaimed and spread his arms.  The ground didn’t look that far away.  He’d jumped from higher places before.  Tyler dangled from branch as people begged him not to fall.  “Not gonna fall.  I’m…gonna…FLY!” And he dropped. 

He landed in a heap, a sharp pain shooting up his left leg, and he screamed in surprise, though it felt distant and numb.  It was more a cry of surprise, but when he tried to lift himself up, Tyler found his ankle would give out and unable to support him.

“Oh no, oh no, oh no,” he moaned and everyone’s voices were hushed and worried.  The jubilation from earlier had switched to panic.  “I broke my leg. I broke my leg!  My mom is gonna be so mad.”

* * *

Josh was busy sleeping like a respectable person and so he missed the first two times his phone rang.  Third time was the charm, and he looked at the screen in confusion.

“Sam? What’s up—is Tyler okay?”  His groggy mind remembered Tyler mentioning something about a frat party, and quickly (and correctly) concluded that his boyfriend was probably the only reason why Sam would be calling him at 3 am.

“Let’s just say Tyler can do many things, but flying is not one of them,” Sam said by way of explanation.  Josh had been sound asleep barely minutes before so the meaning of that strange statement made little sense initially.

“What happened?”  Josh was already hunting for clothes, knowing Tyler needed him somewhere.

“We’re on our way to the Emergency Room because Tyler climbed a tree and fell.”

“Ah,” Josh sighed.  He could hear crying in the background.  “Can you put Tyler on?”

Tyler’s shaky breaths damn near broke Josh’s heart, “I’m so, so sorry Josh.”

“No need to apologize to me.  How are you feeling?”

“Stupid.”

“Yeah well, um.  Accidents happen?” Josh said by way of appeasement, locking the door to the house and walking to one of his roommates’ cars they let him use occasionally, “Does it hurt really bad?”

“Mhm. Can you come? I need you.”

“On my way.  See you in a bit.”  He sent a quick text to the roommate to explain where the car had gone and then pulled out onto the empty street.

Tyler was still sniffling when Josh got there—beer tears and regret.  He was lying on a stretcher, with his swollen foot propped up on a pillow. 

 “Dude…good job,” Josh plopped into a seat next to him.  “Hey man, you look super badass.”

Tyler sighed dramatically, “I’ve just got to think of a cooler story to tell.”

After a round of X-rays, Tyler was proclaimed to have just a sprained ankle, a broken foot, and his dignity heavily bruised.  They put a bulky boot on his leg and told him to keep it on for a month. 

“A month?!” Tyler groaned, “This sucks. My intramural basketball team has a championship game next week and now I can’t play.  I’ve waited four years for this, and it’s freaking ruined.”

Josh didn’t know how much more to comfort him besides taking him home and putting him to sleep with reminders that a month will fly by and hey—at least it looks like he’ll probably not have to wear the boot for graduation.

But the problems were compounded the next day when Tyler had to call his parents to explain the incoming hospital bill. 

“How could you be so stupid?!”

“We’re very concerned about your drinking habit.  This is how people spiral out of control.”

“If you weren’t so close to graduating, I would’ve pulled you out of school.”

After nearly an hour of being berated, Tyler lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling.  He felt weak, diminished, pained—it felt like being on the brink of realizations and epiphanies about himself.  But not the good kind—the edge of confronting harsh truths about who you are, your tendencies, and your flaws.  It’d been happening a lot recently.

“Josh do I have a drinking problem?” Tyler asked as soon as his boyfriend returned with a bag of takeout.

“Um, I don’t think so?  Do you think you might?” Josh sat down next to Tyler, who had an arm covering his eyes.

“I never thought so, but like, I do some dumb stuff and I regret it a lot afterward.  What if it just keeps spiraling out of control?  What if I’m already out of control?  I don’t like myself when I drink and I learned in my psych class that I have an addictive personality.  I just—I just don’t think I’m going to drink anymore.”

“Alright.  That sounds like a good idea.”  Josh would happily support Tyler no matter what—even if he’s done this before to no effect.

“I can have so much fun without alcohol.  Like—the most fun.  And no hangover,” Tyler tried to sound cheery, sitting up with a groan as he adjusted his leg.  “And I’ve got two papers to write for Monday…is it bad to want to drop out with eight weeks left?”

“Don’t tempt me.”

* * *

The weeks slipped by quickly, and Tyler stuck to his promise not to drink.  If anything he found he was having a better time of it, though his parents were still very pissed off.  The two of them had been thinking about taking a roadtrip after graduating, though there was some debate if it’d be just straight-up sightseeing or a ‘trip for concerts’.  Tyler’s parents wanted him to get a job to pay off the hospital bill, and they had multiple fights over the phone as Tyler tried to explain their grand plan.  It seemed like their band was in jeopardy, or at least stalled at the gate.

But actually things were going pretty well—the reward for winning Battle of the Bands included studio time and the chance to open for the spring concert.  That went really well even though Tyler’s foot was still in the boot.

“Pretty sure you’re going to rebreak it.”

“We’re going to kill this show or die trying, Josh, and no one’s gonna stop me.”

They were a phenomenon on campus after that.  People stopping them to take pictures, get autographs because ‘you’re going to be huge one day!’

There was a growing sense of nostalgia.  That they wouldn’t see the friends they accrued over the four years as often, and possibly some would just slip out of their lives.  They’d be caught by responsibility and their own lives—meeting every five years or so for a reunion.  There’d be promises of ‘we should get together more!’ to no change.

But Tyler and Josh knew they’d always have each other.  From those days on the playground, to being best friends, to falling in love; they could make it through anything.  Graduating college wouldn’t stop them—they were going to move back home, and play the music they created together as they take over the world.

Senior week was a heck of a lot of fun—everyone ignoring the looming graduation.  Josh dyed his hair, Tyler climbed the frat house, no one broke any more bones or got arrested.  It was tradition to raise hell on that last night—to stay awake until the sun rose.  They snuck to the roof, not talking for a long time and kissing occasionally.  They were so exhausted, and the next day was going to be a long one, dealing with their families.  But for now, it was just the two of them. Together.

Josh fell asleep on Tyler’s shoulder during the speeches.  It was hot as hell, but he’d grabbed a bunch of water bottles and people were tossing beach balls over the crowd.  Their parents were so proud, Tyler’s abandoning the tension in favor of the celebration.  Everyone even acted very cool when Tyler and Josh took a ‘cheesy couple-y kissing pic’ in their caps and gowns, clutching their diplomas.  Their collective families seemed to have accepted the reality that they were in love and that’s just how it was going to be.

“We did it!” Tyler exclaimed.  They’d gone out to eat with their families and then loaded up the fleet of cars with their assorted belongings.  Now it was time for the long drive back home.  Tyler was driving; his car loaded with linen and furniture while Josh sat shotgun—feet back up on the dashboard. 

“Yeah but now we’re not going to put our degrees to any use,” Josh replied, handing Tyler the first of many Red Bulls he’d need to get through the drive.

“But at least we’ve got a couple funny stories to tell. And we can BS our way through any paper.”

“A useful skill for budding rockstars,” Josh drummed excitedly on his thighs.

A perfect bookend for the day—the sun was slipping beyond the horizon as Tyler turned up the radio.  It wasn’t the end…it was just the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end!
> 
> The last chapter will be an epilogue. Thank you all for sticking through, and for all future readers--I hope you enjoyed this!
> 
> Shout out to my roommate who jumped out of a tree and screwed up her knee and another friend who drunkenly jumped off the train and broke his foot---all at the end of senior year.


	14. Just Singin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue

“And I’m here backstage with Tyler and Josh of Twenty One Pilots.  Great to meet you guys!”  The cheery interviewer turned to the two men sitting on the couch, already giggling from something Tyler had whispered.  Tyler was holding the microphone for the two of them, and Josh had an arm draped across Tyler’s shoulders.

“Howdy,” Tyler replied, and Josh snickered.

“Well it’s been quite the year for you two.  Sold out world tour, hit song in a summer blockbuster, multiple awards, Madison Square Garden,” The interviewer punctuated each item with a finger as if counting, “and most exciting of all—you got married.  Congrats, guys!”

“I know!  Isn’t it awesome?!” Josh exclaimed, “I’m lucky this guy even said yes.”

“They say wild horses can’t be tamed,” Tyler shrugged, “But Josh was a cowboy so—ah, I’m just going to end that there.”

“You sure about that?” The interviewer smirked.

“Hey, my mom watches these!”  Tyler laughed.

* * *

 

 It felt like a dream, at least the past few years, but it wasn’t always easy.  They’d both taken jobs neither of their parents were proud of in order to keep playing in the band together.  They’d work during the week, and then drive as far as they could to play shows to crowds that didn’t know who they were.  There were nights no one but the other bands would watch them, and they’d laugh it off in front of their friends. But when it’d be the two of them, Tyler would cry helplessly in their shared bed, fearful their dreams were close to falling through. 

Those were the worst nights.  Tyler would drown in his doubts, telling Josh that he was only holding him back, keeping him from pursuing his own dreams.  Tyler knew of many bands that would beg Josh to go on tour with them. And Josh would swear that Tyler’s dream was his dream—to share the music with everyone, to be by his side no matter what.  Tyler insisted he tour with House of Heroes, and Josh did because Tyler told him to spread his wings.

And Josh was happy traveling around in a van, and even flying all the way to Korea with the band.  Tyler tried not to be too bitter, writing songs for ‘when Josh comes back’, and Twenty One Pilots still has shows, but with Josh’s coworker from Guitar Center filling in for him.  For a while there, without any of them realizing, Josh just…wasn’t in the band anymore.  Tyler had Nick and Chris, and Josh was away.  They all lived together in a house, and Tyler and Josh were still dating of course, but they weren’t making music together.

Tyler hated the heavy feeling in his core when he’d look into the crowd and see Josh moving along to _their_ songs, but not onstage _with_ him.  That’s not what they had planned back in college, and while Tyler was getting the release he needed from performing, it felt wrong to not have Josh to his right.

But then Chris left the band for personal reasons, and Josh was there—dependable and solid as he always was.  Ready to drop anything for Tyler at a moment’s notice.  And the universe was back in alignment—Tyler felt that electricity again, spilling over to moving desperately against each other, inside each other as if the either never wanted to let go.  Tyler could have sworn he saw tears dripping along Josh’s cheekbones, though he looked away knowing that if Josh was crying, he would be too.

“Yours. Yours. Yours,” Josh chanted, running his hands across Tyler’s skin, their climaxes quickly approaching and bodies tensing, until the snap of bliss.  The wasn’t the first or hundredth time together, but it felt like a renewal—that they had taken vows to each other.  That there’d only ever be each other.  And Josh quit the band, and came back to _their_ band which soon, with Nick’s departure, truly became just them.  Just like they had begun.

And then the next few years were faithfully documented, thanks to Mark’s omnipresent camera and loyal fans.  Hours in vans killing time across the miles, shared sleeping bags in tents at Christian music festivals (which always was a bit strange for them, since faith was still a big part of their lives; however, the fact they were in a  committed same sex relationship was often met with a chilly reception)—to buses! And tours where people far away from Ohio started to sing Tyler’s lyrics back to them.

Then they were selling out venues, and not just because they were opening for a bigger band.  People wanted to see _them_ —no longer were they playing to empty rooms, or to small crowds who didn’t understand why Tyler twitched and threw himself across the stage.  They had a following, music labels were calling them, and the fact that they were _togetherandinlove_ wasn’t stopping them even though many people took issue with that love (curses, comments, hateful messages behind the anonymity of the internet).  People believed in them, got what they were creating, and felt what they were feeling.

The venues kept getting bigger, crowds more and more massive.  They were established, they were _big_.

* * *

 

 “So you guys are notorious for always making up a story about how you met,” the interviewer said, “Will that be the same way for when people ask how you got engaged?”

“No, never!” Tyler said with a touch of fake indignant flair, “There only is one story about how we met, and actually it has everything to do with how the whole proposal went down.”

“Go ahead,” the interviewer waved their arms.

Josh’s eyes were on Tyler’s face, trying to read and predict where this new story would go.  How he would continue a ridiculous yarn about summer camp or being tornado chasers; Josh was used to playing along with Tyler’s tales, and he had a few funny ones of his own.

“I love climbing and stuff, and that’s how it’s always been,” Tyler began, his voice even and no trace of a smirk, “My mother was sick of me ascending trees in our yard so she would bring me from playground to playground to at least have me climb in a…controlled environment.  So I was really young—like four or five, and we went to a new park in town and I, like I did in every playground, I got all the way up high on this jungle gym.  And I’d just sit there and watch everyone for hours and hours.  No one would bother me, because they were all too scared to get that high up.”

“But then there was this other kid—Josh—and he saw me up there and was like ‘whoa I gotta go up there too’.  He tried but then he fell, cuz, I mean, he’s not as great of a climber as me,” Tyler continued.

“No way, I’m a great climber.  I just don’t get much practice behind the drums,” Josh interrupted.

“Anyway—there was blood, like, everywhere! And this kid’s crying and I’m like—hey let me get you a popsicle and by the way, do you play music?”

“That’s how you two met?” The interview was grinning, assuming this was another fake story.

“Yeah,” Josh said, “Though I remember Tyler crying too.”

“Nah, man.  I’m like, really, really tough.”

“So the proposal?”

“Well it was a mutual thing,” Josh said, continuing this out-of-character truth telling, “It’s actually not that wild of a story.  We were home on break, and decided to go for a walk.  And I’d wanted to propose to Tyler for a long time.  So we went to that playground and both took rings out at the same time.”

“It was really romantic, and with a lot less blood.”

* * *

 

It was so worth it.  All of the heartache, the ups and downs, and nights spending wondering if it’d all work out.  It felt like it’d been such a long journey, though it was just a few years of hard, hard work.  And it scared them sometimes to be at the pinnacle, but what was the next peak? The next achievement?

Either way, it didn’t matter where they went from here, because they would always have each other.

 _The End_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all, folks! Thanks for sticking around and special thanks to anyone that commented on this, encouraged me, listening to my whining/brainstorming. I can't believe it's over.

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Hannah (strikeuptheband - ao3, and jshlrjsph - tumblr). Check out her work, because it's fantastic.
> 
> I'm Mars (shivermepickles on tumblr and teeentyonepilots is my TOP sideblog). Come say hey.


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